


Just Wanna Be Yours

by Bratzilla1993



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-17
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-03-01 21:24:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 48,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2788274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bratzilla1993/pseuds/Bratzilla1993
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Secrets I have held in my heart<br/>Are harder to hide than I thought<br/>Maybe I just wanna be yours"</p><p>Carmilla always admired Laura from afar and never did anything else. Laura has always noticed Carmilla but was too intimidated to even be near her. One day, years after high school, they meet again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Miss Nothing

It’s never really silent when tests are being taken, there is always loud sighing and silent cursing in the midst of the class, not to mention the aggressive pencil scribbles every now and then. However, Carmilla was erasing the doodle on her paper, when she notices that the teacher was about to start walking around. She quickly fills some of the bubbles on her answer sheet to make it seem like she was actually taking this test seriously. She also makes sure to sigh loudly when the teacher walked by her, and then continues filling out the bubble sheet without bothering to look inside the test booklet. Carmilla didn't care about her grades nor her future, but what she did care about was leaving this place and never coming back. When she looks up at the clock, she sees that there are 20 minutes left in this class so she decides to look at the posters, which she probably has memorized at this point. There is a Garfield one that says "Reading Makes Life A Lot Easier"; it shows Odie pushing a door that says “pull” as Garfield looks at you the way Jim from The Office looks at the camera. She remembers the first time she saw that, it had made her chuckle, and it still does. There is also another poster that says "Today is a great day to learn something new", and it is probably the most dumbest yet informative poster she has ever encountered. She didn't know it at first, but everyday you do learn something new, even when you don't expect it. She mentally slapped herself for agreeing with that ridiculous laminated piece of paper. She was about to focus on the next one, when she felt a tap on her shoulder but she didn't even bother turning around since she already knew who it was; it was J.P, her best friend since Elementary. She never knew what his initials meant and never really asked. She felt it could offend him if she did. She sticks her hand behind the back of her seat, feels a folded paper and grabs it. She quickly scans the room to make sure she won't be caught reading it. Once she feels safe, Carmilla opens the test booklet and folds out the paper against it.

 

_Carm, did you wanna go tonight?_

She’s been thinking about it a lot lately ever since she first saw the flyers everywhere. There was gonna be party at some football player’s house and he invited the whole student body. Carmilla never felt comfortable with them sober, and she wasn't sure it would be any different if they were drunk.

 

_I don't know. Might just go to the woods._

She returns the note back to J.P. by placing it behind her seat and using her finger to poke his knee. She starts thinking about the woods. She remembers the first day she discovered it. She might have been 8 or 9, when she found it while taking a little walk. There was no one else there and it seemed like it wasn't a well-known location. After that, Carmilla started going there whenever life felt too much. She would listen to some music full blast on her headphones and lean against a tree and just soak in natures beauty. Sometimes she would even take her camera with her to take a few still shots. She had a book filled with the photos that she took. And sometimes when she couldn't escape to the woods, she would open the book, listen to music and pretend she was there.

She feels another tap and she gets another note.

_She'll be there. Might be a good chance to talk._

Carmilla glanced up, looking at the light-brown haired girl, who was reading a book at the front of the classroom. Her name was Laura Hollis. She remembers the first time she ever saw her. It was the summer before 3rd grade and Carmilla was looking outside from her room window, studying the cats, when she saw a moving van pull up to the house in front of hers. There, popped out a grown man and little girl- who she first assumed was a kindergartner. Boy was she surprised when she saw her there when classes begun. Carmilla thought she was lost, and had even tried to help her go back to the kindergarten building. Even now, it’s so embarrassing to think about.

_Have fun._

She returned the note and slowly started to pack up her things, when she saw that there were still 2 more minutes left to class. She had her bag on her shoulders, and was gripping the test papers while she waited for the bell. Once it rang, the teacher started collecting the tests by the door. She was one of the first out the class, and she waited for J.P. to catch up. As she stood there, Laura walked by. Carmilla tried very hard not to look at her, but it was difficult not to; everything about her was captivating yet she never understood why. She’s always seemed like a nice person and there hasn't been any mean gossip about her- that Carmilla knows of. Laura was someone who kept to herself, but at the same time was apart of the popular crowd, mostly because she was dating the captain of the basketball team. Carmilla felt J.P. pinch her arm and tried to slap him before he grabbed her wrist in defense.

“Whoa, careful now.”

“Why do you always do that?”

“To wake you up from your dream land.”

“I was not in dream land.”

“Well, you always look like you're dreaming when you’re staring at her.”

“Shut up and tell me more about this Will guy.”

 

J.P. had met a guy online who claims to also attend this school, yet haven’t actually met him. They also have no idea how the other looks like, but they know everything else about each other. Nonetheless, they agreed to talk a bit more before meeting. Carmilla thinks that Will is an undercover cop, or something, but J.P. believes that Will is real, so she tries her best to not rain on his parade as well as promising not say “I told you so” if she turns out to be right.

****

Carmilla's next class was gym, which surprisingly was her favorite, but for one reason only: Laura was also in that class. She loved watching her play sports and run around. Carmilla would sneak away from the crowd and just stare at her while she did her thing. She never got caught doing this and the coach didn't really care about attendance very much, so Carmilla was able to disappear without getting in trouble.

Today, there was rain everywhere so the coach decided it was an indoor-gym day, and that usually meant a free day, where you could play basketball or jump rope or just sit around on bleachers if you felt like it. Of course, Carmilla always just relaxes on the bleachers and stares at the ceiling, while every now and then, sneaking glances at Laura. But, today she couldn't find her anywhere, so she decided to attempt to draw the woods in her school binder. She was getting into it when she heard Laura’s voice. Carmilla looked up and saw Laura flirting with Danny Lawrence, the captain of the basketball team and her girlfriend. Carmilla scoffed and went back to her drawing. She was glad she decided earlier to draw the woods; she needed to calm down. She had no right to be jealous, yet here she was, fuming.

She was focused on the shading of the branches, making sure she gets it just right, when she felt a poke against her shoulder and assumed it was J.P, but was a little disappointed to see it wasn't him, but LaFontaine, who Carmilla knows they go by gender neutral pronouns. She remembers that they were bullied massively for these reasons and also for their short haircut. Carmilla had always defended them even though she didn't really know them very well.

“I didn't know you could draw.”

Carmilla closes her binder and looks at LaFontaine, who has a band-aid over a large cut on the side of their face. They always sported bruises and other bandages, so Carmilla wasn’t shocked. She wishes she could find the culprits but she knows it isn’t worth asking.

“How are you doing today, LaF?”

“I'm having such a magical day! You wouldn't believe it.”

“Care to clarify on that?”

“When I woke up this morning, my parents weren't even home, and then I got to school and no one did anything to me, they pretty much ignored me. Also when I got to class, this girl wanted to be my partner for a project. Like someone actually wanted to be my partner! Honestly, a part of me hopes this isn't a dream.”

Carmilla was tempted to pinch their arm but decides against it.

“So, who was that girl?”

LaFontaine's face gets a little red, making it match their hair color.

“Her name is Lola Perry but likes to be called Perry. I don't know why though. I think she probably doesn't like the name Lola or maybe she is like me. I don't like my name either. I feel like I am rambling. Sorry about that.”

“You don't have to apologize for things like that to me.”

LaFontaine smiles really wide and looks like they want to hug her but instead, just nods.

“So are you going to the party tonight?”

“I can barely handle anyone sober, don't think I’d like them better if they weren't.”

“I can relate to that. Hey, if you don't mind, could we do something tonight? Not like a date or anything… I just don't want to be alone tonight, so...”

Before Carmilla could respond, a red dodgeball smacked LaF in the face. Carmilla instinctively drops her things and stands up in front of LaF before anymore could be thrown, Right away, she sees Danny running towards them. Carmilla glares at her since as she is finally given a reason to dislike the redhead.

“Oh my god! I am so sorry!”

Carmilla doesn’t respond, even as they stop in front of her. Danny looks nervous and seems to be scared, which makes Carmilla feel more confident. But that feeling shatters when she notices Laura standing behind Danny. Her demeanor changes and before it became apparent, LaFontaine walks next to Carmilla, rubbing where the ball hit them.

“Was that you?”

Laura steps in front of Danny.

“It was me. I am so sorry. Danny was teaching me a trick with the ball and I got carried away. I am so incredibly sorry.”

LaF’s eyebrows raise.

“Well, I must say, you are stronger than you look.”

Carmilla avoids looking at Laura trying not to let her angry persona vanish. She looks up at Danny instead for the natural “I hate you” look to appear. Danny was staring back at her, but then blinks and looks at Laura, then at LaFontaine.

“Do you need a ice pack? I can take you to the nurse if you want.”

“No, its okay. Carmilla can take me. Please return to your regular scheduled programing.”

Carmilla feels eyes on her and she knows they belong to Laura, but she avoids eye contact as she quickly grabs her things from the floor and proceeds to walk with LaF to to the nurses.

 

LaF stays beside Carmilla as they make their way out the gym.

“Wait, can I ask you something first?”

“What do you need to ask?”

“Do you by any chance have a thing for Laura Hollis?”

Carmilla feels her face heat up and starts to walk faster.

“I knew it!”

LaF catches up with her.

“Don't worry, I'm not gonna tell anyone.”

“How?”

“How I figured it out? Well! For one thing, you weren't giving her a death glare. And we all know J.P. and me are the only ones that don't get one… So tell me! What is so special about Laura?”

“You're too smart for your own good.”

“Thank you, Carm!”

“To answer your earlier question about tonight, meet me after school at the south parking lot.”

****

Carmilla was sitting on a bench, listening to music, when she felt a two pokes on neck. She already knew who it was before turning around to see J.P., appearing more giddy than usual. She paused her music before removing the headphones.

“Did something happen?”

“I'm meeting Will at the party tonight!”

Suddenly, she is given a soul-crushing hug by him.

“J.P, My ribs hurt… J.P.”

He lets go of her and starts jumping up and down.

“I'm sorry, I'm just so happy right now.”

LaFontaine comes up from behind him.

“What's the good news?”

J.P. hugs LaF as he responds.

“I'm meeting him tonight!”

“Oh my god! Really? That’s magical!”

LaF hugs him back, squealing to match his excitement.

“So, are you guys meeting at a specific area or are you just gonna be wearing certain clothes or is he gonna have a white rose in his mouth?”

Carmilla snickers as she remembers how she first met LaFontaine. It was in middle school when LaF had first moved here. They originally had long hair that was pulled back into a ponytail. Their first friend was J.P. and they got along famously. Carmilla had also hung out with them but when doing so, she usually sat back and blasted music in her headphones. At first, LaF wondered why she always listened to music when they hang out. “Is it because of me?”, they would ask. J.P. had to explain that Carmilla wasn't a great conversationalist, so this was her way of scoping out whether or not she enjoyed the extra company. She remembers the day LaF chopped off their hair. They were all hanging out at a local park, on an intense sugar high, when J.P. pulled out some trimmers that he had stole from his dad. He asked LaF if they wanted to cut their hair and LaF took it as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. LaF was closer with J.P. then with Carmilla but she understood that they were a private person and that she still had to earn their trust.  
After the haircut, LaF was getting picked on for looking like a boy and that was when Carmilla started earning their trust by always being there by their side. She didn't know LaF well, but one thing she did know was that they definitely didn't deserve this cruelty. Later on, bullies started to get LaF when Carmilla wasn't there and when she asked to teach them how to defend themselves, LaF declined the offer. Carmilla didn't question their decision, but had offered to walk them to school and back, which LaF agreed to. During those walks, she learned a few things about LaFontaine, like how they hated being labeled as either a boy or a girl. It wasn't until high school that they learned about being non-binary.  
LaF started requesting the faculty and students to refer to them in gender neutral pronouns and to not call them by their birth name and just by their last name. Although it was a big step for LaF, that was when the bullying started targeting them again. Carmilla did the best she could to protect them, but they weren't in middle school anymore; they didn't have the same classes and school was no longer walking distance. The only time she could help them was during lunch or gym class. Other than that, Carmilla rarely gets to see LaF throughout the day. Despite everything, she has never seen LaFontaine happier; they weren't questioning their gender anymore and they felt comfortable in their skin. Carmilla always wondered how LaF, after everything they’ve been through, could always have a smile at the end of the day.

“We are gonna meet at Kirsch's room.”

“Kirsch is allowing that?”

“Will knows him and asked Kirsch permission for that, so yeah he is.”

“Well, I hope you have fun!”

“Wait, don't tell me you're not also going!”

“I'm gonna be hanging out with Carmilla instead.”

“Wait a second. Carmilla, I thought you were going to the woods.”

Carmilla smiles and shrugs.

“You’re taking LaF there?!”

“Wait, are you seriously taking me there?”

Carmilla stands up and stretches, not bothering to answer them.

“I envy you LaF. I've never even been there and I’ve known her longer!”

“If you're gonna be a baby about it, then I'll take you there another day. Come on LaF, we gotta go now before we miss the bus.”

“I'll text you guys updates!”

J.P. waves before walking to the school buses. Carmilla leads LaF into the public bus and pays for the both of them. And they find seats at the back of the bus.

“You know this is actually my first time on these.”

“Well, I'm glad I can be here for you.”

“Shut up. So, are we really going to the woods?”

“If I hear you mention the woods again, I’m getting off this bus.”

“So we are going there.”

Carmilla looks at LaF and attempts a glare but wasn't able to. She always found it difficult giving glares to people that didn't deserve it.

****

Carmilla and LaF get to the woods and Carmilla notices LaF doing a funny dance.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, just need to use the toilet.”

Carmilla nods and checks her phone.

“We can walk to my place and you can use the one there.”

“Your guardians aren't home?”

Carmilla shakes her head before leading them to her home.

“Wow, this must be my lucky day. First, at school and now I’m about to visit your home AND your beloved woods. Just… wow.”

Carmilla doesn't respond, as her mind is too busy making sure the timing is right. She knows the rents won't be home at this time, so they should be safe. But still, she feels uneasy. Although she always feels this way when she’s going home. Carmilla can't wait to be 18, which coincidentally happens to be on graduation day. She doesn't think she'll actually be in the grad robe that day, but frankly, she does not care. She’s planning to book it that day and never come back. J.P. told her that she better keep in contact somehow, which she will, at the very least, attempt to do.

The house comes into view and Carmilla takes a few deep breaths. She looks over to LaFontaine, then walks to the front door and opens it. She takes another breath to calm herself before entering the house. No one is home; she is sure of that, but she still could not turn off the feeling that they'll be home any minute. She shows LaF where the bathroom is and waits in the living room. Carmilla looks at her hands and tries really hard not to look around. She takes more deep breaths every time she gets tempted to look around. She shouldn't want to look. She should never look. It brings too many memories. Memories that should never be remembered. She closes her eyes and begins humming a song until LaFontaine gets out.

 

They arrive back at the woods where she leans against a tree and takes a lung-full of air. LaF leans against the tree opposite hers.

“So these are your sacred woods. They are really beautiful.”

Carmilla smiles at them and sits down.

“It’s my favorite place. Cause it's the perfect place to calm down and forget the world.”

“J.P. told me that it’s your fortress of solitude.”

Carmilla laughs.

“J.P. with his comic references. That actually isn't a bad name for this place.”

“Carm, I just wanna ask one thing.”

“Yea?”

“Why did you bring me here?”

“I don't know. I guess I felt it was time to bring friends here.”

“Thank you for bringing me here.”

“It's not a big deal.”

LaF sits down and pulls out a book from their bag while Carmilla takes out her headphones. And Carmilla studies LaF while music blasted in her ears. She wonders if they feel comfortable here like she does. She wants to mention that they are allowed to come whenever they please, but before she gets the opportunity to, she feels her phone buzz.

**From J.P.**  


_I'm at home._  
_About to get ready._  
_Wish me luck._  


Carmilla looks up at LaF, who seems to be on their phone as well.

**Sending to J.P.**

_Good Luck!_

She stuffs the phone back in her pocket, and closes her eyes, as she focuses on the music. She feels goosebumps when the singer’s voice screams out the part that hits home.

 

_“I try to make you see my side_  
_Always try to stay in line_  
_But your eyes see right through_  
_That's all they do_  
_I'm getting tired of this shit_  
_I've got no room when it's like this_  
_What you want of me, just deal with it_

_So..._

_If you were dead or still alive,_  
_I don't care,_  
_I don't care_  
_And all the things you left behind,_  
_I don't care,_  
_I don't care”_

She notices that the sun has already set when she opens her eyes and sees LaF is still reading except with a little book light. Suddenly, her phone starts vibrating like crazy. She pulls off her headphones and answers.

“Hello?”

LaF looks up at her.

_“Carmilla? Can you come get me? Please?”_

J.P’s voice sounds like he is trying very hard not to cry.

“On my way.”

*****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this fanfiction was fun because I did it while I was listening to the bands that I used blast in my headphones throughout my high school career and some of my college days. It was so nostalgic. Anyways, I really hope you enjoy this. I'm hoping I'll get a next chapter out by next week or maybe the end of this week. Depends on some things. Also if you have any question about this fic send them to my tumblr. http://clarkclexa.tumblr.com/ The lyrics are from the song "Don't Care" by Apocalyptica


	2. For What It's Worth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is in Laura's POV and takes place at the party.

The windows vibrated with the bass of the speaker system. There wasn't an empty spot in this house. There were people everywhere. It wasn't the best environment for a serious conversation. It could possibly be the worst. Which is something she should've thought about yet here she is, on the living room couch with Danny sitting next to her, with her hands on Laura’s knees. They had been arguing about leaving the party. Danny wants to leave, saying that it is starting to get late and she thinks Laura should leave too. It’s a Friday night, she had a rough week and wants to let loose just this once. But for some reason, Danny doesn't understand that (Laura doubts she’s even trying to).

“Laura, come on. We can go somewhere else. I can take you for ice cream before I drop you off.”

“I appreciate it Danny but I’m staying. The party’s barely started. I wanna relax for a bit and like, mingle.”

“Fine.”

Danny gets up and walks to the keg. Laura looks at the floor for a moment, before getting up to follow her, with her cup in hand. She wants a refill as well. She remembers the first kegger she’s ever been to. It was the night she officially met Danny, although she had always admired her from afar. Sometimes, she’d even attend games just to see her play. Laura would watch from a distance and never attempt to interact; she had a fear of making the worst first impression. Danny was the one who made the first move that night. Laura had been chatting with her friend Betty, who had dragged her to that party. She had wanted to stay home and study for a Chem test, but of course, Betty wasn't having that. When Laura looked away for a second she noticed Danny was also at the party and immediately felt her face grow hot. She quickly looked back at Betty, who seemed to have noticed what happened. Betty gave a sly smile and walked off toward Danny, then pointed at Laura while whispering something into Danny’s ear. At that moment, Laura made a mental note to dig a big hole and bury Betty there. Alive. Suddenly, Danny was slowly making her way towards her, as Laura tilted her head towards the ceiling and silently thanked all the forces that went into work to bring her in this moment.

“You're Laura, right?”

“That's what my birth certificate tells me.”

Laura mentally punched herself in the face.

“Oh, good. I'm Danny. I don't think I've ever seen you at one of these before.”

“That's because I don't usually come to parties.”

“What made you come tonight?”

“... Betty, she kind of dragged me here.”

“Well, I'm glad she did.”

Laura felt like this was a sequence from one of her dreams but that thought vanished when she felt a cold, sticky beverage drench her shirt completely. Danny shoved the guy that had spilled it against the wall, and then guided Laura to the bathroom.

“Thanks… for that.”

“Don't mention it.”

Laura caught herself in the mirror and saw that her peach bra was showing through her soaked, white shirt and quickly covered herself with her arms. She looked at Danny, who pulled off the jacket she was wearing and handed it to her. After that night, they hung out more often and eventually, the two of them started dating.

****  
Laura stood behind Danny as she pumped herself some beer from the keg, admiring her legs. Danny has incredible, long, firm legs. Laura feels a little hot, remembering how those legs felt against her cheeks. She suddenly slaps herself to avoid thinking further.

“Did you just slap yourself?”

Laura smiles at Danny and holds up her empty cup.

“Uh. Yea, I crinkled the cup.”

Danny nods, looking unconvinced.

“Laura, are you sure you don't want to...”

Laura starts walking away from Danny before she could finish the question. She’s had enough of this and just wants to start having fun. She wanted to hide before Danny could start looking for her. She opened the first door down the corridor and locked it behind her. Relieved Danny didn’t follow, she takes a deep breath before turning around to look around the room. She knew the room belonged to Kirsch. Before a nostalgic memories entered her thoughts, she hears crying coming from the closet.

“Hello?”

Laura walks to the closet and knocks.

“Are you okay in there?”

She hears the person inside there clear their throat.

“Just peachy.”

“Yeah, it totally sounds like you are.”

The person does not respond but seems to be taking a lot of deep breaths.

“Alright, come out. You're clearly not okay.”

“No thanks.”

“Please?”

“... Fine.”

The closet door slides open and there sitting on the floor is J.P., who Laura recognizes as the guy who hangs out with LaF and Carmilla.

J.P. stands up and walks out of the closet.

“Happy?”

“Yes, I'm ecstatic.”

J.P. sits down on the bed and wipes his cheeks. Laura sits down next to him.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don't even know you.”

“I'm aware of that but I find it to be therapeutic to talk to strangers.”

J.P. nods slowly and looks at the floor.

“Yeah but not all strangers are good.”

“I promise I am.”

“I don't know. Why would I trust you?”

“Well, how about this, I tell you something personal about myself and then you tell me why you were crying in Kirsch’s closet?”

“Why do you care, anyway?”

“Why wouldn't I?”

“You don't even know me!”

“And? This could be us getting to know each other.”

“Okay.”

“So deal?”

J.P. scratches his head and flutters his lips like a horse would.

“Deal.”

Laura smiles at him.

“Alright, I haven't told anyone this so I hope I'm not wrong about you. Okay, I'm sure you already know my girlfriend.”

“Everyone does. She’s kinda hard to miss.” 

J.P softly smirks after noticing Laura’s disappointed reaction.

“Well, she is amazing. She treats me with respect and she likes to take care of me. I appreciate it, I really do! So I honestly don't understand why I feel… the need for space sometimes. Like there are times I just want to go do something reckless and impulsive and I want her there with me but Danny is not one to do something spontaneous. I don’t know, I just want to hang out with her, like how we used to be. Without worrying about consequences and just enjoying each others company.” 

“Have you spoken to her about this?”

“Yes I have but we never finish the conversation because she makes an excuse about having a meeting to go to or having to use the bathroom.”

“Sounds like to me that she probably knows but doesn’t want to talk about it.” 

Laura nods slowly and then covers her eyes and rests her elbows on her knees. 

“It does sound like that, doesn’t it?”

Laura removes her hands and then turns around to look at J.P.

“So, I’ve told you my personal thing, now tell me. Why were you in Kirsch’s closet?”  
J.P. smiles sadly before closing his eyes then releasing a deep breath. He looks down at his hands then up at Laura. 

“I met this guy online and we were suppose to meet here tonight but things didn’t go as planned.”

J.P. takes another deep breath.

“There were a group of guys in here when I walked in. They asked who I was and when I told them, they threw inside the closet and told me to stay in there. I don’t know if the guy I met online organized this or if these guys found out about me or… I just don’t know what to think. Like I know I shouldn’t trust anyone I meet online but I didn’t think I would feel this way for someone, even if I never met him or seen his face. I still feel betrayed. Although I have no idea if he was apart of this... I mean, it can’t just be a coincidence.”

J.P. runs a hand through his hair as he sighs. 

“Before you say anything, I know. I’m stupid for even coming here. I shouldn't have came.”

Laura moved closer to J.P. and gave him a hug. J.P. held her tight and began crying on her shoulder.

“Hey, I don’t think it was stupid to come here. I probably would’ve done the same thing.”

They both break apart when there is a banging on the door. J.P. wipes his eyes against his arm before standing up. 

“That’s probably Carmilla. I called her to pick me up.”

“You know, whenever you need someone to talk to. You have me.” 

“I appreciate that and the same goes for you.”

Laura takes out her cell phone and hands it to him.

“Can I have your number? So I’m able to text you sometime.”

The banging continues again. J.P. smiles at the door before typing his number on the phone. He then goes to open the door and exactly like he predicted, there stood Carmilla and LaFontaine.  
LaF ran to hug J.P. while Carmilla just stood there. Laura wondered why she always seemed to have the same facial expression when she sees her. Usually Carmilla has this death glare face but when she notices her, it goes to a neutral expression. 

“J.P., are you okay? Who does Carmilla have to kill?”

J.P. begins laughing then quiets down as he hugs LaF tighter. 

“We don’t have anyone to sic’ Carmilla on. I’m okay.”

He pulls away from Laf, smiling sadly. He then looks at Carmilla, who still appears to have that neutral expression. 

“Carm, can we go somewhere? I need fresh air.”

Carmilla nods slowly before sneaking a glance at Laura and then walking away. J.P. looks over at Laura. 

“Thank you so much for tonight. I appreciate everything.”

“No problem and if you ever need anyone. Just call or text me.”

LaF has a sly smile as they turn towards the door.

“I’ll go wait with Carmilla in the car.”

J.P. looks at LaF.

“Don’t tell me she stole his car.”

LaF turns around and smiles sheepishly at him.

“She didn’t steal his car.” 

“LaF, you’re an awful liar.”

LaFontaine nods then smiles mischievously before leaving the room. 

J.P. chuckles and then turns to Laura to wave. 

“It was nice talking to you. See you later.”

J.P. walks out of the room and shuts the door behind him. Laura lets herself fall against the bed. She stares at the ceiling and remembers the first time she’s ever been in this room. 

She was around 7 years old. She had met Kirsch on the playground and they’d connected instantly. They would have playdates in his room. She remembered how they would throw wet pieces of paper to the ceiling to see if they’d stick. They did that with pencils too and found that it was more entertaining. But there was one day when they were playing in his room and they started talking about their classmates. 

“I like her hair. It’s always so long and shiny!”

Laura giggled as she colored the sun bright yellow in the book. 

“Yeah! I like how she always picks me when we play games!”

Kirsch threw the crayon at the ceiling which came back to hit him in the head. Laura started laughing while he rubbed the area where it fell. 

“Not funny, Laura!”

“I’m sorry, Kirsch!”

Kirsch scratched the back of his head then smiled at Laura.

“What about Carmilla?” He asked.

Laura put down what she was doing and sat back. 

“I don’t know her.”

“Me neither. She looks cool but she always wants to be alone.”

“Yea. Remember my first day? She took me to the wrong class!”

Kirsch begins laughing really loudly that his mom had to come inside to tell him to keep it down. Laura chuckled after his mom left.

“Not cool, Laura!”

Laura shrugged, still smiling. 

“Do you think we should play with her tomorrow?” She asked Kirsch.

Laura looks down at the sun she colored in.

“Nah, tomorrow is PE and I wanna win!”

Kirsch threw the crayon against the ceiling again but caught it with his hand this time. 

“True. Anyway, she never wants to play anything.”

 

Laura sits up from the bed and looked at the closed door. She thought about what she had said about Carmilla that day to Kirsch. She begins to wonder how different things would’ve been if they had played with Carmilla when they were kids. Would they have been good friends? Laura shakes the idea out of her head. She stands up and smooths out her jeans. She takes a deep breath as she prepares herself to go downstairs to talk to Danny. She decides that tonight's the night.

She walks over to the door and looks back the closet then at the ceiling before closing the door behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I was gonna update this like days ago but I procrastinated on tumblr. I hope you enjoy. I'm gonna start writing the next chapter either tonight or tomorrow. I'm gonna try to have the next chapter posted as soon as I can. If you have questions about this fanfic please direct them to my tumblr. http://clarkclexa.tumblr.com/


	3. Somewhere I Belong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're back to Carm's POV! Also there is a abuse implied in this chapter so just a warning. ABUSE TW.

The sun rays seeps through the blanket covering the windows. Carmilla covers her face with a pillow to avoid the light and suddenly the alarm clock goes off. She groans underneath the pillow and debates on just letting the sound sink into her dreams when she hears a glass bottle roll on the hardwood floor somewhere in the house. Carmilla immediately shoots out of bed and turns off the alarm. 

She peeks out of her bedroom door and makes sure no one is awake before going to the bathroom. She looks at the mirror and examines the bruises on her face. She lets out a quiet sigh as she grabs the makeup bag from the bottom drawer. 

She slowly walks down the hallway once she finishes getting ready. She sees that there is someone sleeping on the couch, and judging by the empty beer cans on the floor, Carmilla assumes it’s her foster parent. She doesn’t want to discover which one.  
She takes a deep breath and walks gently towards the front door. Her heart starts beating faster with every step she takes. Once she is at the door, she turns around to make sure her foster parent was still asleep. She opens the door gradually and takes careful steps outside, then accidentally lets the door shut by itself, slamming loudly. 

“Carmilla!” 

She begins to run to the bus stop, not looking back. She makes a mental note to avoid going home after school. Carmilla sends J.P. a text the minute she gets to the bus stop.

_Hey, would it be okay if I spent the night?_

She looks up from her phone to make sure the bus isn’t near yet. Satisfied, she then plugs her headphones into her phone and presses play. 

*****

The whole day was almost a blur, with having to pretend to pay attention in class also with wondering why J.P. hasn’t replied. Carmilla tries to focus on not losing her neutral expression. So many thoughts are crowding in her mind, some are from what happened last night when she finally went home, some are worries about J.P. since still no response. She feels her eyes sting so she quickly blinks the tears away. She is not about to cry, Carmilla thinks while clearing her throat. 

It’s now lunch time. Carmilla is sitting inside the cafeteria, waiting for LaF and J.P. She was drinking her milk when she begins to hear voices. She looks up and saw that no one was there. She isn’t about to reenact what her fosters said last night, she thinks to herself as she puts the milk down on her tray and closes her eyes. She takes a few deep breaths and counts to 10. She opens her eyes and everything seems to be better. She sees J.P. and LaF walking towards her. 

Carmilla grabs her milk again and decides to chug it.

“Carmilla. that isn’t tequila. Slow down.” 

She swallows the milk then puts the carton back on the tray and smiles at J.P. as he sits down next to her and LaF on the other side. 

“Shame it wasn’t.” 

LaF looks up with a concern expression on their face. 

“Carm, is everything okay?”

Carmilla smiles at LaFontaine. 

“Peachy.”

J.P. pokes Carmilla’s wrist. 

“Carm.”

She turns to him.

“Why didn’t you respond earlier?”

J.P. starts to check his pockets his face alert, then puts his elbows on the table, resting his forehead against his palms. 

“I think it might be in Kirsch’s room. I can’t believe I didn’t notice until right now.”

Carmilla looks around until she sees the football squad in the cafeteria. She gets up and walks towards them. 

“Which one of you is Kirsch?” 

They all look at Carmilla, clearly startled. 

“Kirsch isn’t here.” 

Carmilla turns around to look at another football player with the nice dark hair, standing in front of her. 

“Do you know where I can find him?”

“Why should I tell you?” he asks.

Carmilla chuckles and makes eye contact with him.

“Tell me and I’ll make it worth your while,” she says softly.

He just laughs.

“You’re not my type, kitty.” 

The football players behind her start laughing and Carmilla glares at him. She is not about to let this muscular ball head win. 

“Where is he?”

The guy smiles and crosses his arms. 

“I’m not telling you.”

Carmilla looks into his eyes and makes sure not to lose eye contact this time. 

“ _Where_ is he?” 

The guy suddenly starts to get a little uncomfortable. 

“Why do you need to know?”

“He has something that I need back.”

He pauses and then nods. 

“Alright, he’s in the library.” 

Carmilla turns and walks to the exit. She walks as fast she can to the library. 

The second she’s there, she sees him sitting at a table with books open in front of him but she also notices a problem. Laura is with him. Carmilla takes a deep breath, she knows she can do this. All that needs to be done is to ask for the cell phone and at the same time, avoid looking at her. It’s simple. She decides to take another deep breath.  
Carmilla walks towards them and places her hands on the table. 

“Sorry for interrupting, but Kirsch, a friend of mine left his cell phone in your room. Do you, by any chance, have it?” 

Kirsch smiles at the interruption as if he was hoping for one. 

“I _did_ find a cell phone in my closet but I’m not gonna hand it over just like that.”

Carmilla looks him in the eye.

“Now why is that?”

“Well, you could be trying to steal it and I want to make sure it goes to its owner.” 

Carmilla almost laughs but instead, gives out a small chuckle. She doesn’t want to break character, especially in front of Laura, who hasn’t said anything. Camilla tries very hard not to glance in her direction, but she continues looking directly into Kirsch's eyes. 

“What if I was able to tell you the wallpaper on the lock screen, would you let me have it then?”

Kirsch grins then taps his chin with his finger as if he was thinking it over. 

“Alright, tell me.”

“Wonder Woman from Vol. 8 of the All Star Comics.” (http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltw7c7bmIC1qbujox.jpg)

Carmilla almost let the embarrassment of knowing that flood on her face but she doesn’t.

“Whoa, that was really specific and correct.”

Kirsch grabs the phone from his bag and hands it to her. She clicks the lock bottom to check the time. She then pockets the phone and looks back at Kirsch then sneaks a glance at Laura, who seems to be studying her. 

“Thank you.”

Carmilla walks out of the library quickly. She looks behind her, to make sure they can’t see her through the walls. She exhales and wonders why Laura was looking at her like that. She shakes her head and decides to analyze this later. She has to return the phone. 

 

Carmilla goes back inside the cafeteria and sees that J.P. and LaF are exactly where she left them. She sits back down in between them and hands the phone back. 

“Wow, thanks Carm.”

“You owe me, J.P.” 

She smiles at him.

“Laura was with him.”

J.P. and LaF exchange a subtle look, but Carmilla notices.

“What?”

LaF immediately starts giggling. Carmilla looks over to J.P., who seems to be holding in his giggles. 

“J.P.”

He closes his eyes and concentrates on clearing the laughter in his system.

“I never told you exactly what happened between Laura and me, did I?”

LaF tries to stop giggling, but they fail. 

“Tell me before LaF here dies.” 

J.P. sits back against the chair and crosses his arms.

“Nah, this is much more fun.”

Carmilla scoffs and grabs J.P.’s milk. She stares at him while she opens it then she chugs it down. 

“Carm! I need my calcium!” 

LaF bursts out in laughter the moment J.P. said that and their laughter is really infectious which why Carmilla starts joining in and soon does J.P. Eventually Carmilla feels tears about to drop out of her eyes and before the others notice, she wipes them off and silently thanks the cosmetic companies for waterproof makeup.

*****

The last bell rings and Carmilla is almost running to the public bus. She needs to go the woods. It was all she could think about all day. The pictures in her phone were not enough. She needs to inhale it. She feels her phone vibrate but she ignores it. She wants to be alone. 

She gets off the bus when it got to her stop and runs all the way into the woods. She falls to her knees. She finally breathes in the air. She feels the urge to cry but holds it back. 

She gets up and sits against a tree. She looks up at the other trees, admiring their familiar beauty. Carmilla takes out her phone and sees that she had 3 missed calls from J.P. and 10 text messages from LaF. She ignores them and plugs the headphones to the phone and presses play. She tilts her head back against the tree and starts feeling a little better.

_“No time for goodbye he said_  
_As he faded away_  
_Don’t put your life in someone’s hands_  
_They’re bound to steal it away_  
_Don’t hide your mistakes_  
_‘Cause they’ll find you, burn you_  
_Then he said_

_If you want to get out alive_  
_Whoa-oh, run for your live_  
_If you want to get out alive_  
_Whoa-oh, run for you live_

_This is my last time she said_  
_As she faded away_  
_It’s hard to imagine_  
_But one day you’ll end up like me_  
_Then she said”_

Carmilla feels water drops against her shirt. She knows it wasn’t from the sky, but she doesn’t stop it this time.

She wakes up and the first thing she sees the night sky. The stars are so beautiful tonight. She feels her phone vibrate again and is surprised it hasn’t died yet.

“Hello?”

“Carm? Do you still want to spend the night?”

“Yeah, if its not any trouble.”

“You already know it isn’t. Want me to pick you up?”

“You got your dads truck today?”

“He’s probably passed out on the couch and by the way he was drinking, he won’t hear me take it.”

“I’m at the woods. I’ll text you the directions.”

“Okay, I’m on my way.”

 

****

Carmilla sits down cross legged on his bed. 

“So, have you spoken to Willy boy since then?” she asks.

J.P. sits in his computer chair.

“He’s been messaging me but I haven’t read the messages.”

“You think he has something to do with it?”

“I don’t see any other reason. They knew about me and only 3 people knew at the time.”

Carmilla walks to the desk and gets on her knees in front of J.P.’s computer.

“Carm, what are you doing?”

“I’m gonna read the messages.”

J.P. sighs.

“At least let me do it.”

Carmilla scoots over and takes out her phone to read the messages LaF sent her.

**Laf**  
_Carm?_  
_Carmilla?_  
_Carmilla K?!?!?_  
_CARM?_  
_Fine._  
_I was gonna tell you something awesome but you’re not responding._  
_CARMILLA????_  
_I’ll tell you if you respond._  
_It’s about Laura._  
_God damnit it, Carm!_

Carmilla laughs and then passed the phone to J.P, who’s giving her a confused look.

“I told LaF not to tell you! What the hell!?” J.P exclaims when he reads the messages. 

“Tell me what? You should probably tell me before they do. ‘Cause either way I’ll find out.”

J.P. hands the phone back to Carmilla. 

“After we read Will’s messages.” 

Carmilla smirks as J.P. clicks the mouse a few times. J.P straightens his back and pushed his chair closer to the screen.

“Alright, I’ll read them out loud:

_J where were you? When I got there you were gone._  
_Did something happen? J?_  
_Did my friends scare you? If thats the case, I can explain._  
_Just tell me that you’re alright._  
_Please. J?”_

Carmilla bites her lip to avoid saying anything since she wants J.P. to break the silence first. She studies him as he continues he reread the messages. Right now he is probably talking to himself about whether or not he should respond and if Will had any idea of what his “friends” did.

“Carm, what do you think I should do?”

“Well, first things first, do you still want him in your life?”

J.P. sighs as he runs his fingers through his short brown hair.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Alright then I guess we know the answer then. Respond to him.”

“But what should I say?”

“Hey! I never helped with past messages before and I am not about to start now. Besides you’ll think of something, you always do.”

J.P. nods then clicks the mouse a few times then stares at the screen a for a few minutes before typing something. 

Carmilla smirks at him as she types a response to LaF.

_Sorry, I just needed to be alone for a bit. I’m at JP’s._

She looks up at J.P. who still seems to be typing a response. She gets up from the floor and flops down on J.P.’s bed and goes through her phone. Carmilla looks over to J.P. before she goes online and types Laura’s name on the popular social network that she know she has. She loves to go through her photos. Laura is a really attractive girl and whenever Carmilla looks at her, she feels this swelling inside her chest that also makes her face feel really hot. 

“Cyber stalking, again?”

The phone falls on her face when she hears him and she quickly sits up. She ignores the pain that seems to be going to extreme measures while J.P. laughs. She manages a smile while in her predicament. 

“So I sent the message. He isn’t online so I’m not expecting a response quickly.” 

Carmilla nods with the smile still etched on her face. She counts to 10 while the pain slowly leaves. 

“Carm, are you okay?”

She nods a little too quickly which causes her to have whiplash. She closes her eyes to calm down. 

“I’m okay, J.P.”

“Bullshit.” 

Carmilla opens her eyes and see that J.P. is standing in front of her, studying her face.

“I can’t believe I didn’t notice this earlier. It was because you took his car, huh? Why are they like this?”

She gulps but doesn’t respond. J.P. seems to get the message and just knees in front of her and holds her hand. 

“Carm, I have an idea. First let me check the time.” He pulls out his phone with his other hand since the other is occupied. 

“Yes! We still have time. Alright, we are going to the thrift shop.”

*****

Carmilla walks down the aisle, looking at the plaid shirts while J.P. is no where to be found. He is like a little child whenever they go to stores. He always goes to the toy section first then disappears for awhile. She grabs a few of the plaids and decides to look for him. 

While she looks around, something catches her eye. She sees this acoustic guitar that she immediately walks towards. She slings the plaid shirts on her shoulder while she grabs the guitar. It feels so familiar and good. Carmilla looks around before finding a spot to sit at and places the guitar on her lap while she strums the chords. She feels a tingling sensation run through her and thats when she knows she cannot leave this store without this guitar. 

“Hello Ms. Bon Jovi!” 

Carmilla looks up to see J.P. wearing a leather jacket and a pair of sunglasses. It suits him. 

“You look nice. Are you getting them?”

“Yeah, are you getting the guitar?”

Carmilla looks at the price tag and is surprised that its only $20. She won’t be spending a lot at all since the shirts are also decently priced. 

“Yes I am.” 

She stands up and walks to the cash register with J.P.

“Does that mean you’re gonna take guitar classes?”

“It’ll be hard to find cheap ones, so I might watch YouTube videos.”

“Carm, we have a guitar class at school.”

Carmilla smiles as she places the guitar and shirts on the conveyor belt. Finally things seem to have a silver lining.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me awhile to get this out since I got distracted with things. Like I would type but then I would be on tumblr following the developments of a fanfic and it was so hard to concentrate but hey I got it done!! Which I am really glad for. (I'm sorry if this chapter seems like a filler) Also I hope you all like it and if you have any questions about it, send them to my tumblr. http://clarkclexa.tumblr.com/ Lyrics are from the song "Get Out Alive" by Three Days Grace


	4. Wouldn't It Be Nice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we are with Laura's POV.  
> We are getting close to the future part of the fic.  
> Only a few more chapters.

The students groan as the teacher begins talking about her weekend while Laura starts to zone out and think back to the party last Friday night. She had finally decided to sit Danny down and talk since she wanted to avoid anymore future problems.

She remembers walking down those stairs and telling Danny that they accepted their offer of going to the ice cream shop. It certainly was not the place to have a conversation like this but if it was done in private, Danny would've kissed her and there wouldn't be much talking. She could have dragged her upstairs, into Kirsch's room but all she would hear is her many complaints about him and how much she dislikes him; Laura wouldn’t even be able to get a word in.

 

They were sitting down in the farthest booth away from the other customers. They usually did this so they could make out without any judgements but not this time.

“So, you said you wanted to talk?”

Laura gives her a small smile and avoids looking at her.

“Yes, I do want to talk.”

She looks up at Danny and tries to control her breathing. 

“Danny, the reason I wanted to talk to you is because I have been feeling a little suffocated.”

Danny looks down from Laura to her ice cream. Laura feels a weight on her heart and takes a needed breath.

“I'm not sure if you've always been like this and I am just now noticing but there are times when we are hanging out and we're having fun that you suddenly want us leave and go home. Your reasonings behind it have always been you didn't want me to get in trouble with my dad or just in trouble in general. We never do anything anymore other then spend time in each others rooms which I love doing by the way but I want to hang out with you without you worrying about the consequences. Thats not too much to ask for, is it?”

Laura looks down at her ice cream and notices that it has melted. She looks up at Danny who is still eyeing their ice cream which has also melted. Danny gives Laura a small smile before leaving.

She hasn't heard from Danny since and she feels that Danny will talk to her when she is ready. She just needs time.

Laura leans back in her seat as she focuses back on the teacher, who iss still talking about her weekend plans. She sneaks a glance at the students behind her and sees J.P. placing a folded piece of paper on the seat in front of him which belongs to Carmilla then he proceeds to poke her on the shoulder once and Carmilla grabs the note and after she reads it, a smile appears on her face.

Laura looks back at the teacher as she starts thinking about that smile. She has never seen Carmilla smile before. She has a nice smile; she should smile often. She thinks back to the moment she first met her.  
It was on the first day of Third grade, she was in line to go into the new classroom when Carmilla grab her hand and pulled her away. She never explained why she took her to the kindergarten building but Laura now assumes it was because of her height; she is a small person and essentially she did look like a kindergartener back then. Now she looks like an eighth grader even though she is a senior.

Laura glances back at Carmilla and wonders what kind of person they are. She doesn't know much about her but the gossip labels her as a really violent and ferocious person with soul sucking eyes. Ever since seeing her step in front of LaFontaine after she had accidentally smacked the dodgeball in their face, she started to become a little more curious about Carmilla. The person she saw there at P.E. was not the person the gossip/rumors made her to be. She is someone who defends their friends plus she saw nothing resembling eyes that suck souls.

She suddenly realizes that she may have been staring a little too long when Carmilla looks back at her. Laura quickly looks back at the teacher and hopes that Carmilla did not notice anything.

“Okay class, I have an announcement about the senior field trip!”

The infamous senior class trip, Laura hears many things about it and one them is that the adult supervision is very lenient as in there is a lot of booze.

“This year we are all going camping at Camp Orangewood.”

All Laura knows about that place is that it has just recently been built; which is nice considering the older ones usually smell funky. 

She feels a buzz in her pocket so she eyes the teacher until they finally turn around to the to list the rules of the trip on the whiteboard, Laura takes out her phone and hides it inside a text book.

**J.P.**  
_So should I assume that Carmilla had a bug in her hair??_

Laura feels her face get hot as she looks up at teacher. She needs to remember to breathe and once she does, she looks back at the message and suddenly feels eyes on her. She turns around to see that J.P. is giving her a very smug smile. She attempts a glare but it just makes him smile even more. Her eyes linger to Carmilla for a second before looking back to her phone.

She bites her lip as she places it back into her pocket. She thinks about the party again and rehashes those moments with J.P. He's a really cool guy and they have been texting since last night. At first she had assumed that he didn't want to talk to her when he wouldn't respond all weekend but on Monday when Carmilla came to the library while she was tutoring Kirsch, Carmilla asked for a phone that was left there and she put two and two together.

Laura smiles as she thinks about what happened after Carmilla took off with the phone, Kirsch had made some comments about her like how attractive she is and how she got even more attractive with her comic book knowledge. She did find Carmilla to be aesthetically pleasing but she didn't voice this to him. She also didn’t tell him how she found Carmilla to be even more interesting after hearing her talk about the phone case. The only thing she did say was that they should get back to work before the bell rings. 

Laura feels the vibration in her pocket again and once she was sure that the teacher wouldn't notice, she pulls out the phone.

**J.P.**  
_Has Danny contacted yet??_

**Sending to J.P.**  
_She needs space. She'll talk when she is ready._

**J.P.**  
_Think she'll come around by the trip?_

**Sending to J.P.**  
_I'll give her a week then I'll approach her._

**J.P.**  
_Are we not gonna discuss the bug in my friends hair?_

Laura bites her bottom lip before turning to J.P. who was covering their mouth as if they were suppressing a laugh. Her phone buzzes again.

**J.P.**  
_I guess not._

**Sending to J.P.**  
_Has Will responded to you?_

**J.P.**  
_Yes but this isn't a conversation to have through text._

**Sending to J.P.**  
_We can hang out after school. My place._

**J.P.**  
_Yeah sounds good, just meet me by the band room._

**Sending to J.P.**  
_You're in band?_

**J.P.**  
_Nope. I'm just showing Carmilla where it is._

**Sending to J.P.**  
_I'll see you then._

Laura pockets her phone as she tries to avoid thinking about what instrument Carmilla plays. She pushes her hair back with her hand and focuses on the rules on the whiteboard.

****

Laura almost sprints to the band room after the last bell let out. She really wants to see what instrument Carmilla plays, it has been bugging her all day. Before she can even get there she gets stopped by Kirsch.

“Hey Laura, can we talk?”

He has a really serious tone, she has only heard it once in her life and that was after he ran over her bike.

“Yes, we can.”

She follows him to an empty class room. He sits down on one of the tables.

“Laura, this is about Danny.”

She feels her eyes bulge out and suddenly feels really shaky.

“We haven't spoken since Friday night.”

“I know, she told me.”

Laura looks at him and walks a little closer to him.

“What do you mean, _she_ told you?”

Kirsch looks to the floor as he swallows something then looks back at her.

“She came to me after you guys spoke on Friday and she made me swear not to say anything.”

Laura nods and tries not to assume anything even though Danny has repeatedly mentioned how much she loathes him. Why would Danny go to him? 

“Is she okay?”

“She has been better but this isn't what I wanted to talk about. Laura, her mom is in the hospital again.”

Laura feels her knees buckle and she sits down at a desk that was behind her. She puts her face in her palms.  
She remembers the first time it happened, when Danny's mom was in the hospital. It was back when they were just flirting. They were in Danny's room when she received a phone call that her mom had a stroke while driving home. She went with her to the emergency room and held her all night.  
The second time it happened, her mom was cooking dinner. She remembers helping Danny clean the kitchen afterwards. 

Laura looks up at Kirsch. She feels mad at him but its mostly due to jealously. Danny went to him instead of her.

“How is she?”

“Danny is with her right now but the doctors don't think she is gonna make it.”

Laura bites down a sob and focuses on the floor.

“The reason I am telling you this is because Danny needs you.”

“Can you take me?”

“Of course.”

Laura follows him as she tries to silence the thoughts that were focusing a little too much on why Danny came to Kirsch instead of her. Didn't Danny say multiple times that she hates him or did she imagine that?  
She feels her phone buzz.

**J.P.**  
_Did you get lost??_

**Sending to J.P.**  
_I'm so sorry. Something came up. Rain check?_

**J.P.**  
_It's all good, I’ll just hang out with Carmilla._

Laura pockets her phone before getting inside Kirsch's truck. When the AC clicks on, she smells Danny's body spray.

She closes her eyes and tries not to jump to conclusions. Kirsch probably drove her to the hospital which is why her smell still lingers here and that should be the only conclusion. She shouldn’t even be focusing on this right now, Danny’s mom had another stroke and Kirsch even said that she might not even make it. Laura shakes her head of those ridiculous notions and just thinks about comforting Danny, she is gonna need her more then ever. 

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually finished this chapter days prior, but I procrastinated on the editing portion since my girlfriend usually helped me with it but she got busy, so I had to do it and I suck at editing. So if you see any bad punctuation or horrible grammar, you now know why. So, I hope you like where the story is going because I cannot wait to finally get to the future part of this because the scene where Laura and Carmilla finally communicate makes my heart swell. I just wanna write that scene already but I gotta wait. Anyways, I hope you guys liked the chapter and I'll get the new one up asap. http://clarkclexa.tumblr.com/


	5. Life Starts Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're back with Carm's POV!!

A small breeze flew through the leaves making them dance on the branches of the tree Carmilla is sitting against. She has a book open in front of her as she is practicing the chords she learned earlier in guitar class. She smiles softly as she slowly begins to get the hang of it. She already has ideas as to what songs she wants to cover. 

“You look happy. I like this.”

Carmilla looks away from the book and stares at LaF.

“Shut up.” 

LaF chuckles then places their book on top of their backpack. 

“Carm, can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

Carmilla places the guitar to her side, so she can give LaF her undivided attention. 

“Okay, this is gonna be weird.”

“Like that is something new.”

“I’m serious.” 

“LaF.”

“Alright. Okay. I need some girl advice.”

LaF quickly grabs the book next to them and covers their face to hide their blush. Carmilla smiles at them. 

“Alright, what do you want to know?”

LaFontaine is still hiding behind the book and slowly slides it down their face until the only thing showing is their eyes. 

“Remember when I told you about Perry?”

“Yeah.”

“She is really pretty.”

“And you wanna ask her out?”

LaFontaine quickly slides the book back up until their whole face is swallowed by its pages. 

“Carm, what do I do?”

“Well, does she like you?”

“I like to think so.”

“So you have no idea?”

LaF begins hitting their face with the pages of the book while Carmilla chuckles. This situation reminds her of the moment she first told J.P. about Laura. 

It was during middle school when Carmilla figured out why she always thinking about Laura. At first she had assumed she just wanted to be her friend but when she started daydreaming about how her lips would feel on hers thats when she realized it wasn’t friendship she craved. She immediately went to J.P., hoping that he probably knew something since she wasn’t really educated on the LGBTQIA community. 

He wasn’t much help since he was going through something similar when he caught himself imaging a boy lips against his. They both paid a visit to the public library and looked up what these thoughts meant. 

She remembers the conversation she had with him before they had gone to the library. They were in his bedroom and his dad was at the store, so they were alone. Which is what she wanted since she didn’t want his dad to over hear and say anything to her rents. 

“So, what did you want to speak about?”

“J.P. what I am about to tell you, shall never leave this bedroom, do you understand me?”

“Sure Carm.”

“J.P. I am serious.”

“As am I.”

“Okay, remember that movie we saw last week?”

“The one where the girl pretended to be a guy?”

“Yeah, She’s the Man.”

“What about it?”

“Remember how she started crushing on that guy?”

“Does Carmilla Karnstein have a crush on someone?”

“You know what, never mind.”

J.P. laughs and once he is able to calm down, he grins at her.

“Carm, tell me.”

“No, fuck off.”

“Carm.”

“Go suck a fuck!”

“How exactly does one suck a fuck?”

Carmilla tries to give him her best glare but doesn’t succeed. 

“I hate you.” 

“I know you do, now tell me.”

Carmilla scoffs and leans against the bed as she stares at the ceiling. 

“I have a crush on Laura Hollis.”

The room was silent after Carmilla said that and she decided to focus on the ceiling a bit longer before finally deciding to look at J.P., who was smiling smugly at her. She immediately regretted saying anything to him. 

“J.P., fuck you.”

“Carm, I just wanna say that with the way you were staring at her while she did her stretches for P.E. yesterday, it was kind of obvious.” 

“Shut up.”

“Think she likes you?”

“Doubt it. We barely even talk.”

“We have that assignment in science together, why don’t you become partners with her?”

Carmilla puts her knees against her chest and hides her red face against them. 

“No.”

“Do you ever want to talk to her?”

“...yeah.”

“Then how are you gonna accomplish that without doing something about it?”

“What the hell does this mean though?”

“What?”

“I’m a girl and she’s a girl.”

“That is true but I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. You’re not the only one.”

“I’m not the only one what?”

“Carm, I also have a crush but its on a boy.”

“Who?”

“Mark Gomez.”  
\---  
Carmills shakes her head at that memory before focusing back at LaF, who was still gushing behind the paperback. 

“Want me to find out if she likes you?”

The book falls out of LaF’s fingers and lands on their lap as they stare at Carmilla.

“Are you serious?”

Carmilla chuckles before picking her guitar up and starts practicing her chords again. 

“Yep.”

LaF jumps up and throws their fists in the air and looks down at Carmilla, who was staring at them as her fingers froze on the guitar. They continue staring at each other as LaF slowly puts their arms down to their side and sits back down against the tree. 

“So, what do you think about Will’s response?”

Carmilla smirks before continuing the chord practice. 

“I don’t like him and I think J.P. can do better.”

“You’ve been saying that ever since J.P. first told us about him.”

“Are you saying you like him?”

“I’m not saying I dislike him nor am I saying I like him. I don’t know him but I know he makes J.P. happy.” 

Carmilla raises an eyebrow at them then looks down at the guitar. 

“Whatever.”

“Carm.” 

“What?”

“I have something else to confess.”

Carmilla holds the guitar against her chest and rests her elbow on it. 

“What?”

“I may or may not have did some research on Will.” 

“Did you find something?”

“Well yeah and it wasn’t hard either. I’m surprised J.P. didn’t look him up. He is a hacker.”

“Probably wanted to respect the guys privacy.”

“Makes sense.”

“So what did you dig up?”

“His name is William Eisen and he is in our graduating class. He is good friends with Kirsch and every other jock in the school. He used to be on team but left because of a knee injury.”

“William Eisen. Why does that name sound familiar?”

“Well, I pulled up his school I.D. photo and remember that guy you spoke to in the cafeteria?”

“Douche face?”

“Ummm yeah, him. That’s William Eisen otherwise known as Will.” 

“Yep, J.P. can do better. Are you gonna tell him?”

“Yeah, no.”

“I doubt he’ll be mad, he probably has been wanting to do the same thing.”

Carmilla looks at the time and immediately puts away her things. 

“Carm?”

“I have to get some clothes from home and I forgot. I have to hurry up before they get home.”

“Want me to come with you?”

Carmilla puts on her backpack and holds the guitar by its neck. 

“If you want but I’ll be quick.”

*****

Carmilla hands her guitar to LaF as they reach her house. There is no car in the driveway which is a good sign.

“I won’t be long.” 

She unlocks the front door and walks straight to her bedroom. She stuffs every pair of clothing she owns in her backpack then she sits down on the floor before lifting a board and grabbing the box hidden underneath it. She also stuffs this inside her bag before slinging it on her shoulders. She hears the front door shut and assumes it was LaF.

“I told you I wasn’t gonna be long.”

Suddenly she hears heavy footsteps walk to her room and knows she made an awful assumption. She stares at the open doorway as they get closer. She has no way of escaping her room since her windows are barred. 

“You going somewhere?”

Her blood runs cold as she stares at him; her foster parent. He isn’t as bad as his wife but still bad. 

“Did you lose your tongue or something?”

All she has to do is wait until he gets it out of his system before going to the fridge for a beer. She just has to tough it out and not give him any attention. 

“Hey kid, I’m talking to you. Did you lose your hearing with that noise you listen to with your fancy headphones?”

She takes a some silent breaths since she doesn’t want to make any noise or any movements. She has to stay still then he’ll leave to get a beer. 

“Oh I get it. You want me to leave you alone? Well, I’ll do just that if you give me some money.” 

Carmilla closes her eyes as she focuses on taking calm deep breaths and tries to slow down her heart beat. He is almost done, soon he’ll leave to get beer then she can make a run for it. 

“Don’t act like you don’t have any money. I know you have some. I’ve heard around town that you volunteer and shit and that they pay you good. So, I’m saying this again, give me some money.”

He walks inside the room and gets closer to her. 

“Open your eyes kid! I’m talking to you! I said give me some money!” 

There is a knock on the front door which makes him step away from her. 

“This isn’t over.” 

He walks to the front door and when he does, Carmilla slowly walks behind him. She sees him open the door and LaF there. 

“I’m so sorry to disturb you sir but I was just wondering if you had time to speak about the lord today? It will only take a moment of your time.” 

Carmilla contains her grin as she stands next to him, hoping he won’t notice her as he tries to come up with an excuse to close the door on LaF. 

“I don’t have any time.” 

“You don’t have time for the lord?”

“I do not.” 

“May I ask why. sir?”

“No.” 

He shifts to his side which left enough room for Carmilla to run through. She grabs LaF’s hand and they run away as quickly as possible. Once they get a good distance away from the house, Carmilla looks at LaF as they both pant. 

“Thank you.” 

“No problem.”

“How did you know?”

“Your house isn’t soundproof.”

Carmilla nods and takes a deep breath to calm herself. 

“Wheres my guitar?”

“It’s with J.P.”

“What? How?”

“Well when I saw the car pull up, I called him and he quickly came over in his dads truck.” 

“Okay, where is he?”

“I told him to wait at the woods.”

“Why not in front?”

“Had a feeling we were gonna have to make a run for it.”

“And we couldn’t have ran to the car?”

“Technically we are.”

LaF points ahead of them to the woods where they can see J.P.’s truck. 

“Thanks LaF.”

“No problem!”

“Oh and LaF, did you really have to go with the religion thing?”

“It just came out of my mouth so I went with it.”

Carmilla smiles as they walk towards J.P.

****

J.P. drove them all to his house and they all went to his bedroom since they all didn’t feel comfortable in the living room because his dad was asleep on the couch. 

Carmilla drops her bag on the floor right next to the guitar then lays down on J.P.’s bed while LaF sits next to the bed frame. 

“Yeah, go ahead make yourselves at home.” 

J.P. sits down on his computer chair before spinning it towards Carmilla and LaF. 

“So, LaF did you want to spend the night?”

“Yep.”

“Okay then I guess I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“Good idea and I’ll cuddle with Carm.”

Carmilla had been looking at ceiling and thinking about the guitar chords when LaF said that.

“What?”

LaFontaine and J.P. start laughing which Carmilla does not appreciate. 

“You guys can go fuck off.”

J.P.’s ringtone starts playing which causes them to be quiet. 

“I’m gonna take this outside.” 

He gets up and leaves the room while Carmilla looks over at LaF’s hair and decides to mess it up with her hands.

“Carm!”

Carmilla starts giggling as she continues to mess up LaF’s hair and avoiding LaF’s hands when they begin swatting at her. 

“Carm!!”

“Fine.”

Carmilla gets comfy on the bed and stares at the ceiling. 

“Carm?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m scared.”

“What? Why?”

Carmilla sits up and looks down at LaF, who was laying their head on the bed. 

“I’m scared of telling J.P. about Will.”

“If you want, I’ll do it.”

“Carm.”

“I’m serious. I’ll tell him I looked him up and like you said it was a simple search.”

“Thanks but I should be the one telling him.” 

The bedroom door opens and J.P. walks in with his face really pale.

“Yo, are you okay?”

LaF stands up and walks toward him while he seems to be glaring at the floor.

“Yeah, I’m good.” 

J.P. glances up at LaF then Carmilla.

“I gotta go do something. It won’t take long.”

“From how vague you’re being, I guess its safe to assume that we are not invited.” 

Carmilla stands up and stretches before walking towards J.P. 

“Yeah, sorry guys.”

“Can you tell us where you’re going?” LaF asks. 

“Hospital.” 

“The hell you going to a hospital for?” Carmilla asks.

“I have to drive someone home. No biggie.”

“Bring us back some takeout and we’ll forgive you for ditching us.” 

Carmilla grabs her guitar being getting back on the bed. 

“Chinese okay?”

Carmilla begins practicing the chords that she has now memorized as J.P. leaves the room.  
LaF sits on the bed right next to Carmilla’s boots. 

“Why do you never take off your boots?”

“Because.”

“Because why?”

“Just because.” 

LaF lets themselves fall on the bed. 

*****

Carmilla starts scribbling on her homework assignment as the teacher begins talking about a lab report that she is having due soon and that it is a group assignment. She didn’t want to work anyone; she wasn’t a huge team player so she already knew her future partner was going to be majorly disappointed. 

She wasn’t paying attention when the teacher had announced the partners but became aware of it when she heard someone sitting next to her. She was a little curious but didn’t let it overtake her since she was still doodling. 

“So, what do you want our project to be on?”

Carmilla recognizes that voice and feels herself deflate. Of course her partner is Kirsch. 

“Carmilla?”

“What?”

“Our project, what should we do?”

“Not a clue.” 

“We should brainstorm ideas.”

“Why don’t you get started on that?”

“Okay! Ummmmmmm.”

Carmilla closes her eyes and imagines that she is at the woods right now instead of here.

“I think that would be a good idea for our project.”

“Wait, what?”

Carmilla turns to look at Kirsch, who was smiling as usual.

“Wanted to see if you were paying attention or not. It’s cool. We can work on it at my place.” 

“...Uhh, what?”

Kirsch grabs the paper in front of Carmilla and writes something down.

“That’s my address, so I’ll see you at 5.” 

He gives her one last smile before getting up and walking back to this desk. Carmilla feels really confused, did she agree to something? She has no idea. What was up with the fact that she now had to go to his house? Why did he write down his address? Everyone knows where he lives since he throws parties like every weekend. 

Carmilla stuffs everything in her bag when the bell rang and bolts out of the classroom. She starts to make herself walk faster since she needs to get to the P.E. building. She needs to talk to LaF and tell them what just happened. 

She sees them slump against the bleachers and staring at the ceiling, well more like glaring. She looks up to see what deserves such look and sees nothing but the skylight. 

"Heads up!" 

Carmilla whirls around and sees a volleyball coming right at her so she smacks it back and it hits someone in the face. She chuckles then continues walking back to LaF, who was shaking their head at her. 

"Carmilla!" 

She stiffens at authority in the voice and turns around to look at the teacher. 

"Come here. Now." 

Carmilla sighs and slowly walks there. 

"Yes, Miss Chavez?" 

"I want you to apologize to Elsie, right now." 

"To be fair, I only hit the ball since it seemed to be directed towards me. Hitting Elsie was just an accident." 

"Regardless, apologize."

"Fine." 

Carmilla sighs again and walks to the girl on the floor. 

"Elsie, I am so sorry for accidentally smacking the ball in your face.”

She didn't even try her best to sound sincere. 

"Whatever." 

Carmilla nods then walks to where LaF is, who has a smug grin on their face. 

"You know that there are other ways to get Laura to notice you." 

She stills for a moment before turning around and sees Laura looking at her but like last time, Laura quickly looks away. Carmilla looks back at LaF before sitting next to them. 

"I think she would've been staring regardless of that." 

"What makes you say that?" 

"Well, yesterday in class, she was staring at me." 

"She was staring at you? Did you have something in your hair?"

"I didn't. I checked twice and even J.P. checked for me." 

"Maybe she likes you." 

"Don't." 

"You don't think it's a possibility?" 

Carmilla leans against the bleachers and sighs. 

"I really don't." 

"I'm curious. What is it that attracted you to her in the first place?" 

"I don't know."

"Explain." 

"I don't even know when I started liking her, all I know is that I figured it out when I started puberty." 

"Whoa." 

Carmilla nods as she tilts her head to stare at the ceiling. 

"So LaF, why the daggers towards the sky?" 

"Oh, I was thinking about how much I wish I could fly away." 

"If you build yourself wings, don't fly close to the sun." 

LaFontaine laughs then shakes their head. 

"So, you have never spoken to Laura?" 

"There were moments but it never happened." 

"Explain." 

Carmilla bites her lips as she looks for Laura on the other side of the volleyball court then smirks. She looks back at LaF. 

"For example, she will ask a question and when I am about to answer, someone interrupts. It happens like every single time." 

"Talk to her now." 

"What?" 

"She is staring at you again. Go talk to her." 

"She has a girlfriend." 

"I'm not saying ask her out, just talk to her. Like ask her why she keeps on staring at you and Danny isn't even here." 

Carmilla bites her lip and stares at the ground before her eyes find Laura who looks away again. 

"I'll do it if you ask out Perry." 

She looks over at LaF, whose face drained of color. 

"LaF?" 

They shake their head quickly before focusing on Carmilla. 

"Deal." 

"Let's shake on it and you can't back out." 

Carmilla raises her hand towards them and smirks as she waits for their hand to meet hers. 

"Deal." 

LaF shakes her hand then Carmilla clears her throat before standing up. She cracks her neck before walking towards Laura, who was staring at her again. 

She almost makes it but is stopped when a volleyball whacks her in the head which slammed her against the floor. 

***** 

When Carmilla wakes up, she sees a white ceiling and hears J.P. and LaF talking. She decides to listen in, so she closes her eyes and pretends to still be sleeping.

"I can't believe you made her do that." 

"I didn't make her do anything. She was the one who made the deal."

"Regardless, I still can't believe she did that. She never takes the initiative." 

"Have you spoken to Laura about Carmilla?" 

"Ummm I'm not at liberty to say." 

"J.P." 

"LaFontaine." 

"Fine, but do you at least know why she stares at Carm at lot?" 

"I think she is awake now." 

Carmilla didn't even make any sudden movements so she has no idea how he knew she was awake. She continues staying still, hoping they'll think it was a false alarm and resume the conversation. It was just getting good. 

"Carm, I know you're awake." 

"She has been sleeping the whole time and she still appears to be unconscious. How do you know she is awake?" 

"She was smirking when we started talking about Laura." 

She didn't even realize she did anything and suddenly she feels someone poking her stomach. 

J.P. is a dead man. 

"I hate you." 

J.P. laughs. 

"I know you do." 

She opens her eyes and shifts herself to face them both. 

"What happened?"

"Elsie got her revenge." 

"That bitch." 

LaF chuckles then their smug smile returns. 

"What?" 

"Guess who ran to you when you collapsed?" 

"Don't lie to me." 

"LaF will never lie to you." 

"J.P.'s right. I will never lie to you Carm." 

"Laura came to me?" 

"Yep she even held you and volunteered to take you to the nurses office." 

Carmilla sits up and stares at the wall ahead of her. Debating whether or not to believe LaF. It's true they never lie but Laura ran to her when she got knocked out? Seems unrealistic. 

"Look at Carm's face. She doesn't believe you." 

"J.P., why was LaF asking you for insight on Laura?" 

She turns to look at him and sees that he started bouncing his foot, which he does when he is nervous. He's hiding something. 

"J.P." 

"Remember that night when you picked me up at Kirsch's?" 

"You've been speaking to her since then?" 

"Yes. " 

"I love how much we communicate." 

"Carm..." 

"Even LaF knows." 

"I was just in the room when the numbers were being exchanged." 

"Wait, you've been texting?" 

J.P. nods and looks at the floor. 

"She was the one who called you last night, wasn't she?" 

J.P. looks up at Carm and doesn't say anything. 

"Hey Carm, why don't we talk about this later and focus more on the fact that you almost spoke to Laura today?" 

Carmilla smiles at LaF then leans back on the pleather bed. 

"What happened after she ran up to me?" 

"Like I said, she volunteered to help you to the nurses office. And I helped her carry you here." 

"She carried me here?" 

"I did too." 

"Thanks LaF. What else happened?" 

"She left when the bell rang." 

"Did she say anything?" 

"Barely, it was mostly awkward." 

"Can I leave already?" 

"Yes, the nurse said you can leave when you wake up." 

Carmilla stands up and stretches. All her bones crack. 

"What time is it?" 

"4:30." 

"Fuck!" 

"What?" 

"I'm suppose to meet Kirsch at his place." 

"What?" 

Carmilla stares at J.P. who finally said something. 

"Got paired with him on a lab assignment today." 

"I'll drop you off." 

*****

Carmilla watches J.P. drive off then looks at her phone to double check the time. 

4:58pm

She's early so she's decides to sit down on the curb and opens her web app to continue reading chords so she can play a song. She feels that she is ready for that. 

When she checks the time again it says 5:08pm and smiles at how late she is. 

She stands up and wipes her jeans from behind to make sure no dirt is there. 

Carmilla cracks her knuckles before knocking on the door and almost immediately Kirsch opens it. Was he waiting by the door? 

"Hello!" 

He steps aside and closes the door after she walks inside. 

"I have cookies in the dining room so we can eat while we brainstorm." 

She follows him and sits when she sees which chair is in front of plate of cookies. She almost swallows the whole cookie that she grab. 

"Oh, are you hungry? I can totally make you something to eat or we can order out." 

Carmilla stares at him and wonders if he is always excited. 

"I can eat." 

"Okay, what are you in the mood for?" 

"Surprise me." 

Kirsch smiles and practically runs to the kitchen. 

"Are you allergic to anything?!"

Carmilla jumps when she hears him shout and grabs another cookie before responding. 

"Nope!"

*****

Kirsch places a plate of homemade sweet and sour chicken on top of white rice in front of Carmilla. 

“There you go!”

He runs back into the kitchen then emerges with a plate of his own. He sits across the table from her.

“I really hope you like it. This is my speciality.”

Carmilla grabs her forks and gets some food with it. She wonders if its possible if he would try to poison her then that thoughts fades out when she sees him shoveling the food into his mouth, so she takes a bite which causes her to shovel the food into her mouth as well. It was really good. 

Kirsch and her are leaning against the chairs and rubbing their full tummies. 

“That was really good. I didn’t know you could cook.”

“Well, I got tired of take out so I picked up a cookbook.”

Carmilla nods then thinks about how Kirsch appears to be alone here. She is pretty sure he has parents/guardians since there is no way he is emancipated but then again she doesn’t know him. Maybe his rents work late or something. Why is she thinking about this? They have an assignment due sometime this week. She wonders with how little work she can get away with. 

“So, can I ask you something?”

He is being really polite which is odd and she mentally slapped herself for just noticing. He would’ve sexually objectified her like a million times by now and not once did make a sexist remark? Did she wake up in a different reality? Oh wait, he asked a question. What was the question?

“What?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Go for it.”

“Do you have a crush on Laura?”

Carmilla feels her face get warm and her throat starts to dry while her tongue swells. How does she respond to this? He is Laura’s best friend and if she answers this question, someone else will find out. She doesn’t want this information to spread. She likes the rumors that paint her as a she-demon since people leave her alone. If people found out that she has a crush on Silas’s sweetheart then she is doomed. 

“...no.”

Kirsch gives her a wide toothy grin. 

“I knew it! You like her!”

“No, I don’t.”

“Oh, really? Then answer this, why did you blush and hesitate before answering me?”

“Gas. I have gas.”

He laughs then wipes the tears coming out of his eye.

“Don’t worry, I’m not telling Laura.”

“I’m not worried about anything since I don’t-”

“Don’t even try to deny it.”

“There is no need to try since it’s not-”

“May I call you Carm? It feels weird to call you Carmilla.”

Seriously what happened to this boy? He never asked permission to call her a nickname. She remembers he dub her Carmsexy before. 

“Kirsch, can I ask you a question?”

This makes him smile even more which she didn’t even know was possible. How big is his mouth?

“Sure!”

He is an embodiment of a puppy.

“What happened to you?”

This causes his smile to disappear really quickly.

“What do you mean?”

Now he sounds sad which tugs at her heart strings. Why is she even feeling remorse? Did he do something to her food? He suddenly looks like sad puppy. Carmilla doesn’t like sad puppies. 

“I think I worded that wrong. What I meant is that you haven’t offended me at all. Like usually by now you would have called me every single sexually objectifying nickname in the book and asked me out like 20 times.”

Kirsch nods his head and he blushes a little. 

“I’m turning over a new leaf. I don’t like how I used to be. I treated women like objects but they are people too. They deserve respect.”

“I’m not gonna lie. I like this new you.”

His big toothy smile quickly returns. 

“I know right? Me too!” 

Maybe working with him on this assignment won’t be so bad. Hell, she might even participate. 

*****  
Carmilla leans against her favorite tree in the woods and gazes at the stars. They are so beautiful tonight. Maybe they’ve always been this gorgeous and she is just noticing because before she would look for an escape but now she is just admiring. 

She had a good day today and she even made a new friend. A very unexpected friend. 

She glances down at her phone as the song skips to the next one. She closes her eyes with a grin as she lets its lyrics and rhythm swallow her whole. 

“ _You say you feel so down,_  
_Every time I turn around_  
_You say you should've_  
_Been gone by now,_  
_You think that everything's wrong,_  
_Ask me how to carry on,_  
_We'll make it through_  
_Another day_  
_Just hold on_

_Cause life starts now,_  
_You've done all the things_  
_That could kill you somehow_  
_And you're so far down_  
_But you will survive this_  
_Somehow because_  
_Life starts now”_

******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's like almost been a month since my last update and my excuse is that I've been reading so many fanfics like so fucking many. I would be reading them at work and basically everywhere. I lost so much sleep because of them. Well, I have been writing during that but not enough so on Valentines Day, I was at the hospital since my sister was gonna give birth so I wrote while I waited and I just finished. It won't happen again. It'll take at least a week or two for the next update but it will never ever be like this long again. Anyways, I really hope you like this new update. Have a magical day!! http://clarkclexa.tumblr.com/ Lyrics are from the song "Life Starts Now" by Three Days Grace


	6. All Right Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura's POV

She stares at her clock as the sounds of it ticking echos in her room. She tries to silence the voices and memories in her head by focusing on that sound. It doesn’t work well since all she can remember is what happened when she entered the hospital room.

Kirsch had walked in first with Laura trailing behind him. She tried to focus on what to say to Danny since they haven’t spoken since Friday. She hoped that Danny didn't have any negative feelings toward her and if she did, she didn't really blame her.

Laura looked around the room and saw Danny's mom hooked up to an IV and was sound asleep. She didn't see Danny in there so she sat next to the bed. She looked at how peaceful Danny's mom looked. She completely forgot Kirsch was in the room and continued staring at her and wondering how Danny must be feeling.

She wasn't raised with a mom, just an overprotective father. All she knows about her mom is that she died giving birth to her and she has seen pictures but that's all they are, pictures. All she sees when she looks at them is a stranger who has similar features to her. Her dad talks about her mom a lot but it still doesn't do much for her. She doesn't know that woman but she likes to humor her dad.

Laura has no idea how Danny must be taking this like she could try to switch the scenario where it was her dad in the bed instead but that wouldn't do much but make her start crying which is the last thing that Danny should need.

She heard a knock and looked up to see a nurse smiling at her.

"Hello, I'm Jasmine and I'll be your nurse for evening. I'm just here to check her vitals and such."

The nurse walked over to one of the machines that is near the bed. Laura looked up at Kirsch, who was signaling to her with his head that they should go out in the hall. She nodded and followed him.

He leaned against the wall and looked down at her.

"You looked like you were on the verge of tears."

She didn't even realize her eyes were watery and she quickly wiped them before Danny showed up.

"Where's Danny?"

"She might be at the cafeteria or destroying a vending machine."

Laura raised her eyebrow at him, destroying a vending machine?

"Yeah after we got the news that her moms days were numbered she destroyed a chip machine and was about to attack a soda one when security grab her."

She should've been there for her but no she had to have that stupid talk with her on Friday. Instead she went to Kirsch, who Danny had mentions several times that she would love nothing more than to castrate him. But now Kirsch seemed to be the one Danny goes to when she needs someone. Danny doesn't need her.

"Laura?"

She jumped at the sound of her voice and quickly turned around to see Danny there, who appeared to be confused.

"What are you doing here?"

Danny looked so tired and pale. The bags underneath her eyes were big and dark. When was the last time she slept?

"I brought her here."

Laura broke contact with Danny to look up at Kirsch, who was staring at Danny as if waiting for her to do something.

"Kirsch-"

"No I don't want to hear it, Lawrence. You say you don't want her here but I know you do."

Laura looked over at Danny, who was glaring at him. Maybe she should just leave, it doesn't seem like Danny even wants her here.

"Kirsch, I know why you did this but the last person I want here is someone who broke my heart."

"What?"

Danny looked over at Laura and her eyes were a little dark and red. Is Danny drunk?

"Does that make you happy, Laura? You broke my heart when you dumped me!"

“I didn’t dump you!”

“Sure, you didn’t. I’ve just been imagining all of this pain.”

"Danny-"

"Shut up, Kirsch!"

"You're drunk."

Kirsch walked forward slowly and raised his hands up as if he were walking toward a wild animal.

"Kirsch-"

Before Danny was able to say anything, Kirsch wrapped his arms around her and patted her back as she started crying on his shoulder. This didn’t look like it was the first time it happened. Laura shouldn't be here.

Kirsch looked at Laura and shaked his head. Laura gave him a small smile and walked away. She pulled her phone out and called J.P.

He answered on the second ring.

****  
Laura decides to look away from the clock and gets up to play the CD J.P gave her last night. He said it was Carmilla's mix CD of some of her favorite songs.

She goes back on the bed as a guitar starts playing and tries to imagine how Carmilla listens to her music. Is she a head banger?

" _I can't escape this hell_  
_So many times I've tried_  
_But I'm still caged inside_  
_Somebody get me through this nightmare_  
_I can't control myself_

 _So what if you can see the darkest part of me_  
_No one will changed the animal I've become_  
_Help me believe me it's no the real me_  
_Somebody help tame this animal_ "

She can’t stop thinking about her, especially with what happened earlier today. They were in P.E. class, playing volleyball and Carmilla was looking at her a lot then she was walking over but Elsie smacked her in the head with the volleyball as some form of revenge since Carmilla hit her the same way earlier. Probably not as hard though.

She didn’t even realize that she was holding Carmilla until LaF and her were carrying her unconscious body to the nurses. She still has no idea what came over her during that moment.

Carmilla’s scent and touch hasn’t left her. She remembers that she smelled of lavender and pine cone. She felt soft and rough at the sametime. She even wondered how it would feel if-

Laura shakes those thoughts out of her head as she grabs her phone and composes a new message.

**Sending to J.P.**  
_Hey, are you busy?_

As she waits for a response, she goes through her photos. There are many pictures of her and Danny.

They are gonna need to talk soon but she doubts it'll ever happen. Danny is going through a lot right now and the last thing she needs is this dumb drama plus she has Kirsch. He will be good for Danny.

Her phones chimes that a new message has been received.

**From J.P.**  
_No, what's up?_

**Sending to J.P**  
_Can you come over?_

**From J.P.**  
_On my way._

Laura looks up at the ceiling as she tries to focus on the music. Carmilla has interesting taste.  
She shakes her head and remembers how Danny looked. Why did Danny think they were over?

The doorbell rings at the same time as her message tone.

**From J.P.**  
_I’m outside._

She smiles then runs downstairs to answer. She doesn’t have to worry about her dad since he has another late shift at work.

“That was quick.”

J.P. smiles as he walks inside.

“I was nearby.”

Laura shuts the door as she turns to look at J.P. who was smiling way too much.

“Alright, what's with the smiling?”

“Volleyball.”

Of course J.P. knows. He is Carmilla’s best friend.

“Shut up.”

“So, whats up?”

 Laura sighs as she starts walking upstairs to her room. She doesn’t bother to see if he is following or not.

She sits on her bed as J.P. closes the door behind him.

“Does this have anything to do with the hospital thing?”

“Danny thinks I dumped her.”

J.P. sits next to her and pats her back.

“Do you want it to be over?”

“...I don’t know. Even if I didn’t she doesn’t seem to ever want to see me again.”

“What happened at the hospital?”

Laura bites her lip before she looks at J.P.

“Kirsch took me there and I remember being in that room with her mom asleep, thinking about how I can’t figure out how Danny must be feeling. She always had her mom with her, I wasn’t raised with one. Then a nurse walked in to check something so I went with Kirsch out to the hall and Danny appears and loses it. She didn’t want me there so thats why I called you to pick me up.”

J.P. hugs her and pats her back.

“Explains why you were so quiet when I picked you up.”

“I’m sorry for not telling you then.”

“There's no need. You needed space to think.”

Laura gets out of the hug and sighs.

“I don’t know what to do.”

“You mean about Danny?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, it seems like to me that she needs her space and if she wants to be with you then she’ll find you but do what you feel is right.”

“I don’t think she wants to be with me anymore. Is it bad that I don’t know what I did? Like I just spoke to her about easing off with the whole protectiveness thing and I don’t understand how she got breaking up from that.”

“I’m curious have you thought about breaking up with her prior to that conversation?”

“No, I haven’t. Why?”

“Nothing, I just thought that maybe subconsciously you did want to break up and it was obvious to her but not you. I hope that makes sense.”

“Are you saying that she thought it was a break up because in someway my subconscious projected it?”

“You never know.”

“Seems plausible, I guess.”

“So you have a crush on Carmilla, don’t you?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Sure.”

“I just think she is neat.”

“Neat? You think she is so neat, that you can’t stop looking at her and you are listening to her mix?”

“ _I’ll face myself_  
_To cross out what I’ve become_  
_Erase myself_  
_And let go of what I’ve done_

 _Put to rest_  
_What you thought of me_  
_While I clean this slate_  
_With the hands of uncertainty_ ”

Laura stands up and runs to her stereo and turns it off.

“It’s a good mix, okay?”

“It’s okay, its not the best music in the world.”

“Whatever, so why were you in the neighborhood?”

“Thought you would never ask. I just dropped off Carmilla at Kirsch’s house.”

“Wait, can you repeat that? I thought I heard you say that you drop Carmilla off at Kirsch’s house.”

“You heard correctly.”

Laura sits back down next to J.P.

“Carmilla says they got paired up today for a project in Bio class.”

She is at Kirsch’s house right now, she could easily go over and ask to have a cup of sugar or something then while he gets some from the kitchen she can talk to her.

“Oh and another thing I should mention.”

Laura looks over to him.

“What?”

“Well, I haven’t exactly told Carm that I’ve been speaking to you and she found out today.”

“Why does it matter? Wait…”

“You know what forget I said anything!”

Laura grabs J.P.’s wrists and smiles.

“Does Carmilla have a crush on me?”

J.P. looks down at his phone and almost leaps up in joy when it starts ringing.

“I have to answer that!”

He gets out of her hold and runs out of the room to answer the phone.

Laura leans back on the bed. Carmilla has a crush on her? Is that possible? Is J.P. playing a prank? Is he a prankster? She doesn’t know him that well yet.

She sits up when J.P. walks back in. He looks like he has seen a ghost.

“What’s wrong?”

“Will called me.”

“Wait, what?”

“I don’t know how he got my number but he confirmed that he is Will.”

“Wait a second, you never told me what he responded.”

“Oh yeah, he basically said that he was unaware of his friends actions and that they are just homophobic idiots who like to get in his business a lot. Anyways, he called me because he wants to meet at camp.”

“Camp?”

“Oh yeah you weren’t paying attention since you were staring at Carmilla.”

“Shut up, I was paying attention.”

“Then tell me when is it happening.”

“I can do that.”

“I’m waiting.”

“It’s at the end of the year.”

“Obviously it is, I’m asking when is it?”

“May.”

“Laura, its in April.”

“Alright fine, you got me.”

“I was already aware of that but thanks for confirming.”

“So in one month you’re going to meet your boyfriend?”

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Alright, your future boyfriend?”

“Yeah, if thing go right.”

“Well, you can always ask Kirsch for backup.”

“Can you ask him for me?”

“Sure, why not Carmilla though?”

“Well, I was gonna give you the opportunity to talk to Kirsch so you can dig up how his afternoon with Carm went.”

“Oh.”

“So when did you start crushing on my friend?”

“I think when I first saw her eyes.”

“Tell me more.”

“I’m sure you know about this incident, remember when I smacked the dodgeball to LaFontaine’s face?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Well, Carmilla jumped in front of them as I ran over to apologize and I think that was the first time I was that close to her because suddenly I could see her.”

“That sounded so cheesy.”

“Why do I deal with you?”

“Everyone says the same thing but the answer to that is that I am loveable.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Laura quickly picks up her phone.

“Whoa, what's up?”

“If Kirsch is hanging out with Carmilla, then who is with Danny?”

**Sending to Kirsch**  
_Hey, how is Danny today?_

“What do you think is gonna happen after they pull the plug?”

“I don’t know, I don’t want to think about it.”

“Were you close with her mom?”

“Not really. I barely knew her.”

“You said that Danny was close with her mom and you guys dated for like 2 years, so how is that possible?”

“Danny always tried to get me to meet her and we did, once. I’m just not good with meeting parents.”

“Why not?”

Laura bites her lip as she starts playing with her fingers.

“I don’t know really but I think it might have something to do with the fact I’m not exactly close with mine.”

“I thought you were close with your dad.”

“We are but not really. Like we have nights where we hang out but we don’t talk about personal things. We mostly just hang out.”

“Laura, can I ask you something that is personal?”

“Yeah.”

“Does it have anything to do with your mom?”

Laura closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

“You can say that. He likes to talk about her a lot whenever he gets the chance and I’m tired of hearing about her. I know he wants to talk about her so I can get to know her but I don’t. Whenever I look at photos of her, I don’t see my mother. I see a woman who stole my dads heart and that looks like me. So I avoid talking about things since it’ll just launch him in another memory relapse and I hate telling him that I miss her too because I am lying and I hate doing that to him.”

J.P. sits down and gives her a hug.

“I can understand that. I don’t know mine either.”

Laura hugs him tighter. She feels really vulnerable right now, she has never told anyone that. She always avoided talking about this. She thought people would think she was heartless for thinking like this but J.P. understands.

She feels her phone beep.

**From Kirsch**  
_She’s doing good. Her dad is with her today._

******

Laura tries her best not to stare at Carmilla today. Ever since that reveal to J.P., she feels that her crush has magnified. Whenever she feels her eyes try to sneak a peek she diverts them to the teacher.

She has to focus today and not because of grades. She has already been accepted to a university that is out of state, which is what she likes. She has been wanting to leave this place ever since she first moved here as kid.

She didn’t hate it here but she just wanted to be by herself. Her dad was a little controlling when she was younger but he has calmed down a little bit. She feels her phone vibrate and she makes sure the teacher is still trying to project the computer screen to the overhead before checking it.

**From J.P.**  
_You look like you’re in pain. You alright?_

**Sending to J.P.**  
_Just peachy._

**From J.P.**  
_You want to look at Carmilla, don’t you?_

**Sending to J.P.**  
_Stop pretending you know me._

**From J.P.**  
_Are you telling me that I am wrong?_

**From J.P.**  
_Tell me I am right and I’ll give you a present._

**Sending to J.P.**  
_Fine. You’re right._

**From J.P.**  
_*_ Media Attached _*_

Laura almost drops her phone when she sees that J.P. sent her a photo of Carmilla. She saves it before she goes back to the messages.

**Sending to J.P.**  
_I hate you._

**From J.P.**  
_Shut up. I am loveable._

She shakes her head and her phone vibrates again as she was putting it away.

**From J.P.**  
_You saved the image didn’t you?_

**From J.P.**  
_Not creepy at all._

Laura put her phone back in her pocket before glaring over at J.P., who was smiling. She scoffs then notices that Carmilla is staring at her. She feels her face get red as they stare at each other. Are they having a staring contest?

Carmilla has nice lips and now she is licking them. She has a nice tongue. She has a nice face.

“Attention class! I have an announcement to make!”

Laura looks at the teacher and tries to calm her warm face.

“Permission slips for the camping trip are due next week! So remember to get them filled out! That is all, you can go back to work now.”

Laura looks down at her desk and sees that she has an unfinished worksheet and doesn’t even remember what to do with it. She looks over at Carmilla, who was scribbling something on a paper in front of her.

She sees that Carmilla hands a note back to J.P. then looks right back at her. They are having a staring contest again.

The bell rings which makes Laura jump and quickly stuffs her things in her bag and looks to where Carmilla’s desk is and sees that it is vacant.

*****

Laura finds Kirsch hanging out by the cafeteria and drags him to a spot that is more private.

“Whoa Laura, what's up?”

“Can I ask you for a favor?”

“Of course.”

“Alright, there's this friend of mine, who is gonna meet a boy at the camping trip and he is kind of scared of meeting him since last night didn’t end well for him, so could you back him up?”

“Of course, just tell me who it is and its done.”

“J.P.”

“J.P.?”

“Yes that is his name.”

“That’s funny cause my friend Will is gonna meet a guy named J.P. at the camping trip.”

“You know Will?”

“Yeah and so do you.”

“Wait, what?”

“Remember that guy who spilled his beer on you?”

“You have got to be kidding me.”

“Have I ever met this J.P. guy?”

“I would be surprised if you haven’t.”

“What you mean?”

“He’s everywhere, he helps the teachers with the computers and he is also Carmilla’s best friend.”

Kirsch laughs then grabs Laura's shoulder.

“Laura, can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“Do you have a crush on Carmilla?”

Laura swats his hand off of her and walks away.

“I knew it!”

She ignores him and starts away faster.

****

Laura sits down at a empty table in cafeteria with a tray of food and pulls out her phone.

**Sending ot J.P.**  
_I asked him and he said he’ll cover you at camp._

**From J.P.**  
_Thanks! Also you don’t have to eat alone. You can eat with us!_

**From J.P.**  
_Carmilla isn’t eating with us though. She left to work on that project with Kirsch._

Laura looks up and sees J.P. staring at her. She grabs her tray and walks over there.

She sits down next to LaFontaine.

“Hello, you must be the Laura I keep on hearing about.”

“And you’re LaFontaine. I’m sorry about the ball in your face.”

“It’s all in the past.”

“Laura, I was just trying to convince LaF here to go on the camping trip. They don’t want to go.”

“Why don’t you want to go?”

LaF sends a glare to J.P. before looking at Laura.

“I won’t be able to get permission.”

“LaF, you don’t need it. You already know Carmilla can fabricate their handwritings, she has done this for you before.”

“I just don’t want to go.”

“Please LaF, I don’t want to go alone.”

“Wait, is Carmilla not going?”

Suddenly, LaF and J.P. are both grinning at her.

“So Laura, do you have a thing for our dear ol’ Carmilla?”

“I think eating lunch here was the worst idea ever.”

 LaFontaine snickers then grabs cookie from their tray.

“I’ll give you this cookie if you answer me truthfully.”

“I already have a cookie.”

Laura looks down at her tray and can’t find her cookie. She looks up at J.P., who was obviously eating a cookie.

“J.P. why did you eat my cookie?”

She looks over to LaF, who was smiling. They both planned this, didn’t they?

“Fine, give me your cookie first.”

“No cause then you’ll just eat it and leave. You’re not getting it until you answer.”

Laura crosses her arms before muttering out.

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you. What did you say? Speak up please.”

She glares at LaFontaine as they held a hand to their ear.

“Yes.”

LaFontaine places the cookie on Laura’s tray.

“Carmilla isn’t going on the camping trip.”

Laura grabs the cookie and munches on it before someone else takes it again.

“Are you going, Laura?”

She looks at LaFontaine and nods since her mouth is filled with cookie. LaFontaine nods then looks over at J.P.

“I’ll go if you can get Carmilla to go.”

“Deal.”

*****

Laura walks into her bedroom and presses play on the stereo and face plants on her bed.  
She listens to the music as she starts thinking about Carmilla again.

Is Carmilla a head banger?

_“So deep that it didn’t even bleed and catch me_  
_Off Guard, red handed_  
_Now I’m far from lonely_  
_Asleep I still see you lying next to me_  
_So deep that it didn’t even bleed and catch me I…_

_I’ll be just fine_  
_Pretending I’m not_  
_I’m far from lonely_  
_And It’s all that I’ve got”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started this last week and finished this today since again, got distracted by fanfiction. Alright, a lot of you have been asking about a update schedule, so I'm gonna attempt one. This is gonna be a trial run and see if I can manage doing a schedule. I'm gonna try to update by next Thursday night to Friday morning. Remember that I said its a trial run to see if I can do this so if I don't update by next week, I'm sorry. Alright, I hope you guys enjoy the chapter. http://clarkclexa.tumblr.com/ Lyrics are from the song "Animal I've Become" by Three Days Grace, "What I've Done" by Linkin Park and "All That I've Got" by The Used


	7. Chasing Cars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla's POV

Carmilla rubs her belly after she finished the food on her plate. She is at Kirsch's place again. She loves eating his food and she also likes hanging out with him. He has been pleasant company. He also wasn't lying when he said he turned over a new leaf. She would be lying if she said she didn't think about what was it that sparked the change in him but she isn't going to ask.  
   
They were suppose to be working on the project but they haven't even started and it's been two weeks and the due date is this Friday and it's only Sunday.  
   
It wasn't Carmilla's fault that they haven't done anything nor was it Kirsch's, it's just that whenever they get together to work on it, they eat then they nap then they talk for a bit and then Carmilla leaves.  
   
"We really should start on the project."  
   
"You've been saying that for the past two weeks and not even our names have been written down."  
   
Kirsch gets up from the table and grabs a notebook from his bag and a pencil. He sits backs down, opens it up and writes down his name then slides the notebook towards Carmilla.  
   
She grabs the pencil and writes her name down as well.  
   
"We have made some progress."  
   
"Carm, we really should work on this."  
   
"What is it suppose to be on?"  
   
Kirsch stays silent for a moment before getting up to grab his backpack and begins to look through it. He stops and looks at her. His eyes look like he is trying to do some sort of puppy dog look.  
   
"Don't look at me like that. I didn't lose the paper like you."  
   
Kirsch sits back down and grabs the notebook back from her.  
   
"Alright, we can use yours then."  
   
"I don't have one."  
   
"You just said you didn't lose yours."  
   
"I can't lose what I never had."  
   
Kirsch buries his face on the palms of his hands.  
   
"Carm, what are we gonna do?"  
   
She chuckles before grabbing her phone and dialing LaF. They answer on the second ring.  
   
_"What is it, Carm?"_  
   
"You had Ms. Kelly last year for Bio 2, what was the project she assigned around the end of the term with partners?"  
   
_"Ummm I'm gonna be honest with you, I don't remember. I do remember my project made the fire alarm go off."_  
   
"Do you at least have the worksheet she handed out for it?"  
   
_"No I do not... But I know someone who might."_  
   
"Let me guess, Perry?"  
   
_"...yeah."_  
   
"When do you think you can get it from her?"  
   
_"...now actually."_  
   
"LaF... Are you at her house?"  
   
_"....yeah."_  
   
"Wasn't your science project due like last week?"  
   
_"Yes, it was."_  
   
"So, you're at her house and you're not doing school work. What else could you be doing?"  
   
_"We are having a Harry Potter movie marathon."_  
   
"Is it a date?"  
   
_"No."_  
   
"LaF, why haven't you asked her out yet?"  
   
_"Why haven't you spoken to Laura yet?"_  
   
"Touché. Let's make a deal."  
   
_"Like the one that got a volleyball to your head?"_  
   
"Similar but you ask her out and I'll talk to Laura."  
   
Kirsch perks up at hearing Laura's name.  
   
_"I like the sound of that but I don't think you'll come through."_  
   
"What makes you say that?"  
   
_"You've been crushing on this girl for a really long time and you still haven't even spoken to her."_  
   
"Your point being?"  
   
_"That was my point. You have never spoken to this girl before so actually speaking to her will be out of your comfort zone."_  
   
"Hey! Remember I did try before I got hit by a volleyball."  
   
_"I refuse to acknowledge that event since you got hit in the head."_  
   
"Regardless, I did try that time."  
   
_"Do you think it was a sign from the universe?"_  
   
"LaF, we are not having this discussion again."  
   
_"But Carm-"_  
   
"LaF, weren't you in the middle of watching movies with Perry?"  
   
_"Perry is helping her younger brother with homework so I have time until she returns."_  
   
"Well, isn't she a saint."  
   
_"Carm, you haven't spoken to her yet, huh?"_  
   
"Yeah, I haven't but I plan to."  
   
_"Carm?"_  
   
"Yeah?"  
   
_"I miss you. So does J.P. and you guys live together. We need to hang out and catch up."_  
   
Carmilla closes her eyes and reflects back on the past two weeks. Ever since Kirsch and her became partners, they have been hanging out a little too much. They rarely did anything productive together, they literally always ate and spoke about comics or they would talk about music. They had similar taste which surprised Carmilla since she peg him as a country guy.  
   
They never really spoke about anything else. Not even Laura. That was a topic she had planned to avoid ever since Kirsch had asked her about her feelings towards the girl but he never brought it up. It was like he knew she didn't want to talk about it. She liked that about him, it was like he knew what to avoid talking about with her.  
   
"I'm sorry LaF, we should definitely hang out after I finish this project."  
   
_"I feel like you're blowing me off since you never cared about doing homework much less group work. I thought you didn't even like Kirsch."_  
   
"I'm not blowing you off. I don't know what to say to prove it to you but I do promise to explain everything once we hang out."  
   
_"I sure hope so."_  
   
"How is J.P?"  
   
_"Has been hanging out with Laura a little more than usual."_  
   
"Who have you been hanging out with?"  
   
LaF doesn't respond and Carmilla knows why.  
   
"I feel that blush through the phone. You've been hanging out with Perry, haven't you? I'm willing to bet money that this isn't even the first marathon you've had with her."  
   
_"...so I'm gonna give you a copy of the sheet tomorrow at lunch, sound good?"_  
   
"Subject changes usually means yes but yeah I'll see you at lunch."  
   
_"Yeah, I'll see you then."_  
   
"Before I hang up, I wanna say one thing."  
   
_"And that is?"_  
   
"Give Perry my love."  
   
Carmilla laughs when she hears the click on her phone which indicates that the other caller hung up.  
   
"So, you haven't spoken to Laura?"  
   
"Oh god, not you too."  
   
"Don't worry I don't plan to say anything else other than I know how you feel."  
   
Carmilla looks up at him and sees that he is suddenly not present in the room and is currently taking a trip down memory lane.  
   
"Who is it?"  
   
Kirsch snaps out of his daydream and focuses on Carmilla.  
   
"What?"  
   
"Who are you crushing on?"  
   
Kirsch's face turns red and then looks down at his empty plate.  
   
"I'm gonna put the dishes in the dishwasher."  
   
"Usually, I don't make people tell me things but you know about my crush and I don't know it only seems fair to tell me yours."  
   
Kirsch nods then looks back at Carmilla.  
   
"Alright, I'll you who she is but please don't judge me. I already know you're not a fan of hers."  
   
"You gotta be more specific, I'm usually not anyone's fan."  
   
"Expect Laura's."  
   
"Fuck you."  
   
"I'm not interested."  
   
Carmilla glares at him as he smirks at her.  
   
"I can already tell your taste sucks. I'm quite a catch."  
   
"Sure you are Carm."  
   
"So, who is she?"  
   
Kirsch shifts uncomfortably in his seat then picks at the edges of the plate in front of him.  
   
"Danny."  
   
Carmilla stills for a moment then refocuses her eyes on him. She blinks a few times to make sure this isn't some odd dream.  
   
"I'm sorry, did I hear you correctly? Cause I believe I just heard you say that you have a crush on Clifford."  
   
Kirsch sighs then looks at Carmilla, looking rather defeated.  
   
"You heard correctly. Her name is Danny and I would appreciate it a lot if you used her name instead of an offense nickname."  
   
"This coming from a guy who used to call her 'psycho society'."  
   
He lowers his head and stares at the plate in front of him.  
   
"Is she the reason you decided to change?"  
   
Kirsch continues looking at the plate then licks his lips before looking at her again.  
   
"I guess you could say that, but not in the way you think."  
   
"Then why the change?"  
   
"Danny put the idea in my head but she isn't the reason I did this. I like the way people seem to be less on edge now when I am around, like before when I would say sexist remarks or sexual innuendos about a female, they would have this uncomfortable expression but now they know that I won't harass them like that no more. I always hated it when people were uncomfortable around me but never really knew why they were so I'm happy I found the root of the problem."  
   
"That's... That is really awesome Kirsch."  
   
He smiles at her then picks at his plate again.  
   
"What are you planning to do after graduation?"  
   
Carmilla sits back against the chair and relishes the comfort her back feels.  
   
"I'm planning to book it and never come back."  
   
"Where are you planning to go?"  
   
"I'm not picking a destination yet. I'll choose when I'm at the bus station."  
   
"Alright?"  
   
Carmilla sighs then scratches her nose before looking at Kirsch again.  
   
"I have money saved up so when I go to the bus station, I can choose any location based on the amount of money I have."  
   
"Okay, that makes more sense."  
   
"What about you? What are your big plans?"  
   
Kirsch smiles as he crosses his arms.  
   
"I got accepted at 5 universities and I still haven't picked one yet. They are all football scholarships."  
   
"Are you planning to go into the NFL?"  
   
"No, I don't even like football, I just did it so I could get a scholarship into a good school."  
   
Carmilla nods as she stands up to stretch.  
   
"It feels like it's late. So tomorrow I'll have a copy of the paper and we'll work on it then."  
   
Kirsch gets up and grabs the plates.  
   
"I'll see you tomorrow then."  
   
She nods as she grabs her bag and guitar then heads out the door.  
   
*****  
   
Carmilla relaxes against the tree as she stares at the stars with her guitar resting against her stomach. She has been practicing for a few weeks now, so she thinks she can play a song already.  
   
She did learn how to play the chords for Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. She remembers watching that YouTube tutorial so much that she now finds herself hating that song which is hilarious since it's the only song she knows how to play.  
   
Carmilla clears her throat as she adjusts the guitar and has her fingers ready to play. Even though she hates the song, she is gonna play it again and again until she feels she gets it right.  
   
She plays the intro to the song and so far she feels it's decent, way better then the first time.  
She clears her throat again before singing.  
   
"We'll do it all  
Everything  
On our own"  
   
She starts getting into the rhythm in her fingers.  
   
_"We don't need_  
 _Anything_  
 _Or anyone_  
  
 _If I lay here_  
 _If I just lay here_  
 _Would you lie with me and_  
 _Just forget the world_  
  
 _I don't quite know_  
 _How to say_  
 _How I feel_  
  
 _Those three words_  
 _Are said too much_  
 _They're not enough"_  
   
Carmilla smiles as she leans against the tree and stops playing. She stares at the stars again. She wouldn't mind doing this kind of thing forever. She loves her guitar, it brings her peace like the woods does.  
   
Once she gets out of this town, she can play her heart out. The music scene is everywhere. She'll figure it out then.  
   
She feels her phone buzz.  
   
**From J.P.**  
_I found of your guitar picks._  
   
**Sending to J.P.**  
_Where?_  
   
**From J.P.**  
_CD player._  
   
**Sending to J.P.**  
_Oh._  
   
**From J.P.**  
_Care to explain?_  
   
**Sending to J.P.**  
_Nope._  
   
**From J.P.**  
_Alright, I'll leave it on the dresser next to your other ones._  
   
**Sending to J.P.**  
_Thanks_.  
   
Carmilla puts her phone on the ground and goes back to staring at the stars. She wonders what else is out there. Her phone buzzes again.  
   
**From J.P.**  
_How are you??_  
   
**Sending to J.P**  
_I'm content._  
   
She puts the phone back and thinks about J.P.  They haven't really spoken since he convinced her to go to the camping trip a few weeks ago.  
   
Carmilla was practicing on her guitar when he walked in and said that she was going to the camping trip. She never even gave the trip any thought until he said that.  
   
"I'm not going."  
   
J.P scoffed at her response and then sat next to her on the bed.  
   
"This isn't a negotiation. You're going and you're gonna fill out LaFontaine's permission slip also."  
   
"J.P."  
   
"Carm, please go. I'm meeting Will there and I want my friends there this time."  
   
Carmilla closed her eyes and thought back to the night of the party when they were originally suppose to meet. LaF and her were hanging out while J.P had to go through that.  
   
"Fine, I'll go."  
   
"Great, now fill these out."  
   
J.P stood up and threw two permission slips on her face then walked out and Carmilla never saw him again. Well, not literally more like they haven't hung out since then.  
-  
Carmilla looks back the stars before standing up. It's getting late and she has a long walk back to J.P's place. Might as well leave now.  
   
*****  
   
Carmilla smirks as she sees Kirsch drumming his pencil against the desk. She remembers that last night he was struggling to keep up with her when she was putting together the project. Today is Friday, which means that its due today.  
   
They had a long night since the only thing they manage to do after getting the worksheet from LaFontaine, was write their names down. It wasn’t until Thursday night that they finally started on it.  
   
She kicks his foot to get him out of his deep concentration of banging his pencil and chuckles when he looks at her.  
   
“So, are you going to the camping trip next week?”  
   
Carmilla stretches and pats her stomach.  
   
“Yep, my friend made me come.”  
   
“Good.”  
   
“I’m assuming you’re also going.”  
   
“Hell yeah, plus Laura also asked me to be backup for J.P when he meets Will.”  
   
“Wait, you know J.P?”  
   
“I don’t actually but I know Will.”  
   
“I don’t like Will.”  
   
“He never really gives a good impression but once you get to know him, he is a great guy.”  
   
“That is what J.P says every time but I don’t care.”  
   
Kirsch smiles at her and was about to say something else when the teacher started talking. Carmilla scratches her nose as she begins to drone out the teacher.  
   
She pulls her phone and decides to send J.P a text.  
   
**Sending to J.P.**  
_Hey, are you busy tonight?_  
   
She was about to put the phone back in her pocket when it buzzed.  
   
**From J.P.**  
_Why, whats up?_  
   
**Sending to J.P.**  
_I wanna go to the woods with you tonight._  
   
**From J.P.**  
_YES!_  
   
**Sending to J.P.**  
_We're  going after school._  
   
**From J.P.**  
_We’ll meet up at my car._  
   
**Sending to J.P.**  
_I’m surprised your dad hasn’t noticed its absence._  
  
**From J.P.**  
_He got fired the other day so he hasn’t gotten off the couch._  
   
**Sending to J.P.**  
_I’ll see you then._  
   
Carmilla puts the phone back in her pocket and looks over at Kirsch, who was also texting. He looks up from his phone and smiles at her before looking at the teacher. She wonders if he was texting Laura or Danny.  
   
She still cannot believe he has a crush on Danny. No, she isn’t gonna focus on this right now. If Kirsch likes her then he likes her, she has no place to judge. She doesn’t even know Danny, maybe she is a good person. She wouldn’t know, she doesn’t know her.  
   
She clears her mind before she starts thinking more about that subject. She starts thinking about the last few weeks where she would get into staring contests with Laura. Those were highly entertaining. She loves seeing her cheeks get so red and how she bites her lips a lot, which can get a little too entertaining.  
   
Carmila feels a poke against her wrist and she looks over at Kirsch, who points to the teacher and sees that they are looking at her.  
   
“Miss Karnstein, I see you finally have your head out of the clouds. Would you care to give us an answer?”  
   
“An answer to what?”  
   
The teacher grins at her then points to the board where some equation is written. She raises her eyebrow at it and wonders if she is even in the right class.  
   
“I have to go to the bathroom.”  
   
Carmilla gets up and walks out of the classroom and shuts the door as the rest of the class begins laughing. She has no doubt in her mind that the teacher made some rude remark about her.  
   
She can’t wait to leave this place and never come back.  
   
*****  
   
Carmilla locks the stall door behind her and sits on the toilet tank, with her shoes on the seat. She buries her face on her palm as she tries to focus on the woods. The beautiful green leaves and wonderful smell that fills her nose. She’ll be there later today after school.  
   
She remembers when she used to want to build a treehouse there. She would bring a lot of wood and try to build one. She ended up giving up since she realized, she needed help with it. During that time, she wanted to keep the woods a secret.  
   
This was the only place she knew where she could go to have privacy and peace.  
   
She needs that peace right now. Only other alternative is to play her guitar but thats in the band room right now. Maybe she could sing. It is similar to the guitar. She clears her throat.  
  
_“Have you ever been alone fightin' your own war?_  
 _Someone stole the life from you and now they're back for more_  
 _Your heart is on the floor beatin' out of control_  
 _Oh, I don't want this anymore_  
  
 _So I'll be sailin' on out into Bermuda blue_  
 _Compass needle breaks like the heart I gave to you_  
 _I've been layin' down in the devil's lair_  
 _Sailin' into the sun, I'll be baptized there_  
  
 _In matters of the heart, one must try to fill it up with love_  
 _And grace can start a fire, immerse old wounds and douse them out_  
 _Pick your heart up off the floor, hold it gently now and go_  
 _To the place you were meant to know”_  
   
Carmilla stops singing the moment she hears the bathroom door open and stays still. Whoever just walked in the bathroom, doesn’t seem to be doing anything.  
   
“Is anyone in here?”  
   
Carmilla feels goosebumps on her skin as she feels a chill run down her spine. She knows that voice anywhere.  
   
“I heard singing, I know someone is in here.”  
   
She holds in a breath since she didn’t want to risk her breathing to be heard.  
   
“Fine, stay mysterious. But I will find you.”  
   
She hears footsteps fade out the door but she stays still. She knows this trick.  
   
“Whoever you are, you have a beautiful voice.”  
   
She hears the door shut and she releases her the air she held in. She gets off the toilet and unlocks the stall the walks to the mirror.  
   
That voice belongs to Laura.  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So maybe I can manage a schedule but who knows if I'll be able to update in the next two weeks since I'll be visiting my girlfriend in Canada. If I have time then I'll try. So anyways, I really hope you all enjoy the chapter. http://clarkclexa.tumblr.com/ Lyrics are from the song "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol, and "Baptized by Fire" by Spinnerette


	8. A New Wave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura's POV

The birds are singing as they fly from branch to branch. Laura lowers her video camera and overviews the footage she just filmed. She bites her lip as she walks through the park. She hates the limited amount of trees here but she can't complain.  
   
Laura sits down on a bench and pulls out her phone. She reads through the past conversation with Kirsch.  
   
**From Kirsch**  
_Busy tonight??_  
   
**Sent to Kirsch**  
_Why? Are we gonna do something?_  
   
**From Kirsch**  
_Movies._  
   
**Sent to Kirsch**  
_Sure but I have to film some stuff first._  
   
**From Kirsch**  
_You don't have a media class._  
   
**Sent to Kirsch**  
_Do I need a reason to film?_  
   
**From Kirsch**  
_No you don't. I was just saying. So, you're just gonna randomly film stuff or have an idea?_  
   
**Sent to Kirsch**  
_Birds and trees._  
   
**From Kirsch**  
_*bees_  
   
**Sent to Kirsch**  
_You're disgusting._  
   
**From Kirsch**  
_;)_  
   
**Sent to Kirsch**  
_Anyway, I'll text you when I am done._  
   
**From Kirsch**  
_I'll be waiting._  
   
Laura smiles down at her phone then looks up at the small park. She wishes she could find a better area to film.  
   
She looks down at the video camera and strokes it. She remembers getting this as a birthday present from her dad a few years ago. She has never really used it until recently.  
   
Ever since she heard someone singing in the bathroom today, it made her feel inspired. It sounds cheesy but the lyrics were really motivational for her.  
   
Laura grabs her camera bag and puts everything away. She thinks about the moment she was walking down the hallway and heard that beautiful voice.  
   
It was a rough, raw voice that reminds her a little of some rock bands she used to listen to.  
   
She adjusts the strap on the bag before swinging it onto her shoulder and taking one last look at the birds singing in the trees before walking away.  
   
xxxx  
   
Laura boots up her computer and types out the lyrics that have been stuck in her head all day. She clicks on the YouTube link and closes her eyes.  
   
_“Have you ever been alone fightin' your own war?_  
 _Someone stole the life from you and now they're back for more_  
 _Your heart is on the floor beatin' out of control_  
 _Oh, I don't want this anymore”_

This song is gonna be overplayed on her iPod and she knows it. She goes to iTunes to download it and decides last minute to just purchase the whole album plus the album cover is really nice to look at. ([x](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/2/21/Spinnerette_Album_Cover.jpg))  
   
She picks up her phone and texts Kirsch.  
   
**Sent to Kirsch**  
_Can we hang out before we go to the movies?_  
   
Laura stands up to grabs her video camera and takes out the battery to go place it in the charger. She wonders what she will do with this footage. She has nothing to really do with it other then add a music track and some odd video filters.  
   
She lays down on her bed and stares at her ceiling. She has no idea what her true passion is yet and it bothers her.  
She applied to multiple schools with journalism as her major but she isn't sure she actually wants to pursue that. She wouldn't mind being the one holding the camera though.  
   
She could go apply to a film school but she is already set to go to University of California. It was listed as one of the best schools for her major. Maybe once she graduates she can go to school again but this time she can go to film school.  
   
Laura grabs a pillow and plops it on her face as she groans underneath it. Why did she have to college right after high school?  
Why can't she take a year to decide what she wants?  
   
She know she easily could decline her admission to the schools but her dad was so proud of her when she got accepted. It was nice to see her dad happy for once and she doesn't want to think about how he will look if she says she doesn't want to go.  
   
Before she can make her head and heart hurt even more, she hears her phone ding. She tosses the pillow off her face and walks to the computer and grabs her cell phone.  
   
**From Kirsch**  
_Yeah we can. Can I go over now?_  
   
**Sent to Kirsch**  
_Yes, you can come over._  
   
Laura connects her iPod to the computer to sync the new music to it before going downstairs to be the near the door when Kirsch comes over.  
   
xxxx  
   
Kirsch follows her upstairs and she quickly jumps onto her bed as Kirsch sits on her computer chair.  
   
"I didn't know you liked Spinnerette."  
   
Laura smiles as she nods.  
   
"Yeah, I just recently got into them. How did you?"  
   
"Well, when I did the project with Carmilla, we mostly just hung out and she would jam this album a lot. It's a really good album. So, how did you get into them?"  
   
Laura feels a little taken back, Carmilla likes Spinnerette? She shouldn't be surprised, the mix J.P. gave her was filled with rock music though mostly male fronted. She wonders what else Kirsch and Carmilla did. They hung out a lot during those few weeks. She rarely saw him though that could be due to hanging out with J.P.  
   
Kirsch asked a question and she still hasn't answered. She clears her throat before licking her lips.  
   
"Today at school, when I was in the hall, I heard someone singing one of their songs in the girls bathroom. I don't know who it was but man I fell in love with this lyrics."  
   
Kirsch nods and then looks to the floor before looking back up at Laura.  
   
"Danny's mom is doing better."  
   
She hasn’t thought much about Danny in awhile, like sometimes she will ask Kirsch how she is but they never indulge further about her. Maybe now that her mom is doing better, they can finally have that talk but like what J.P. told her, she should wait until Danny approaches her.  
   
“Thats really good. How is Danny handling all of it?”  
   
Kirsch smiles and has a hint of a blush on his cheeks before he clears his throat.  
   
“She has never been happier. She is planning to return back to classes next week.”  
   
Laura nods and looks down to the floor. She should be mad at herself since she hasn’t missed Danny. Danny is her girlfriend (well, they haven’t officially broken up)  and she has been thinking about another girl.  
   
“Is she going to the field trip?”  
   
“Yeah, I turned her permission slip in.”  
   
“You guys have gotten close, haven’t you?”  
   
Kirsch swallows something as he sits up straight and runs his palms on his thighs as if drying off sweat.  
   
“Yes, we have.”  
   
“I’m so confused about this, like last time I checked, she hated you but now? What happened?”  
   
Kirsch looks at Laura and his eyes suddenly seem sad and his smile is now non-existent. He looks away and focuses on a random wall before he sighs. He looks back at her and gives her a small smile.

“Well, after you spoke to her at the ice cream shop, she came back to the party and she was trying to pick a fight with me, like she usually does but once it was time for everyone to leave, she stayed and helped me to clean. We spoke all night and we got to know each other.”  
   
Laura nods slowly as she shifts her position on the bed to cross her legs.  
   
“I’m not gonna lie, I assumed the worst when you took me to the hospital.”  
   
Kirsch smiles and stands up to go sit next to her and puts an arm on her shoulders to pull her close.  
   
“There is nothing going on between Danny and I. If there was, I wouldn’t do that to you. You guys are technically still together.”  
   
Laura chuckles as she leans her head against his arm.  
   
“Kirsch, you know I already like someone else. So if you are into her, you have my blessing.”  
   
Kirsch chuckles and wraps her into a hug.  
   
“Thanks Laura. Anyways, we have that movie to get to.”  
   
Laura gets out of the hug and stands up.  
   
“So, which movie was it that you wanted to see?”  
   
“Insidious.”  
   
“Isn’t that the scary movie?”  
   
“It’s not that scary.”  
   
“Kirsch, if I throw my popcorn in the air because of a jump scare, I’m never hanging out with you again.”  
   
Kirsch laughs as he starts walking out of her room.  
   
xxxxx  
   
Laura stares at her alarm clock as she waits for it to ring. She hasn't been sleeping well since the news about Danny returning to school and the movie she saw with Kirsch also had something to do with it.  
   
She turns off her alarm after it goes off. She stretches as she sits up and grabs her phone. She pulls up her calendar and counts the days until the senior field trip next Saturday.  
   
Only reason she is excited about it is because Carmilla is going and she’s kind of hoping that they may finally talk. She finds it ridiculous that they haven’t spoken yet.  
   
She remembers back when Carmilla used to live across the street from her. She would catch Carmilla watching her through her window. She never thought much about it but now when she reflects back, Carmilla seemed really lonely. She didn’t appear to have any friends during that time and J.P. wasn’t in their school yet until a few years later.  
   
Laura never tried to be talk to Carmilla when they were younger but her friends attempted to, multiple times but they always said that she was difficult to communicate with since she either said one word responses or nothing at all. Her friends thought she was weird so that made her want to talk to Carmilla even less.  
   
She hears her front door close and looks over to her clock. She just missed her dad, he was probably on his way to go fishing or something. She doesn’t remember him mentioning any plans to her.  
   
Laura gets out of bed and goes downstairs to get some poptarts. She sits down on the counter top as she eats. She looks over to the time and is shocked that she literally has no plans today. It’s a Saturday and she has nothing on her agenda. There are no parties today nor any other social events.  
   
She jumps off the counter as she finishes her food and runs upstairs. She boots up her computer and goes online to check what some of her friends/classmates are up to then maybe she can crash what they are doing or at least get an idea to find something to do.  
   
She sees that she has some messages and decides to read them later after she goes through her newsfeed. So far, it seems that people are mostly talking about the movie she saw last night with Kirsch. Nothing about parties or group hangs at a burger joint or anything. She clicks on the message icon and goes through them. They are mostly questions about assignments and confirmations on due dates.  
   
Laura leans back in her chair and sighs. She has never been so bored in her life, she could text J.P. and see if he wants to hang out but he is never up this early. Suddenly, she gets an idea of how to waste a good 20 minutes. She clicks on the search bar on the page and types out Carmilla's name. Maybe she can find out where she might be today and ‘accidentally’ bump into her.  
   
Of course, Carmilla’s account is on private and they aren’t friends on here. Maybe she should send a friend request. It can't be that weird to send one. She gets some from classmates that she hasn’t even interacted with and she is sure that Carmilla won’t think much of it plus she is good friends with J.P., so it won’t be weird at all. They have mutual friends.  
   
The cursor hovers over the ‘send friend request’ button for over 5 minutes.  
   
Laura leans back in her chair and stares at the button. She has never felt this nervous over clicking something before. Why does it feel like this situation is life or death? She taps her fingers on the desk as she imagines what would happen if she were to click it.  
   
Would Carmilla accept?  
   
Would she decline?  
   
Would she figure out her crush on her?  
   
Would she think she was a stalker?  
   
Why does she care so much about how Carmilla is gonna react?  
   
WHY?  
   
Laura moves the mouse to the red x and clicks it. She turns off her computer and goes back to bed. That was too stressful for her. She grabs her phone and clicks on the photos app and pulls up the image of Carmilla that J.P. sent to her.  
   
She studies the image like she has done multiple times before. She likes to imagine scenarios based off the image like if she were the one who took this photo or if Carmilla was in front her right now. She feels her cheeks burn and she lets the phone drop onto the covers and she places her hands on her warm face.  
   
She shouldn’t be crushing on someone right now. She has to deal with Danny first before she does anything. She might have just figured out what she is going to do today.  
   
Visit Danny at the hospital.  
   
Might as well get it over with instead of dreading Monday.  
   
xxxxx  
   
Laura pulls on the chord that is hovering over the window and waits for the bus to slow down before getting off it. She looks at the hospital and remembers the last time she was here. She was thinking that Danny and Kirsch hooked up.  
She stays staring at the entrance and remembers that she has no idea what Danny’s moms name is. She never paid attention when they were talking about her mom. She is such a bad girlfriend.  
   
Laura looks at the time and wonders if its a bad time to call Kirsch and ask him. She is positive that he’ll know.  
   
“Laura?”  
   
She turns around and see Danny, who appears to have been walking out of the parking lot. At least now, she doesn’t have to wake Kirsch up.  
   
“Hey Danny.”  
   
“What are you doing here?”  
   
“I came here to talk.”  
   
Danny nods and puts her hands in the pocket of her jacket. She nudges her head to side and starts to walk towards a bench. Laura follows and sits down at a respectable distance.  
   
“So, what did you want to talk about?”  
   
“Us.”  
   
Danny laughs dryly and shakes her head slowly.  
   
“I guess we do.”  
   
“I’ve been thinking about what you told me the last time I saw you. You said that I broke your heart because you misinterpreted what I meant when I spoke to you at the ice cream shop.”  
   
“Laura, I didn’t misinterpret anything. You’re not happy with me anymore, I can tell. I wanted to end things immediately after you spoke but I didn’t want to lose you which is why I left. I didn’t want to communicate afterwards which is why Kirsch was the one who told you about my mom and not me. I just wanted to avoid you because I knew that if I saw you again, it would be over.”  
   
“Danny, I’m sor-”  
   
“No, Laura, don’t apologize. Don’t be sorry for the way you feel, you should never be sorry about that.”  
   
Laura looks away from Danny and focuses on the sidewalk. There is dried up gum there and she wonders its history; how it ended up there? where it came from? what brand? Laura slowly shakes her head and looks over at Danny, who is staring at the flagpole, that is in the middle of the parking lot. She looks like she is swallowing her tears.  
   
“Danny?”  
   
Danny clears her throat before she looks back at her.  
   
“Are we over?”  
   
“Yes, Laura. We are over.”  
   
Laura nods before giving Danny a hug.  
   
“I do love you, you know?”  
   
Danny pats her back as she responds with a hoarse voice.  
   
“I know Laura. I know.”  
   
Laura squeezes her and feels water droplets on her shoulder. Danny’s body is vibrating.  
   
“I hope we can still be friends.”  
   
“Me too.”  
   
She hated watching movies or tv shows, where two characters would break up and stay ‘lets be friends’ because its obvious its not going to happen, yet she hopes Danny and her are an exception. Danny is an amazing person and she doesn’t want to lose her.  
   
“I should go see my mom.”  
   
Danny gets up and wipes any sign of tears on her face with her hand. Laura gets up also and places her hands in her pockets as she looks up at Danny.  
   
“Bye Danny.”  
   
Danny hugs her one more time before walking away.  
   
She hopes she doesn’t walk away forever.  
   
xxxxx  
   
Laura wakes up bright and early this lovely Saturday morning. Today is the day of the senior field trip. She doesn’t remember a day that she woke up with a smile this big.  
   
She quickly gets ready and grabs her luggage, so she can wait by the door. Kirsch is picking her up soon. Everyone is suppose to meet up at the school, so they can all ride together on the bus.  
   
She hears a car horn outside and basically runs out the door with her stuff. She tosses her bags in the trunk and gets in.  
   
“Whoa, little Laura. You sure are chipper this morning. Can you tone it down a little bit?”  
   
Laura looks over and sees the bags underneath his eyes. She smiles at him.  
   
xxxxx  
   
Kirsch puts the car in park after finding a spot to pull up in. They both get out and grab their things. Laura walks at the same pace with Kirsch for a few second before speeding up to where the bus is. She places her luggage next to the other students’s.  
   
The bus driver is grabbing the bags and putting them in the bottom part of the bus. Laura grabs her pillow and walks inside the bus. It’s half full and she sees J.P. sitting with Carmilla and LaFontaine is behind them. She walks over there and sits next to LaF.  
   
“Whoa, that pillow is bright.”  
   
Laura beams at LaF.  
   
“Don’t judge.”  
   
“Hey now, I was just stating a simple fact.”  
   
J.P. looks over and smiles at the pillow then at LaF.  
   
“LaF, you better not be causing trouble back there.”  
   
“I wasn’t.”  
   
Laura smirks and looks at the back of Carmilla’s head, who she now notices, is wearing headphones. She was hoping to talk to her.  
   
“Laura, how did you even acquire a pillowcase that bright?”  
   
“Well, LaF, I bought it this way plus my laundry detergent makes it even more yellow.”  
   
“So, you bought it like that on purpose?”  
   
“LaF, you better behave. Don’t make me come back there.”  
   
Laura giggles and hugs her pillow.  
   
“I don’t care what you say, yellow is awesome.”  
   
“Is that your favorite color?”  
   
“Yeah, it reminds me of happy things.”  
   
LaF pokes the pillow and looks up at Laura, with a big grin. Laura shakes her head and looks up, she see Danny and Kirsch sitting down together, though it doesn’t last very long since Danny bolts up and sits in the seat in front of him. She smiles at them and is happy that Danny finally seems to smiling again. Kirsch is good for her.  
   
Laura looks over at LaF and J.P. who seems to arguing about some comic book. She chuckles and looks over at Carmilla and debates on waving a hand in front of her face or poking her to get her attention.  
   
She feels the bus’s engine roar to life and decides to talk to Carmilla later. There isn’t a rush since they have a few days together.  
   
Laura pulls out some earbuds and plugs it into her iPod and plays the Spinnerette album.  
   
_“Hey now, there now,_  
 _It's a game to be played out amongst_  
 _Thieves of the heart and the whores of the ego_  
  
 _Hey now, there now_  
 _Kiss everyone's ailments_  
 _See them rise up, exalt and illuminate_  
  
 _Humanity is a deer in the headlights_  
 _The road is covered in blood_  
 _Free yourself with a dagger from above_  
 _A crossbow of faith_  
  
 _You sold your heart_  
 _For the primal experience_  
 _Gave up on love for a_  
 _Medal malevolence”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First thing I wanna say is that I am so sorry for taking so long to update like there were days where I would be typing it up and others were I am watching something on Netflix or reading fanfiction. I procrastinate a lot. I'm not gonna lie the next update will probably take a while since I'm trying to get in college, so I'm gonna be busy with trying to get a loan and stuff but I am not done with this story, not even close. I really hope you guys think this chapter was worth the wait and I'm gonna try to get the next one out soon. The lyrics are from the songs "Baptized By Fire" and "Ghetto Love" by Spinnerette. http://clarkclexa.tumblr.com/


	9. Dig Me Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has Carmilla and Laura's POV.

The heat from the sun hits her face as she steps off the bus. Carmilla looks over to the trunk, where they are taking the bags out. She looks behind her and sees JP talking to Laura while LaF is giggling at their phone.  
   
Carmilla hasn't said anything to JP or LaF about the time when Laura heard her sing. She hasn't told anyone. She feels weird about it, and yes, Laura did say she sings well, but part of her doesn’t really believe her. Laura is such a good person (from what she hears from JP and LaF) that she probably wouldn't ever criticize anyone.  
   
She looks away and walks over to her bags. She picks up her guitar case first, then her bag with all her clothes. She looks back over to where JP and Laura are.  
   
She still cannot believe Laura sat behind her on the bus. She tried so hard to remain calm, cool and collected. Sometimes she could smell her and she feels like a creep for taking such pleasure in it, but Laura smells so good. She can't pinpoint what kind of smell it is, but all she knows is that it's definitely Laura's scent, and it's truly wonderful.  
   
"Listen up, everyone!"  
   
Carmilla looks over to where the teacher and the camp counselor are standing, a few feet away from the bus.  
   
"I would like everyone to be get into a single file line please, and then we will tell you which cabin  you’ll be staying at for the rest of the weekend!"  
   
Everyone immediately begins to stand the line. It's not really a straight line like what they wanted, but it's close enough and the camp counselor seems satisfied. Carmilla stands behind LaF, who is still giggling down at their phone.  
   
"Alright, who is it?"  
   
LaF looks up and puts their phone in their pocket quickly.  
   
"Who is what?"  
   
"LaFontaine."  
   
"Carmilla."  
   
"Who is making you all giggly?"  
   
LaF's face turns red as they try to suppress a smile.  
   
"I have no idea what you mean."  
   
"Liar."  
   
"You caught me. I was texting Perry."  
   
"Is she here?"  
   
LaF smiles as they nod and then they begin giggling again.  
   
"So you've asked her out?"  
   
"No, I've been waiting for you to talk to her first."  
   
"Oh, fuck."  
   
"You forgot, didn't you?"  
   
"I'm so sorry, LaF!"  
   
"Hey, it's no big deal."  
   
"I'll talk to her after we get our room assignments."  
   
"Thank you, Carm."  
   
Carmilla nods as LaF grabs their phone again and begins typing out a text.  
   
She pulls out her phone as well and sees that she has a message from JP.  
   
**From JP**  
_Tonight's the night, Carm!_  
_Make your move!_  
   
Carmilla looks up and searches for JP but can't seem to find him nor can she locate Laura.  
   
"Next!"  
   
She shoves her phone back in her pocket as she steps in front of the lady with the clipboard.  
   
"Name?"  
   
"Carmilla Karnstein."  
   
"Cabin B, and just pick your own bed. There will be a sticker there where you can write your name down on it."  
   
Carmilla nods and walks towards the cabin she was assigned to. She wonders what cabin her friends and Laura got.  
   
xxxxxx  
   
Carmilla drops her stuff on the bottom bunk next to the entrance. The cabin is empty, but they all seem to have been taken, so she decides to investigate. She sees Perry’s name on one of the beds and then notices Elsie’s on another. The other beds are taken by people she’s never met.  
   
She walks back to the bed she put her stuff on and finds the white sticker. She grabs a sharpie from her bag, writes down her name, and places the sticker on the headboard.  
   
She pulls out her phone and texts JP.  
   
**Sent to JP**  
_Where are you?_  
_When are you meeting Will?_  
   
Carmilla sits on the bed and waits for him to respond. She would go out and look for them but doesn't want to waste time doing that when she could just get the location now.  
   
**From JP**  
_I'm at Cabin F with LaF._  
_I'm meeting Will after the bonfire tonight._  
   
Carmilla puts her phone away then takes one last look at the cabin before going to where her friends are.  
   
xxxxxx  
   
Carmilla smiles when she sees JP and LaF playing with their game boys on the front porch of their cabin. She decides she wants approach them quietly so she can make at least one of them pee themselves.  
   
She walks around the cabin to get on the porch without them noticing. She slowly walks over from behind them, raises her hands, and gently lowers both them on each of their shoulders.  
   
"Hey!"  
   
JP’s gameboy flies into the air while LaF just topples over.  
   
Carmilla falls on her butt, laughing hysterically.  
   
"Carm! Why would you do that?"  
   
JP sighs as he grabs his gameboy and inspects it to make sure there wasn't any damage.  
   
"That wasn't rude at all, Carm."  
   
LaF stands up and dusts themselves off.  
   
"I would apologize, but then I would be lying."    
   
"And we all know you're not a liar."  
   
Carmilla looks over at JP.  
   
"What's that suppose to mean?"  
   
JP smiles at her before sitting back down.  
   
"I hear you have a beautiful voice, and that you sing Baptized By Fire wonderfully."  
   
Carmilla feels her eyes almost shoot out of their sockets, but she blinks multiple times to avoid that happening. She pushes her hair back behind her shoulders.  
   
"...Thank you, JP."  
   
"Carm, why didn't you say anything when we hung out earlier?"  
   
LaF is staring at both of them, looking completely lost.  
   
"Inform me right now. What happened?"  
   
JP smirks at Carmilla before looking over at LaF.  
   
"Last Friday, during class. Carmilla here, was in the bathroom. Singing, I may add, when Laura overhears her, walks right into the bathroom and so of course, our darling, Carmilla just stays quiet while Laura compliments her."  
   
"Carmilla! Why didn't you say anything?!"  
   
"I... I."  
   
Carmilla takes a deep breath before glaring at JP.  
   
"I hate you."  
   
"I love you too, Carm. Now answer the question."  
   
"I don't know."  
   
Carmilla sighs and cracks her knuckles. She looks at JP and LaF, who are still waiting for her response. She doesn't even know how to answer this question without sounding melodramatic. 'I didn't say anything because I thought she was lying about my singing skills'. Carmilla looks at the ground. She really doesn't want to answer this question.  
   
"Carm, you can tell us." JP continues.  
   
"JP, maybe she doesn't want to talk about it." Laf says as they look at Carmilla, who looks really uncomfortable.  
   
"Yeah that's true. I'm sorry, Carm."  
   
Carmilla looks up at JP and sees that his apology seems sincere. She nods and looks at LaF, who is smiling at her. She couldn't have asked for better friends. Though there are times she wouldn't mind trading JP in.  
   
"There you are!"  
   
They all look up to see a curly red head, wearing mom jeans, walking towards them. That must be Perry. Carmilla looks over at LaF, whose face suddenly turned bright red.  
   
"Hello, Perry!"  
   
JP jumps up and gives her a hug. Carmilla never knew that they were acquainted. She looks over at LaF, who still seems to be in the same state she last saw them in.  
   
"Hello, Jose Pedro!"  
   
JP? Jose Pedro? Carmilla feels her eyes want to jump out again. She never knew what his initials meant. She doesn't even think LaF knows. Do they know? She looks over and does not see any confusion on their face. They knew?  
   
“Whoa! Perry, I’ve told you that just because you know what it stands for, it does not mean you should say it.”  
   
“Oh, I’m terribly sorry. It is just a habit of mine to use people’s proper, full names.”  
   
“I understand, Perry. Just please, try to not do it again.”  
   
JP knows Perry and Perry knows him. She has never felt so confused in her life. Then again, it wouldn’t be the first time JP was friends with someone without her knowing. But Perry and LaF know what his initials mean. Did they have to ask him? She never asked because she remembered that he would alway get this nervous look on his face whenever it was time for attendance during elementary school. The teachers always called him by his initials, but he would always get that look before they called on him. She never, ever asked him about his reaction. She also never asked why he never went by his complete name. She has no idea what his dad calls him. Carmilla never once heard that man call JP by his name, or otherwise; all his dad does is bark out orders.  
   
"You okay there, Carm? You're looking a little green."  
   
She shakes her head a little to shake the memories away.  
   
"I'm good."  
   
Carmilla stands up and pats herself down from the back encase there is any dirt on her butt.  
   
"I think I'm gonna go look around for a bit."  
   
She starts walking away before anyone was able to respond. She ignores glances from other campers as she keeps her eyes ahead and finally stops walking once the tall trees are spaced about 4 feet apart.  
   
It's not her woods but hopefully it'll have the same effect. She sits down next to a tree and relaxes. She takes a few deep breaths. She is fine.  
   
It's not long until she is no longer alone. LaF walks in and sits next to her.  
   
"I followed you. Should've known you would've gone here."  
   
Carmilla leans her head against the back of the tree and closes her eyes.  
   
"I know why you had that little freak out."  
   
She keeps her eyes close and doesn't say anything or do anything to show that she is paying attention.  
   
"Perry and I found out his name just recently. We were on the computer when I was doing some minor adjustments to the school website when I clicked on the class roster and I was curious about our grades so I just looked through and well, we both know JP are his initials so it wasn't hard to figure out which one was his."  
   
Carmilla opens her eyes and looks over at LaF, not saying anything.  
   
"Once I found out, I immediately told JP and he wasn't mad but he did say to make sure we never ever call him anything other than JP."  
   
Carmilla uses Laf's shoulder as a head rest.  
   
"I never asked him about it but I was curious."  
   
LaF puts an arm around her and pulls her closer.  
   
"Oh and by the way, I know you're bunk mates with Perry, so remember to talk to her."  
   
Carmilla laughs and gives LaF a side hug. She hopes she never loses in touch with LaF after graduation.  

xxxxxx

Carmilla grabs her guitar from the case. She glances around the empty cabin. Everyone is at the bonfire, where she was a couple minutes ago. JP had suggested she bring her guitar instead of sitting with them, looking uncomfortable and anxious, which she was. Her thoughts were unfocused after seeing Laura across the camp-site, and giving her an almost-wave that awkwardly transitioned into a half-assed hair-fix. She agreed with JP that having the guitar in her hands would calm her nerves, and at the same time, JP said that it could impress Laura; that was enough for her to go retrieve it.  
   
She feels her phone vibrate and considers ignoring it but decides against it.  
   
**From JP**  
_You on your way?_  
   
She sighs as she stuffs the phone back in her pocket. She grabs the strap from the guitar and slides it onto her shoulders. She shortens the strap, so the guitar won’t be hitting the back of her legs.  
   
She cracks her knuckles before walking out of the cabin. She looks up at the sky and sees that sun is setting; it’s going to be night soon.  
   
Carmilla adjusts the guitar strap again since she felt that it was sliding down. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t nervous. She has never played in front of a crowd before, but she knew that once she started playing, she will gain back her confidence.  
   
Plus, she has this whole weekend to finally make her move on Laura and she is not going to fuck it up.  
   
Carmilla smiles when she sees her friends sitting around the campfire, among the other students. She takes a deep breath and thinks that this could be her moment. She has been learning how to play guitar for awhile now, yet no one has officially heard her play. She feels that she play it pretty well, but she can not really trust her own judgement.  
   
She grabs the strap and takes it off and cradles her guitar as she sits down between JP and LaFontaine. She rubs the finger plate before settling the guitar on her lap. Her fingers touch the tuning pegs, then she slides them down to the neck and places them on the fingerboard, and with her other hand, she strums the guitar softly. She has tuned the guitar multiple times before even packing her bags for the trip. She knows that it really does not need another tuning.  
   
“Yo! Are you gonna play something?”  
   
Carmilla looks up and sees Kirsch standing across the fire pit and then suddenly all eyes are on her. She has no idea if Laura is apart of the audience but she hopes she is because the only thing that will calm down her heart right now is playing. So she does.  
   
She places her finger on G, before taking a deep breath. She strums the chords that she’s recently memorized. They weren’t hard to learn but it wasn’t easy, and definitely worth it. Plus, she knows people are actually going to recognize the song.  
   
She looks on the ground and clears her throat before singing along to the melody.  
   
_“When I was younger I saw my daddy cry_  
_And curse at the wind_  
_He broke his own heart and I watched_  
_As he tried to reassemble it._  
  
_And my momma swore_  
_That she would never let herself forget._  
_And that was the day that I promised_  
_I'd never sing of love if it does not exist._  
  
_But darling,_  
_You are the only exception._  
_You are the only exception._  
_You are the only exception._  
_You are the only exception.”_  
   
Carmilla looks away from the ground and focuses on the fire in front of her as she continues.  
   
_“Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul_  
_That love never lasts._  
_And we've got to find other ways to make it alone._  
_Or keep a straight face_  
  
_And I've always lived like this_  
_Keeping a comfortable distance._  
_And up until now I have sworn to myself_  
_That I'm content with loneliness._  
  
_Because none of it was ever worth the risk._  
  
_Well you are the only exception._  
_You are the only exception._  
_You are the only exception._  
_You are the only exception.”_  
   
She feels her eyes close as she continues. Her heart has calmed down; she feel this sense of relaxation seeping through her.  
   
_“I've got a tight grip on reality,_  
_But I can't let go of what's in front of me here._  
_I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up._  
_Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream._  
_Oh-oh-oh-ohhh.”_  
   
Carmilla opens her eyes slowly as she belts out the final part of the song.  
  
_“And I'm on my way to believing._  
_Oh, and I'm on my way to believing.”_  
   
After she played the last chord, she looks up and sees Laura behind the fire. She focuses on her eyes, usually they are a light brown but right now they look dark, almost black. Carmilla feels a tingling sensation floating inside her chest.  
   
Her face heats up as she notices Laura stand up and starts walking towards her. She never finds out if Laura makes it over to where they’re all sitting, because suddenly, Elsie is right in front of Carmilla.  
   
"I didn't know you could play. It's really hot."  
   
“Oh. Thank you.”  
   
Elsie sits down in front of her, on her knees. Carmilla cannot see past her and hopes that if Laura was still walking over, that she does it quickly.  
   
“It’s my pleasure, Carmilla. So, what are your plans for this weekend?”  
   
“Hang out with my friends, I guess.”  
   
Carmilla feels a delicate hand start stroking her fingers. She looks down and sees that it is Elsie’s hand. She looks back up and feels her cheeks get really warm.  
   
“So, you don’t have any plans. I don’t have any either. I like to wing it too.”  
   
Elsie’s fingers are now slowly massaging Carmilla’s palm. The tingling sensation from earlier returns. Suddenly, she feels nervous and maybe overheating. She didn’t realize how close Elsie is until she can smell Elsie’s perfume.  
   
Carmilla closes her eyes then opens them and slowly raises her face to get a good view of behind Elsie’s head. She wants to see if Laura is coming or if that might have been a figment of her imagination. She does find Laura, but she isn’t alone anymore. She is talking to Danny. Carmilla heard that they’ve broken up but it could’ve been just rumors. They have been dating for a long time. Why would they ever even break up? She really needs to forget about her.  
   
She sinks back down in front of Elsie and gives her a smile that she has been told can be intimidating but she hopes it comes off as seductive. Carmilla grabs the guitar off her lap and places it on the ground where LaF was originally sitting. She now notices that JP and LaF are no longer next to her. She honestly has no idea where they could be. She would call them, but Elsie is still in front of her and well, she has never been kissed.  
   
She mentally shakes her head, and feels like she should be somewhere right now. But she cannot remember where.  
   
Carmilla smells more of Elsie’s perfume as she gets even more closer, now that the guitar is not in her way. Elsie starts leaning towards her, with her eyes burning holes in Carmilla's skin, that suddenly feels the need to be touched. She kisses her and almost immediately Elsie sticks her tongue in her mouth, even though Carmilla’s mouth didn’t protest.  
   
Certainly, it was not how she wanted her first kiss to be; when she usually imagines it happening, it was with someone else.

 

* * *

 

Laura feels like she has been running for what feels like miles, but she knows she did not get so far. She is inside the woods. She feels her heart pounding and a white flash screaming in her head. She has never ever felt this way before but this feeling is not a mystery. She has read about it and seen it in movies also heard about it in music.  
   
This is what jealousy feels like and she does not like this at all. She was suppose to be the one who- no. She is not going to dwell on this. No, she has to pull herself together right now, because she needs to be there for JP. He is finally going to meet Will. Which is kind of odd since she knows JP is a hacker and he easily could have looked him up, especially in a yearbook.  
   
She closes her eyes and starts a breathing exercise that she read about awhile ago. She pulls out her phone and opens her eyes to find JP’s contact info so she can call him.  
   
“Hey, JP!”  
   
_“Hey, Laura! Whats up? Did you make your mo-”_  
   
“Where are you? Are you at the meet up point yet?”  
   
_“... Not yet. Laura, what’s wro-”_  
   
“Where are you?”  
   
_“At LaF’s cabin. Laur-”_  
   
She ends the call and takes another deep breath before walking over to LaFontaine’s cabin.  
   
****  
   
Laura pushes the cabin door open and sees LaF on the floor, laughing while JP seems to be recounting some obscene story. She smiles at this scene before sitting down in front of them.  
   
“Laura!”  
   
“Hey, Laf!”  
   
“How are you doing? Everything good?”  
   
She sighs before rubbing her eyes, hoping that she could avoid this conversation. She doesn’t want to recount what happened. She puts her hands on her lap before looking at the ground. Maybe if she avoids eye contact, it won’t sting as much.  
   
“Elsie beat me to it.”  
   
“Elsie?”  
   
“Go look, they are probably still going at it by the campfire.”  
   
While her eyes still focused on the floor, she hears the two of them run to the cabin door, they gasp and whisper something to each other, and then one of them walk away while the other one sits in front of her.  
   
“Hey. Laura?”  
   
She looks up and sees JP, giving her a small smile.  
   
“Laura? I want to tell you to forget about her but I kind of been wanting you two together for a long time.”  
   
“A long time? What do you mea-”  
   
“Fuck! I was not suppose to say that.”  
   
“JP, what do you mean ‘a long time’?”  
   
“I’m literally the definition of the Worst Best Friend Ever.”  
   
“What?”  
   
“Fine!”  
   
JP clears his throat and mutters something but she can’t quite understand him.  
   
“What?”  
   
“I should get ready. I do NOT want Will to see me like this”  
   
JP points to his muddy pants and leaves without any further explanation. Laura is left confused, but distracted from her earlier thoughts. She runs her forehead to avoid a future headache. She hates thinking too much and a part of her is glad that she came prepared with aspirin.  
   
Laura consciously decides to change her train of thought to Danny, who she ran into when she was planning to compliment Car- no, she is not going to think about her. It was nice to talk to Danny; they seem to be in a better place and are now friends. Not best friends, but they will get there. Plus, Danny did mention that she has been crushing on someone. Laura secretly hopes that its Kirsch, since she sees their potential and she knows he likes her.  
   
All of a sudden her mind is being attacked by the song that is now stuck in her head. She sighs once she realizes that she will probably never stop thinking about Carmilla. She looks up at the ceiling as her eyes seem to defocus themselves as she re-lives that moment by the campfire. The moment Carmilla started singing, Laura felt her skin growing goosebumps as she immediately remembered that she heard that voice in the bathroom and how she couldn’t get it out of her mind. And knowing who it was, made that experience even better.  
   
Once Carmilla finished singing and they had that eye contact across the fire, Laura felt this magnetic pull towards her that was short lived since Danny got her out of it.  
   
The second Danny left, she was bombarded with the visual of Carmilla kissing- NO. She has to stop thinking about this. She gets up and dusts off her butt. She looks down at her jeans to see if she will have to change or not.  
   
She deems her outfit clean enough and grabs her phone. She grabs her phone, to check through her messages, to find out where the meeting spot is.  
   
**From JP**  
_Woods near the lake. Don’t forget!_  
   
Laura shoves her phone in her pocket and walks out. She attempts to avoid thinking about the song,  but fails as it is still stuck in her head.

 

* * *

 

Carmilla walks out her cabin and looks around as she fixes her hair. Supervisors here really suck at their job if she and Elise were able to do what they did without being disturbed.  
   
She grabs her phone and checks the time. She isn’t late but she would be if she does not hurry up.  
   
She starts running as she thinks about what just happened. She had her first kiss and even lost her virginity on the same day. It was fun, she can’t deny that, but she kind of feels like shit. She wishes didn’t care, but she can’t help it. She really is a romantic at heart. She doesn’t even like Elsie, they were barely acquaintances. She has a feeling that Elsie is not one for random hookups and that Elsie is most likely going to be in Carmilla’s bed more than once or twice. Although it isn’t ideal, she wasn’t going to stop it.  
   
She finds the meetup spot, leans against a tree, and looks to where JP, Laf, Perry and Laura are chatting. They are standing by a clearing in the forest. It hits her that her first time will never be with the one she has been dreaming about it being with. She clears her throat so she can get rid of those thoughts. She has no idea why she ever thought she had a chance with Laura anyway.  
   
Right now, she needs to be here for JP. She needs to forget about Laura, so she is probably going to see Elsie again after this. She walks over and smiles at Laf, whose face lights upon seeing her.  
   
She smiles at JP, who looks really nervous, Perry, who probably didn’t even notice since she seem too preoccupied staring at Laf. Carmilla looks over at Laura, who seems displeased to seeing her.  
   
Yep, Carmilla never stood a chance.  
   
JP walks over to her.  
   
“Hey Carm.”  
   
“JP, from a scale of 1 to 10, how nervous are you?”  
   
“Carm, is it true you hooked up with Elsie?”  
   
Carmilla chuckles then looks over at Laura, who is still staring at her from across the clearing.  
   
“Yeah, it is.”  
   
“What happened to you wanting Laura?”  
   
Carmilla looks over at JP and smiles.  
   
“I never stood a chance, JP.”  
   
“What do you mean?”  
   
“Exactly what I said.”  
   
JP rubs his forehead and curses silently.  
   
“Nervous?”  
   
He looks at her before looking ahead.  
   
“Yes, I am.”  
   
“What time is he suppose to be here?”  
   
JP pulls out his cellphone.  
   
“He should be here any minute now.”  
   
“He’ll show up.”  
   
“I hope so.”  
   
Carmilla pats JP on the back.  
   
They hear footsteps approaching and Kirsch talking about pancakes. Everyone is looking to where the sound is coming from and suddenly, Kirsch and the rude boy from the cafeteria appear.  
   
“JP, I want you to meet my buddy, Will!”  
   
Kirsch is practically jumping with excitement.  
   
“And, Will meet JP!”  
   
Carmilla looks over at JP, who seems to be frozen in place. She looks over at Will, who when she first saw him, seemed arrogant and pretentious, but now he looks like a nervous pre-teen before the school dance. It was actually kind of cute.  
   
She decides to push JP and she follow him until JP is finally close enough. She smiles at Kirsch, who honestly looks so happy. He grabs Carmilla’s hand and drags her away, to what she assumes to give JP and Will a moment.  
   
Once they are out of earshot of everyone else, Kirsch releases her and looks down at her.  
   
“Carm, is it true you slept with Elsie?”  
   
“What?”  
“Carm, did you?”  
   
She tries to glare at him but does not succeed.  
   
“Yes, its true. How do you know, anyway?”  
   
“Elsie was bragging about it which is why we were kind of late.”  
   
“Oh... I see.”  
   
Kirsch snorts but then quickly deflates the giddy laughter in his system.  
   
“Carmilla, what happened with Laura?”  
   
“First JP and now you. Great.”  
   
“Carm.”  
   
Kirsch shrinks himself so they can try to be at eye level.  
   
“I never stood a chance and I am done with deluding myself that I ever did.”  
   
Carmilla walks off and stands next to LaF and Perry. She is definitely finding Elsie after this. She has no idea if it's to yell at her about telling everyone or just taking her back into the cabin.

 

* * *

 

Laura eyes JP and Will as they stare at each other. They both look so nervous and she has no idea who made the first move to talking since she got distracted with Kirsch and Carmilla. Whatever they spoke about, definitely made Carmilla angry. Kirsch looks like he is suffering a headache.  
   
She looks over at Carmilla, who seems to be more lost in thought then focusing on JP. Laura focuses on her jawline which causes her to feel a little agitated with the sudden warmth in her gut. She stares at her mouth and the shape that her lips form between words. Laura’s palms start to feel a little damp, so she rubs them down her thighs, but that causes her to feel like she has to use the bathroom. The last thing she want to do is leave, so she crosses her legs to hold it in.  
   
She almost jumps when Kirsch puts a hand on her shoulder. She did not hear or see him approach; she’s not even sure how he made it next to her without her noticing.  
   
"Gonna make your move?"  
   
"What? No!."  
   
"Why not? You have been pining for her for like ever now."  
   
"I have not been pining plus I think she is with someone now."  
   
"Sure, you haven't."  
   
“Even if I have, she would never be into me.”  
   
Laura looks up at Kirsch, finding him contemplating what he wants to say, but he just has his mouth half open with hesitation.  
   
“What?”  
   
Kirsch scrunches his eyebrows before clearing his face with a smile and putting an arm around Laura and pulling her close.  
   
“Nothing.”  
 

* * *

 

  
   
Carmilla places the guitar back in its case, locks it in place then slides it underneath her bed. She feels hands on her waist and warm body behind. Her heart jumps and in her mind, she pretends it's Laura behind her, but her imagination gets shattered when she hears her speak.  
   
“You up for round two?”  
   
Carmilla turns around and places her hands on Elsie’s shoulders and debates on whether she should shove her away or pull her in for a kiss. Before she can make up her mind, she feels lips on hers so she decides that maybe one more time won't be so bad. She hears a small growl come from deep in Elsie’s throat and then bites the tip of Carmilla’s bottom lip.  
   
She breaks away from the kiss and looks at Elsie, whose eyes are dark.  
   
“Please never do that again. It’s embarrassing.”  
   
She grabs Elsie and gets on the bed. She climbs on top of Elsie and leans down to kiss her. Carmilla’s thoughts were drowned, when her eyes were closed she could almost pretend she was naked in bed with Laura.  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the long wait for this chapter. I have been busy plus my muse has been dry. I recently got it back which I am happy about since I am not done with this story yet. I hope you guys enjoy this update and I was gonna post it sooner but oitnb. Lyrics are from the song "Only Exception" by Paramore. Also if you have any question about this fic send them to my tumblr. http://clarkclexa.tumblr.com/


	10. The One Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has Laura and Carmilla's POV

The sun peeks through the window, sending a ray against the mirror making its glare hit against a leg. Laura scratches her other leg as she lays on her bed, reading a book. She hears her phone beep a few times but she does not move and her attention is still on the book. She turns the page then scratches her nose and sighs when her phone begins ringing. She looks over to it and she can see that its JP calling her. She also knows it's him who has been texting her non-stop. She puts the book down then grabs her phone and answers it.

“What is it, JP?”

_“Why have you been avoiding me?”_

“I haven’t been.”

_“You haven’t spoken to me since the camping trip.”_

“I just needed space.”

_“Is this about Carmilla?”_

“I don’t want to talk about her.”

_“So, it is about Carmilla._

“JP.”

_“Well, they broke up. If that kind of information means anything to you.”_

Laura quickly gets up from her bed which makes the book fall on the floor. She suddenly feels energetic and begins pacing around her room.

“They broke up?”

_“Well, to be fair, they never were dating. Carmilla has made that specifically clear multiple times but yes, they are over.”_

“What happened?”

_“Carmilla had enough.”_

“Could you be more specific?”

_“Well, Carmilla got tired of um… unemotional physical encounters.”_

Laura cringes at the idea of Carmilla having sex with Elsie. It’s not that she thinks Elsie is disgusting or anything, but the jealousy in her, finds her revolting. She hates thinking this way about her since she doesn’t even know her; Elsie could be a very good person, but Laura will never know since she will never want to associate with her.

“Oh.”

_“You’re still into her.”_

“JP.”

_“Laura, I know you still like her.”_

“Okay. Fine. I still like her but-”

_“But nothing. I have hatched up a good plan with Kirsch and Laf. You’re gonna love this.”_

“No J-”

_“Just hear me out. Please.”_

Laura stops pacing and kicks a rug that was in her way. She sighs as she makes her way to her computer chair and sits down.

“Fine.”

_“Alright, well, we were all thinking about throwing a graduation party that will only be a few friends. We don’t want a big party. Anyways, there we can make sure you two idiots FINALLY talk.”_

“I’m not a idiot.”

_“Yeah, sure.”_

“Whatever. So, a graduation party?”

_“Yeah, we were thinking about having it at Kirsh’s place since his mom won’t be home.”_

“Okay but the party isn’t just going to be about my love life, right?”

_“Even though it did spark the idea of a party, no. It won’t just be about that. Plus without our help, you wouldn’t even approach her.”_

“I’m fully capable of speaking to her without your help.”

_“Yeah, which is why you already have her number.”_

“I don’t appreciate your sarcasm.”

_“Ha! Then you’re not gonna like Carm.”_

“What?”

_“Nothing, don’t worry about it. Just focus on making it to the party. It is going to start right after graduation.”_

“Okay.”

_“I have to go. I have another call coming through, and its Will.”_

“Okay, we need to talk about Will soon!”

_“You could’ve been in the loop already but you decided to ignore me.”_

“Bye JP.”

Laura tosses her phone on her bed and leans against her chair. She stares at the ceiling before booting up her computer. She goes on the web to check her social media account and sees that there are a few new messages and friend requests. She clicks on the red number on the friend requests and suddenly feels hopeful to see a familiar name in the list. Unfortunately, her name was not in the list; it was mostly classmates that she spoke to once or twice. Laura clicks on the messages and sees multiple messages from other classmates that she speaks to on occasion.

She moves the cursor to her friends list, and clicks on JP; he uploaded a new picture of himself with Will. They do look cute together. Something catches her eye as she notices the friend box on his page and sees her name. She clicks on it faster then she would ever admit. The page slowly loads and Laura immediately stares at her profile picture([x](http://36.media.tumblr.com/da2e4888aa21941af5e8c805c0a5fab6/tumblr_noijvmeoF41st5c4ro1_500.jpg)) and wishes she had the guts to click “add friend”. She clicks back to JP’s page and goes through some of his posts, only to find herself back at Carmilla’s page a moment later. She can’t stop looking at the dreadful “add friend” button and lets her cursor hover over it. Her phone starts ringing which startles her to her core. She gets up to grab her phone and sees that it's Kirsch.

“Hello.”

_“Laura, has JP spoken to you?”_

“Yes, he told me about the party.”

Laura walks over to her computer and looks at the profile picture again. She instantly feels an aggressive tug at her heart when she notices something different on the screen; where it said “add friend” it now says “request sent”.

_“Okay good. I just wanted to make su-”_

“Holy shit!”

_“Whoa there. What happened?”_

“Do you by any chance know how to un-send a friend request?”

_“You can’t un-send one, why?”_

“No reason.”

_“...Laura?”_

“I accidentally sent a friend request to Carmilla.”

On the other line she hears silence then a sudden uproar of laughter.

“Kirsch, I am going to hang up on you!”

_“No wait! Laura, JP made her that account. She never gets on it.”_

“What?”

_“Carmilla won’t see it. She does not get on it at all.”_

“I don’t know how that is suppose to make me feel better.”

_“You won’t have to worry about her seeing it?”_

“I hope you’re right.”

 

* * *

 

 

There is a loud, vibrating sound that is wrapped around in hair and it is blocking her nose. Carmilla puts her hand on the source and realizes that it is Elsie’s damn cat. She pets it on its little, fluffy head as she gets up from bed. She looks over and sees that Elsie has passed out. Carmilla has no idea how she ended back here. She grabs her clothes and quickly changes.

She is outside as soon her shoes are on. She pulls her phone out of her pocket and sees that she has multiple missed calls from Laf, JP and Kirsch. Those three have been getting too close lately, with their suspicious whispers and stares. She knows that they don’t like the fact that she is sleeping with Elsie, but they all need to mind their own business. This is her moving on and they need to accept that. Her and Laura were never going to work out anyway.

As soon as she arrives at her destination, Carmilla feels her phone buzzing and sighs when she sees that it is JP.

“What is it?”

_“Finally you fucking answer!”_

“Yeah, I was busy sleeping. Sorry that was a bother for you.”

_“Shut up and listen. We are throwing a graduation party at Kirsch’s place an-”_

“I’m not going.”

_“Carm.”_

“What?”

_“Laura is going to be there.”_

“Oh wow that makes me want to go even more.”

_“Please come. It’ll be the last party we get hang out at before we leave for college. Plus it’s going to be your birthday.”_

“I’ll think about it.”

_“Please do.”_

“JP, I’m outside. Open the front door. I forgot my keys again.”

_“Where were you last night?”_

Carmilla sighs but does not respond since she is getting tired of the third degree he gives her whenever Elsie comes up. She is never going to understand why he and everyone else are so pissed at her for finally moving on.

“JP, we are not doing this now.”

_“Were you at Elsie’s again? I thought you guys were over.”_

“We never even began!”

_“Okay, let me rephrase that: I thought you said you were done having sex with her.”_

“I am! Last night was the last time.”

_“It better be.”_

“Why does it even matter anyway?”

_“Well, you were head over heels for Laur-”_

“Enough with that head-over-heels bullshit!”

_“Carm, you have a massive crush on her. What happened to wanting to be with her?”_

“Things change.”

_“Seriously, what happened?”_

“Are you going to open the door or what?”

_“I’m not home.”_

“You didn’t bother mentioning this earlier?”

Before he can respond, she hangs up on him and peers through the living room window to see if JP’s dad is unconscious or not. He doesn’t appear to be on the couch, which means he probably just started his new job today. She walks to the side window and looks around to make sure no one is around before she slides the window open. She closes it behind her once she is inside.

Carmilla puts a wooden stick on the window to make sure no one can open it. She doesn’t want to risk any robbers coming in. It would just ruin her day.

She goes upstairs and walks into the room she’s sharing with JP. She takes the phone off silent before plugging it to charge then grabs a change of clothes from her backpack, kicks off her shoes and then heads straight to the shower.

She is drying her hair off when her cell phone starts to ring. She doesn’t even bother to check who it is, she designed a ringtone special for Elsie. Carmilla grabs her phone and press the volume button down so the ringtone stops and then puts it back to silent mode. She lays down on the bed and closes her eyes. She isn’t sleepy but she feels like if the room was dark enough, she could sleep for ages.  
Carmilla gets up from the bed and decides to use to JP’s computer. She doesn’t feel like hanging out with anyone today since the people she could hang out with only want to talk about Laura and that is the last thing she wants. She sits in front of JP’s computer, logs in the guest account and goes on the web. She has no idea what to do since she doesn’t really surf the internet other than when she looks up music lyrics and chords. So she decides to the next best thing and pulls up YouTube and types in ‘Jumpers Sleater-Kinney’. She hasn’t heard it in awhile and sits back in the chair to imagine herself at one of their concerts dancing to this song.

 _“I spend the afternoon in cars_  
_I sit in traffic jams for hours_  
_Don’t push me_  
_I am not ok_

 _The sky is blue most everyday_  
_The lemons grow like tumors_  
_They are tiny suns_  
_Infused with sour_

 _Lonely as a cloud_  
_In the Golden State_  
_The coldest winter that I ever saw_  
_Was the summer that I-”_

Carmilla groans loudly when she realizes that the web browser crashed. Maybe she shouldn’t listen to music today. She again clicks on the cheesy blue browser’s icon and decides to check her email since she hasn’t checked it such a long time. Once she has inputted her email info, she sees that she has 1000+ new messages. She cringes at the prospect at opening them all. She sees that there is a select all option that she can use to delete all of it. She has never checked her email before so what importance could these messages be, so she selects the select all option and moves the cursor to the delete icon. She clicks it as she glances at the messages and sees Laura’s name as it disappears from her inbox.

She panics and almost calls JP because she felt that he may know how to time travel back in time to stop herself from deleting the messages that included the one with Laura’s name on the subject title but thankfully, she remembers that whenever messages are deleted, they are sent to a trash bin. Carmilla clicks on the waste basket icon and almost squeals when she sees the message there. She looks behind her to make sure she is indeed alone then she clicks on it and it says that Laura Hollis sent her a friend request on some social media account that she doesn’t remember having. She clicks on a link that sends her to her account and almost growls at her display image. JP took this photo when they were hanging out at city hall with Laf. She hates this picture and wants to change it immediately but realizes she can’t do anything until she logs in. She has the email part down but has no idea what the password could be. She knows JP made this account for her, so the password should be easy to guess.  
After attempting to guess the password multiple times, Carmilla decides to type in Laura’s name because JP is an ass like that. After she hits enter, the screen changes to the home page. She is going to have a word with JP later. The first thing she decides to do is change the profile image so she goes to get her phone so she can email the image([x](http://36.media.tumblr.com/da2e4888aa21941af5e8c805c0a5fab6/tumblr_noijvmeoF41st5c4ro1_500.jpg)) to herself. Once that is changed, she goes through the notifications and sees that she has multiple friend requests. She accepts the one from people she knows and others she declines; she definitely denies Elsie’s request. Now the only one left is Laura. She has no idea whether she should accept or decline. They do have mutual friends which is probably why she sent it and maybe wants to be friends since she did send a friend request or it couldve been on accident so she might look like an idiot for accepting it but then that means that Laura was on her page so it couldn’t have been completely an accident. Carmilla never once in her life thought she could get so stressed over something like this. It’s just a social media account that she will probably never ever use again.

To make the decision easy, she clicks on Laura’s account and sees that most of the information is blocked since they are not friends. She could just accept the damn request, but then JP will find out and he won’t not stop harassing her about it. But if that happens, she can talk to Will, who she is beginning to notice is the only person who can calm JP down. Carmilla clicks back to the notification page and just clicks accept but before the request can be sent the web browser crashes again.

Her head slams against the keyboard and ignores the throbbing pain on her forehead. She hates technology, why does it do things like this?

“Be careful with the hardware! It was expensive!”

Carmilla bolts up to see JP in the doorway with a grin. He is up to something but she doesn’t care enough to ask. She goes to lay on the bed and closes her eyes.

“Your computer sucks.”

“It’s because I haven’t updated it yet. It’ll be better soon.”

“Sure it will.”

She feels the bed dip beside her and a hand patting her leg.

“Carm, will you please come to the graduation party?”

“Why do you want me to go so bad?”

“Because I know how you want to leave this place so badly so I wanted this party to show you that maybe it isn’t so bad.”

Carmilla opens her eyes and looks at JP, who is now giving her his version of a puppy face. It never works on her but what he said struck a chord. Does he think that their friendship isn’t enough for her? Her friendship with him is what made her stay this whole time. He has always been there for her even though he can be an ass, but he is there. He gave her a place to stay whenever her fosters would give her trouble and he is there to listen when she needs to complain loudly. She has to leave because all her friends are already leaving for college after graduation. They are all going to check out the campus and then going on their summer vacation. She doesn’t want to be a burden to those plans. It’s better that she leaves as soon as possible.

Carmilla feels a growing lump in her throat.

“JP, don’t you dare.”

"What?"

"Don't you dare think-.”

Carmilla shakes her head and closes her eyes, and tries to forget about the potential conversation. She shouldn’t care anyway, they are all leaving so she has no reason to stay here. Might as well book it before they do. She is going to be 18 that day anyway. No one can tell her what to do anymore.

“Why do you do that, Carm?”

“Do what?” she responds with a tinge of annoyance.

“You used to never close up, but I swear, ever since you started started sleeping wi-.”

“ _Really?_ Why does every bad thing that ever happened seem to always relate to that? Why are you people so pissy about me wanting to grow up and move on!?” Carmilla sits up so she can stare JP down. “Seriously, answer that for me. Why?” She says as she tries to decipher his facial expression. He looks tired of this too and she would drop this conversation but might as well get to the bottom of this.

“Carm, I just thought you wanted Laura.”

“That doesn’t answer anything.”

JP bites his lip and leans against the bed frame as he looks at her.

“Okay, I just got mad because all of this happened out of nowhere. Like one moment you were so nervous and shy and all about Laura then the next you suddenly turned quite mean and rude and with Elsie, who hit you once with a volleyball! You also don’t even seem to like her at all and I remember you used to talk about your first time being with someone you like not someone you can’t stand. What the hell happened, Carmilla?”

Carmilla did not expect him to respond like that; although she didn’t think -other than sleeping with Elise- that her behavior was altered, it was obvious her mindset changed after she decided she needed to move on (or at least try to). But did they all assume she would stay exactly the same, that she would forever feel the unrequited crush all throughout her life?

“People change I guess.”

The look on JP’s face changes to a somewhat hopeful expression to a scowl.

“Carmilla Karnstein, did I do something that pissed you off?”

“Only thing that pisses me off is everyone assuming I was never going to move on. Why in the hell would I want to go through life with a crush on someone who probably never looked at me twice?”

Laura did send her a friend request on that stupid website but maybe JP put her up to it since they seem to be buds now.

JP gets off the bed and runs his hands through his hair a little aggressively which kind of looks like he is pulling his hair out.

“Oh my god! How is this still fucking happening?”

Carmilla stands up, still facing him.

“What the fuck are you talking about? Nothing is happening, I’m just moving the fuck on!”

JP takes a deep breath and his hopeful expression appears again.

“Come to the graduation party and you’ll find out!”

“..Wait, what?”

“Come to the graduation party and I guarantee we’ll all look back and laugh about-”

“JP, I’m not going.”

JP sighs again and tilts his head slightly, making sure he’s keeping eye contact with Carmilla.

“Do you trust me?”

“...What on Earth are we talking about here?”

“Do you, though?”

“...Well, yes.”

“Well then fucking come to party so we can fucking laugh about it one day!” JP finally sounding impatient, almost jumps in the air.

Carmilla raises her eyebrows with amusement and trying to hide her smile, she scoffs and goes to grab her phone.

“With the attitude you’re giving me, I shouldn’t even think about going to the party.”

She sees that she has 10 new messages from Elsie. She really needs to cut her lose.

“Carmilla Karnstein, you are going to that party!”

She looks back up at him, but stays silent.

“Please go.”

Carmilla takes a long moment to think of ways to get out of promising to go to that party.

“I’ll think about it.”

She feels her phone vibrate and has a feeling that it might be Elsie. JP is finally calm and sits back down.

“Carm, it would mean a lot if you came. I don’t throw a lot of parties and it won’t be that many people so you won’t have to worry about many drunken idiots.”

Carmilla smiles at him, she has no idea why she is being a pain in the butt about this, but it doesn’t hurt to make an appearance; she can say her final goodbyes before she leaves.

“Maybe I will go, okay JP?”

“Thank you, Carm.”

She feels him give her a hug and she returns it. They haven’t hug in a while and it feels good. She misses him and knows it’ll make graduation even harder. She pats him on the back before pulling away from the hug.

“I have to go take care of somethings, so I’ll be back in a few hours.”

“You better be back. Will and I are going to watch Paranormal Activity 1 & 2, you might get a kick out of it. Will is a scaredy cat.”

Carmilla laughs at the idea of Will being terrified of a ridiculous horror movie. Hopefully, things with Elsie end fast.

“Only if you include Trick r’ Treat. You know how much I love that movie.”

“Hell yeah! I’ll see you in a few?”

“Yeah, you will.”

She gives him a smile before leaving to go deal with Elsie.

 

* * *

 

 

Laura steps out of Kirsch’s truck since they agreed to go to the movies. Bridesmaids had just recently came out and she wants to see it but not as much as Kirsch, who was already halfway to the ticket booth. Ever since he explained his relationship with Danny, he has been wanting to see more movies that pass the bechdel test (Danny had explained to him what the test was and why it’s so important). She remembers how she had to drag him to watch She’s The Man with her and how he acted like the movie was a waste of his time but it was obvious he loved it since he was the one laughing the hardest in the movie theater. She loves this new side of him; she feels like she needs to send a thank you card to Danny. But Laura still hasn’t even talked to Danny about Kirsch, to see if she feels the same about him, but she knows that whatever her response is, Kirsch will respect it regardless; even if it ends up breaking his heart -as he had mentioned this to Laura multiple times, ever since he found out the ugly reality of the term ‘friend zone’.

It has been almost 2 weeks since the camping trip and Laura wishes she had spent her time there better. She was too focused on Carmilla to even have any fun. She let herself fume over everything when she should’ve been there for JP, even though he was kind of preoccupied with Will. And okay, maybe she could’ve spent time with Laf but they were with Perry the entire time and even Kirsch was with Danny. It feels like she doesn’t have many people to hang out with anymore. She knows, she knows a lot of people but they are more acquaintances than anything else. The last friend she had was Betty but she had to switch schools out of nowhere.

Laura then remembers that there is literally one week left of school; certainly not enough time to make more friends. She will be going to college, and there, she is going to make more friends than ever… But at least maybe she could start getting to know Carmilla (she should at least talk to her as much as she can at the graduation party) and maybe become friends one day. And maybe become really close friends (is that possible?).

“Laura! Are you coming or what?”

She looks up at Kirsch and realizes that she was standing in the middle of the sidewalk and not even close to the ticket booth. Did she really stop walking to concentrate on her thoughts?

“I’m coming!”

She rushes after him as he goes to open the doors. He hands her the ticket since he had convinced her that he would pay. They decided on not getting any snacks or drinks since they plan to get some pizza afterwards, so they head for the theatre room that the ticket person pointed to. When they get there, Laura sits down in the farthest seat from the screen and makes sure she is right in the middle. She hears a wrapper crinkle and looks over to see Kirsch pulling out a bag of sour gummy worms from his pocket. He smirks as he slowly hands the bag over to her, which she graciously accepts, and then sees him pull out another bag of the same candy out of his other pocket. She shakes her head as she begins munching on the sweet treat.

The lights start to dim as the movie trailers start to play and she feels excited yet relieved that she can actually stop over-thinking her life for at least 2 hours.

 

* * *

 

 

Carmilla is in an intense eye contact with Elsie’s cat; it just won’t stop staring at her! She doesn’t think the cat likes her -even if it likes to cuddle when Carmilla would stay over. It starts walking towards her, then rubbing its body on her black skinny jeans. But she notices the gray hair all over where the cat was rubbing, but doesn’t even complain because she knows there is no winner when one argues with a cat. She rubs its cute fluffy little head as it starts purring.

By the time Carmilla has decided to steal the cat, Elsie finally comes back from the bathroom. Elsie had went to the bathroom once Carmilla made it obvious she wanted to end whatever they had going on.

“What’s this cat’s name?” Carmilla asks once she realizes she never found out this little fluffer’s name.

“His name is Nico.”

Not a bad name at all. She expected something completely unoriginal like Whiskers or Mittens. But it’s not; it’s Nico. Yep, Carmilla is going to steal this cat -plus she would be doing Elsie a favor since the cat hates her. Carmilla picks up the cat and he lays down on her lap as she continues to pet him.

“So why should we end this?” Elsie asks impatiently.

Carmilla had completely forgotten that she was there. This cat is really distracting. She puts Nico on the floor, otherwise, she knows she won’t get to the point.

“We both don’t even like each other, and the sex is… okay. Look, I don’t want to start something before I leave.”

“You’re going to college?”

“Yep, that is exactly where I am going.”

“Which school are you going to?”

“Oh, you’ve never heard of it.” Carmilla says as she stands up and smiles internally when Nico begins rubbing himself against her leg again. She hopes he follows her outside cause then it would be the sign she needs to take him.

“You’ll be back, Carmila. You always are.”

Yea, right. Carmilla scoffs and intensely glares at Elsie, who reacts exactly how Carmilla predicted. Elsie looks slightly frightened, but mostly turned on. Carmilla loves having this ability. She turns around to leave and then says as she opens the door, “I am not calling you or coming back!” She announced. It felt good; it felt true. “Ever,” she says mostly to herself.

She shuts the door and cringes after realizing she didn’t leave it open long enough for Nico to follow her.

Except, she hears a soft meow. Carmilla looks down and sees that he beat her outside. She looks over to the door as she picks him up. She grins as she walks down the street back to JP’s place. She knows Nico will go back to Elsie’s later because it’s where his food is, but for now, he is hers.

Once she is outside JP’s front door, she places the cat on the ground and hopes he doesn’t take off running yet. She unlocks the door since this time she made sure to swipe JP’s keys. She looks down and sees Nico staring up at her, so she picks him up and locks the door behind her. She hears no one in the house so she goes straight to JP’s room. She places Nico down and he starts sniffing around. Carmilla sits on floor, so she can get a better view of the cat.

She pulls out her phone and sees that she has 2 messages from Elsie and 1 from JP.

 **Sent by JP**  
_I know you have my keys. You better be back before I am._

 **Sent by Elsie**  
_You took my cat??_  
_Is this your way of making me come to you?_

Carmilla locks her phone and puts it on the floor. She looks at the cat who is now making its bed next to the closet. She smiles at him then gets up to check if JP updated the computer or not. She logins in the guest account again and checks out her profile. She goes through the friend request list and sees that Laura’s request is still there. She has a do over. Should she accept it or not? She wonders if JP did put Laura up to this and whether he might make jokes about it, but then again, if he did do that, why hasn’t he asked about her new profile image?

She looks over at the cat who is now next to her legs and staring up at her. He purrs before jumping onto her lap and rubbing his head against her shirt. She scratches him behind the ears as she decides to just click accept because why the fuck not.

 

* * *

 

 

Laura closes the door behind her as she walks in her room. She lets herself fall face first onto her bed. She feels exhausted even though the only productive thing she has done all day was go to the movies then eat pizza with Kirsch. She had fun but that wasn’t the cause of her exhaustion. She thinks it might be the over thinking. During the whole movie, she was actually engrossed in it but afterwards she couldn’t stop thinking about Carmilla and the stupid friend request. Kirsch told her that Carmilla doesn’t even use the internet that much so she shouldn’t worry about the request. She has been telling this to herself multiple time but she still feels nervous about it.

She rolls onto her back and stares upward. She doesn’t focus on the ceiling as she tries to reason with herself. She really needs to ingrain what Kirsch told her otherwise she is going to exhaust herself even more.

Laura sits up and almost runs to her computer chair then logs on to the PC. She quickly types in the url into the web browser and waits as patiently as she can. She sees that she has some new notifications and tells herself to not be hopeful about them. She puts her hand on the mouse and slides her cursor over to the notifications. She releases an intake of breath that she did not know she was holding in, then closes her eyes as she clicks the mouse. Laura clears her throat before opening her eyes and...

“...It got _accepted_?”

She has no idea how to react because she did not expect this turn of events (admittedly, she hoped for it). She stands up and walks to her window and looks outside. Maybe she just needs a moment to process this.

Laura looks at the house in front of her and sees a child run across the grass. She smiles as the child seeming to have best the time of their life running away from their parents. Immediately after, Laura jumps when she hears her cell phone ring; she wasn’t expecting anyone calling her today. She checks out the caller ID and it says unknown to which she immediately denies the call. She hates being prank called. She stuffs the phone back in her pocket but then the phone rings again and it is the unknown caller again.

“Who is this?” She almost shouts in the receiver.

_“Chill, it’s JP.”_

“Why are you calling on unknown?”

_“My phone died and I don’t have a charger. So I’m using a payphone.”_

“Why are you using a payphone? Don’t you have a boyfriend, can’t you use his phone?”

_“His died too.”_

“Okay… so what’s up?”

_“I’m calling to ask you something Carmilla related. You okay with that?”_

“Are you… seriously asking? You never once ask if it's okay.”

_“Yes, I know but Will suggested I do since you were upset about that situation.”_

“Tell Will I say thank you for his concern.”

 _“Laura says thanks for your concern.”_ She hears JP say to Will and she didn’t catch what Will said but whatever it was sent JP into giggles.

“So… JP, what did you want ask?”

_“Well, before my phone died. I was on a certain social media account and guess what I saw in my newsfeed?”_

“What did you see in your news feed?” She knew this day was going to come but she did not expect it to be this soon.

_“Don’t even Laura.”_

“Okay! Okay. I hit the send friend request thing on accident!”

_“Funny thing is that Carmilla never gets online.”_

“I know, Kirsch told me. I am as shocked as you.”

_“Stalked her page yet?”_

“Wha.. No!”

_“You’re gonna after this conversation, aren’t you?”_

“...No, I am not.”

_“Yeah, sure you aren’t.”_

“So this is why you called me? You literally paid to have this conversation?”

_“Yeah, I did. I’m sorry but I don’t have the patience to wait to get home and charge my phone. I probably won’t even be able to have this talk at home anyway since Carmilla will probably be there.”_

Laura forgets that Carmilla basically lives with JP now and she tries her hardest not to figure out why Carmilla isn’t with her family. She doesn’t even know Carmilla and suddenly, she realizes that she is crushing so hard on someone that she doesn’t even know. She does hear fantastic things about Carmilla from Laf, JP and even Kirsch. Carmilla would beat up Laf’s bullies when they weren’t sure about their identity yet or when and she even helped JP with bullies who started to target him once he came out. Kirsch says the one thing he loves about Carmilla is that she is so caring even though she won’t admit it. He told her that there was this one time during his science project with Carmilla where Kirsch’s mom had to late at work again, which upset him (when it usually doesn’t) and Carmilla just knew what to do to cheer him up. He says that Carmilla never once asked why he was upset, which is why he was so grateful. He also told her that he loves Carmilla’s sense of humor even though it can be odd. In all honestly, Laura was getting jealous about the fact Kirsch got to hang out with Carmilla.

_“Are you still there? Laura?”_

“Yeah! I’m here. I just zoned out for a second.”

_“Alright, well I gotta get home, so I’ll text you once my phone is revived.”_

“Okay, bye!”

Laura tosses the phone on the bed after she hangs up. She takes one final look outside and sees that the family that was playing in the grass isn’t there anymore. She then goes to sit back at her computer chair and looks at her screen. She feels conflicted about clicking on Carmilla’s profile since JP predicted that she would stalk it and she hates it when he’s right. Maybe she can wait until later to go through it. Why is she even arguing to herself about this? Obviously, she is going to stalk her crush’s profile. So she does and it wasn’t much to look through since there is very little activity and the only thing that is new is the profile pic. This picture highlights Carmilla’s jawline really well and  suddenly her body reacts like it did when she was admiring that jawline back in the woods at the camping trip. She shakes her head, turns off the computer, stands up and begins pacing around her room. This crush of hers is getting out of hand.

She decides to take a nice, cold shower to calm herself down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for how long it took to release this chapter but the good news is that I kind of got ahead and have some future chapters finished. My excuse for this being late is that my laptop charger broke and I don't have money to replace it yet and my sister in law lets me use hers but only at her house but I have been typing the chapters on my phone. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one. The new chapter should be up soon. Song lyrics from by Sleater-Kinney. Any questions about this fic can be sent to my tumblr http://clarkclexa.tumblr.com/


	11. Steep Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This has Laura and Carmilla's POV. Abuse TW

First thought that goes through her mind when she opens her eyes this morning: It’s her birthday, she’s 18 and she feels like shit. Not particularly in that order. It was a long week; not a terrible one, but definitely long. She was mostly bored, but at least there hasn’t been anymore fights with JP, which is a huge plus. Laf has been hanging out with Perry most of the time and she is happy for them, though she hopes they are not mad at her since she still hasn’t came through on her promise to Laf. Usually she is good at promises but she keeps on forgetting this one. Although Laf seems to be doing well without her help.

She shifts on the bed and groans when she feels JP using her stomach as a pillow. She always knew he turns into a cuddler when he sleeps but regardless, she is not a big fan of it, at least not with JP anyway. She decides that today she is going to wake him up with a wet luggy and it was the best idea ever; he woke with a shout and rolled over on to the floor. Carmilla almost peed herself from laughing so hard.

“You’re such a dick, Carm!”

Carmilla chuckles as she gets up from bed and avoids JP’s hands. He seems to want to pull her down too.

“Get your ass up, JP! Today is the day you get to walk across a 5 foot stage to take a picture with your fake diploma! What a day!”

Carmilla holds her hands together over her chest to exaggerate her sarcastic excitement. JP gets up from the floor and rubs his now-bruised knee. He then hugs Carmilla from the back and almost picks her up but she pinches his arm.

“It’s your birthday!”

“Let go of me, JP!”

He lets go of her and then runs to his closet.

“I got you a present!!”

“Why?”

“Because it reminded me of you!”

He runs to her and holds out a wrapped box about the size of a thick book. Carmilla looks at him before focusing on the gift. She doesn’t particularly hate presents but she does hate it when people spend money on her. In any case, she grabs the box from him and rips through the wrapping paper under 3 seconds, and reveals a cardboard box. She looks up at JP, who looks so happy and excited, so she tears off the tape from the box and opens it. Inside, is a framed photo of her woods, a guitar necklace([x](https://img1.etsystatic.com/000/0/5698391/il_fullxfull.163201087.jpg)), and a iPod classic with a wooden case([x](http://image.rakuten.co.jp/overspec/cabinet/zakka02/maho-case-ipod_06.jpg?_ex=128x128)) and her name carved into the back.

Carmilla looks up at him and feels her eyes burn. She has no idea how to respond to this. This gift is the best anyone has ever given her. She puts everything carefully back in the box then sets it on the floor before tackling JP into a hug.

JP is chucking but she can feel his tears on her shirt. She doesn’t feel like she needs to say something but she does.

“Thank you.”

She hugs him tighter and hears him say something about not being able to breathe, to which she releases him.

“Wow, I knew you were going to love this but not this much.”

Carmilla grabs the box and takes out the necklace and puts it on. Then, she takes the iPod out and finds that it is already loaded with her music.

“How did you afford this? I know these are expensive.”

JP smiles then stuffs his hands in his front pockets of his pj pants.

“I didn’t pay for it so... don’t worry about that at all. Only thing I spent money on was the frame.”

“Then how did you get this?”

Carmilla looks up from the iPod, with her eyes wide and her mouth ajar.

“Did you steal it?”

JP pulls his hands out his pockets to cover his mouth as he begins to laugh. He sits down on the bed and shakes his head as he puts his hands back in his pockets.

“I did not steal it.”

“Then what?”

“Will had two of them. One he bought himself and the other was given to him… I stole the necklace though.”

Carmilla impressed, nods and then sits next to JP.

“Today’s your graduation, excited?”

“Hell yeah and by the way, are you going to walk with us?”

“I find it hilarious that I am able to even graduate.”

JP chuckles before swinging his arm around Carmilla’s shoulder.

“Carm, babe. Did you forget that I like to hack the school site?”

“You changed my grades again, didn’t you?”

JP stands up and stretches until he hears a bone crack. He turns around to wink.

“Happy Birthday, Carm. Now, I am gonna go get ready for our graduation ceremony!”

He heads towards the door, and shuts it behind him. Carmilla looks down at the necklace and smiles at it. She knows that she is never going to take this off. She gets up to go to get her phone from the charger. She sees that she has 2 messages from Laf and 5 from Kirsch.

 **Sent by Laf**  
_Happy Birthday!!_  
_And yes I got you a gift!_

 **Sending to Laf**  
_I’m picking it up at graduation._  
_You better bring it._

**Sent by Kirsch**  
_Happu Bday!_  
_*Happy_  
_I got you a gift!_  
_Gonna give it to you at grad!_  
_Hope you go to the party!_

**Sending to Kirsch**  
_I might go._

Carmilla places her phone on the bed before deciding that she needs to get ready too. She takes a deep breath and cracks her knuckles before going to fight for bathroom time from JP.

*****

Carmilla gets out of JP’s car (which is actually his dads but he is asleep and won’t be needing it). Suddenly, she feels a body press up against her and she sees red hair obscure her vision. She hugs them back. It was probably the first time her and Laf ever hugged.

“Happy Birthday, Carmilla.”

Carmilla looks to her side to see Perry giving her a small smile. She pats Laf’s back as she feels them squeeze her tighter.

“Okay Laf.”

Laf squeezes her one more time before stepping away from the hug. They bring out a manilla envelope from their jacket pocket then hands it over to Carmilla. She grabs and opens it quickly. She pulls out a wooden phone case([x](http://www.lieko.com/img/products/wood_case/iphone_3g_3gs/iphone_3g_3gs_wood_case_006.jpg)) and immediately slips it on her phone, which fits perfectly.

Carmilla smiles before giving Laf another hug and she whispers in their ear, “This is the best, Laf. Thank you so much.” She gives them a squeeze before pulling away from the hug.

“I’m happy you like it, Carm.”

“Yeah, JP got me a wooden case for the iPod classic he gave me. Guess all my things match now!”

“Yeah, we kind of collaborated on the whole wood thing.” Laf says with a smirk.

“Thanks for that. It’s gonna suck if they get wet.”

“Oh no! Don’t worry about that! I coated them with a little Modge Podge; something that won’t mess it up.”

Carmilla chuckles at whatever Laf said since it seems like something they would do. She gives them another hug before they all have to go to the stadium entrance. She finally decided to just participate in the graduation. She does not remember much from the training they had to go through at school (when they forced the senior class to do a trial run of how the graduation ceremony would go) but she is hoping to just copy what everyone else is doing; it shouldn’t be that difficult.

They all walk together to the back entrance, where the teachers are panicking with a check list. Carmilla gives them a small smile as she tells them her name, so they can cross it off on their clipboard. She looks around once she settles in with JP, Laf and Perry, standing next to a pole.

“JP!”

Her concentration is broken by Will, who gives JP a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. They’re cute and Carmilla hates it. Once Will lets go of JP, he looks over to her direction, with a big smile.

“Happy Birthday, Carmilla. I hope you liked your presents.”

She nods at him and tries to give him a smile that doesn’t appear to be forced. Even though they kind of get along although she is not sure she wants to get to know him even if it seems like JP and him will be together longer than the summer will allow. They are both going to different schools, so Carmilla is doubtful.

“Yes, thank you, Will.”

He nods before looking at JP and getting back to looking all cute together. She has had enough of this, so she looks over to Laf, who is also acting all cute with Perry. Carmilla has no idea if they are together yet but knowing Laf, they probably aren’t which makes these two the biggest oblivious idiots she has ever known.

How can Perry not realize how Laf feels for her? How is Laf not getting how Perry feels in return? It’s not that hard to realize someone has crush on someone they know, but she is not going to do anything to help them because she rather they figure it out for themselves.

Carmilla never once thought that she would end up being a fifth-wheel but here she is. She looks around and almost cries in relief when she sees Kirsch come in through the entrance but then she sees Danny walk in behind him and she already knows that he is going to hang out with Danny.

As Carmilla starts to feel content with being alone, she leans against the pole and looks over at the couple's near her. JP and Will are currently debating about some TV show that she will probably never watch, Laf and Perry are talking about the science of cleaning products, which makes Carmilla do a double take because why in the world would that ever be a topic of conversation? She wishes she didn’t agree to come here.  
Carmilla could have received her presents at the party later, so there is literally no reason for her to be here. She looks away and sees Laura, with a huge smile on her face, talking to a blonde girl who Carmilla vaguely recognized from school.

Carmilla feels her phone vibrate in her pocket. She pulls it out and sees that she has a message from Kirsch, so she looks over to him and he is smiling at her while putting his phone away before continuing his discussion with Danny.

 **Sent by Kirsch**  
_That’s her friend Betty. Don’t worry, they are just friends._

She almost growls at her phone because even though she was curious about the nature of their relationship, she wasn’t that curious. Suddenly, she starts remembering why that girl looked familiar. Betty and Laura were close friends once. So close that Carmilla actually thought Laura and her were dating but found out she was wrong when Laura began seeing Danny. Almost immediately, Betty switched schools. Wait, if Betty switched schools, why is she here? Her questions gets answered a moment later when a teacher walks by and asks Betty who she is, then basically kicks her out.

Carmilla almost starts laughing but decides to hold it in after seeing that everyone went quiet. Suddenly, she feels eyes on her, so she looks up and sees Laura staring back at her. She feels her legs start to move under her. But before she realizes what’s happening, another teacher starts yelling at everyone to get in lines.

Great.

* * *

 

 There are cars, camera flashes and people everywhere when Laura walks outside of the building. The whole ceremony was way too long, but she was distracted, replaying the moment outside before the ceremony, when Carmilla was about to walk towards her, but somehow, the universe didn’t allow her to walk all the way to Laura. She isn’t gonna let that happen again. The universe doesn’t get to control whether they talk or not. Especially not tonight at the party. There won’t be any interruptions at the party.

She looks around for her dad, since he was suppose to be here. She then spots him by the parking lot, on his phone. He doesn’t look like he is looking for her, so she decides to take this time to go chat with her friends.  
Laura turns around to look for Betty, she really wants her to meet JP. She can’t spot her but she does find Kirsch giving his mom a hug. His mom looks tired and she still has her work uniform on. She smiles at the thought of loving someone so much that you’re willing to sell your soul to capitalism. She remembers how much his mom used to spoil him rotten and that was his moms way of making Kirsch forget about his dead-beat of a father. All she knows about his dad, since his mom won’t divulge into details, is that he made good money and wasn’t there for Kirsch’s birth, or anytime after that.  
Despite all of that, Kirsch has always been curious about his dad (which everyone calls the sperm donor since that is all about him that is relevant) but in reality of it all, he considers his mom better than a pair of parents combined.

Laura likes to think that she might become a super-mom like her one day, but she is still kind of iffy about having kids. She does adore hanging out them but she just isn’t sure she would want one running around in her house.

Laura looks around and sees Danny hugging her dad. She doesn’t see her mother and wonders how she is doing (she might ask Kirsch later). She remembers liking Danny’s dad; he was the definition of a cool dad. She remembers he would leave them alone a lot, which Laura loved. She doesn’t recall what kind of relationship Danny and him have but she hopes that it becomes stronger if Danny’s mom passes away.

She hopes that the next person she spots is either JP or Betty but no such luck since she only finds Carmilla, sulking under the shade of the building. Again, her mind hits with questions about Carmilla’s family. She wishes she could just ask JP but she knows it’ll be a waste of breath since these are the questions that should probably come from the source and not a third party. And she knows JP will answer her by saying “Ask her yourself.”

She wishes she had the guts to approach her and ask. She doesn’t. Instead, she admires her from afar and saves the questions for later. Carmilla, wearing the gown and the cap like she didn’t even bother putting them on properly, makes Laura feel like Carmilla can pull off wearing anything. Laura is even positive that Carmilla could rock a trash bag. She shakes her head to clear her mind from that image, then feels someone behind her. Smelling his cologne, she feels it’s probably JP.

“You’re such a creeper.”

Yep, it’s JP.

Laura turns around to give him a big hug, she didn’t get a chance to see him before. She is so happy for him since he seems to have it good right now, with his amazing boyfriend, graduating school with good grades and then getting accepted to the school he had his heart on. She loves this guy so much and hopes that they keep in contact when they all have to leave.

“It’s so good to see you, JP.”

JP pulls out of the hug, with an excited expression on his face.

“Tonights the night.”

“Always with the Dexter references.”

“I can’t for season 6 this October.”

“I hope you pay attention to classes during that time.”

“We’ll see. Anyways, tonight's the night!”

JP hugs her again before jumping a little bit.

“Laura if you don’t get Carm’s number after tonight then I have no hope for you.”

“Shut up.”

“I’m serious though, like if you could get Danny Law-”

“JP! Don’t you dare finish that sentence.”

He laughs before his boyfriend gives him a hug from behind. Will kisses him on the cheek as Will rests his head onto JP’s shoulders. They are too cute. Laura tries to give them a moment before interrupting.

“JP, there’s someone I want you to meet. Remember my friend Betty? The one I’ve told you about?”

“Mhm”

“Well, she came to visit today!”

“Was she that blonde that was chilling with you?”

“Yes, that was her.”

“I remember having a few classes with her, but we never spoke. Oh hey, maybe she can help you get Carm since she helped you get Danny.”

Laura shakes her head at him before sneaking a glance at Carmilla, who is now wearing headphones with her cap is under her foot.

xxxxx

The music isn’t as loud as the last party she was at. And this time, she is just here to have fun and make friends. She has been nervous all day and feels even more nervous now that she’s here. Laura starts to play with her fingers since she doesn’t have anything else to distract her. The party started like 10 minutes ago and JP has already told her that Carmilla was busy when he left and that she will be here soon.

She has to be patient but her nervousness makes her want to just get it over with and talk to Carmilla. She wonders what they are going to talk about. She hopes it nothing pertaining to the weather; Laura hates small talk.

Laura looks around the party and sees that everyone is distracted with either talking, eating or drinking. Maybe she should get a drink so she has something to do while Carmilla gets here, but she changes her mind right away since she doesn’t want to be too tipsy when she first talks to Carmilla. Okay, so no drinking for her but maybe she could snack until then. She sees nothing wrong with that idea, so she walks over to the snack table and is disappointed that there aren’t any chips left. It’s not like she wanted chips, but she could’ve wanted chips. She decides to eat some chocolate chip cookies, which are totally better than chips.

“Whoa, looks like we need a refill on chips!”

She turns around and sees JP on his phone.

“I texted Carm to pick some up.”

“Is she on her way?”

JP laughs before he walking over to the table and leans on it with his hands.

“She said she should be. So she’ll be here in about 30 minutes. Are you excited?”

“I think I am about to puke.”

“Well, I think I have limes here somewhere.”

“Limes?”

“Yeah, my family always tells me to pack limes before a long car ride because the smell of limes always calms down the nausea.”

“I did not know that.”

“Well, it’s common knowledge in my family.”

JP grabs a lime and hands it to her.

“If doesn’t help right away, try it again.”

Laura smiles at him as he nods at her before walking back to Will. Those two have been inseparable ever since they got together and she knows it's because they want to make up for lost time. She wonders daily why they didn’t meet earlier. She wants to ask JP, but whenever they are together, they mostly talk about Carmilla. She kind of regrets avoiding him after the camping trip because then she probably wouldn’t be left with these questions.

She feels two hands on her shoulders and at first thinks it's JP again, but then she smells the fruity perfume, and knows it's Betty. She turns around and smiles at her good friend, who was not shocked when Laura told her about her crush on Carmilla and then tried to convince Laura that she always had a suspicion that something was going to happen between the two of them.

“Betty.”

“Laura.”

“How are you liking the party?”

“I think it's going to get fun soon.”

“That so?”

“Carm is coming, right?”

Hearing Betty call Carmilla by her nickname feels weird since Betty doesn’t know Carmilla personally. But Laura doesn’t point that out.

“Yeah, JP said that she texted that she should be here soon.”

“Hey Laur, guess what I found out?”

“What?”

“Today is Carm’s birthday. She is 18 years old.”

“Today is her birthday? How did you find that out?”

“I was eavesdropping on JP and his posse.”

“Why would you do that?”

Betty shrugs while smiling before leaving to go talk to Danny, who is in another heated conversation with Kirsch. Laura decides to go sit down on a couch and then starts sniffing the lime. She hopes she starts to feel better before Carmilla shows up.

* * *

 

The bell rings as she walks inside the convenience shop and she heads straight for the chip section since JP didn’t properly stock up for the party. Now she is going to be even more late. Not that she cares or anything. Carmilla is gazing at the wide selection of chip flavors and brands, wondering what the hell she should get. Thats when she smells it.

That strong perfume is not hard to mistake.

She’s here.

Carmilla feels like she is suddenly frozen in place, yet her breathing has sped up at the same time. She can deal with the foster guy, but his wife is a different story. She wishes that she had the guts to leave this shop and not come back, but once she feels her presence, she really can’t move. She can barely breathe and her heart feels like it is going to explode. Her mouth dries up and her skin tightens. She needs to control her breathing otherwise she might pass out right now and she doesn’t want to be a easy target for Her.

“Carmilla.”

Even hearing her voice sends another shock into her and she feels her body actually start shaking even though she isn’t cold. She has to turn around but she doesn’t know if she can; her feet might be glued solid.

“It is _rude_ not to look at someone when they are speaking to you.”

Carmilla gulps before forcing her frozen body to turn. She tries to avoid eye contact and just stares at Her brooch. She has memorized its design and shape by now but she still scans it with her eyes. Carmilla tries her best to not look at Her smile. It always gave her nightmares. She doesn’t need this right now, but she knows she will regret it if she left too soon. This woman has a habit of making Carmilla’s life hell. This woman is the reason she has to leave.

“I noticed that your room has been vacant lately and I am truly trying to convince your CPO that you are out for a sleepover. It’s getting tiresome. I expect you to be back tonight, before midnight.”

Carmilla tries to regulate her breathing since it's the probably the only thing that she can do right now to calm herself down. She hates how weak this woman makes her. She hates it so much.

“I understand that today is your 18th birthday and you might think you can make it out on your own but you are wrong. You might think these friends of yours will be with you forever but they will leave you in the end, dear. They _always_ do. Even your parents have left you but I _have_ not. I am always here for you… Carmilla.”

The way that woman says her name makes her insides bleed. She wants to cry to get this dumb feeling out of her system but she doesn’t. She can’t

“Call your CPO and tell her that you will staying with us until you graduate college.”

The woman holds up a hand to brush Carmilla’s cheek and to anyone passing by, it might appear to be affectionate but in reality it is more painful than a beating.

“I’ll see you at home later. I know my husband misses you.”

With that, the woman leaves and she walks away with such poise that if Carmilla didn’t know her, she might mistake her as royalty. But unfortunately, she does know this person, and she’s far beyond royalty. More like the evil witch from the cabin in the forest.

A couple minutes later, Carmilla walks out of the store without buying the chips and hopes the fresh air helps her out. She breathes it in as she crosses the road. So far, the air hasn’t helped, so she walks straight into the woods.  
She leans against a tree and closes her eyes. She needs to calm down right now because she has to call her CPO.

Once her heart is steady, she pulls out her phone. She notices that she has multiple messages from her friends (are they really her friends?) and she ignores them as she dials the number.

“Hello, this is Christi at-”

“Hey Christi, its Carmilla.”

“Carmilla? Carmilla Karnstein?”

“Yes, this is she.”

“Happy birthday, Carmilla! I hope you’re celebrating it well.”

Yeah, she sure is. The celebration so far has been lovely. She forces herself to remember the gifts she received from her friends but it feels like ages ago.

“Yeah, uh… Since I am 18..”

“Is this about what we spoke about earlier?”

“Yes, I want out. I don’t want to be in the system any longer”

“Okay, as you know, it won’t be a problem”

“Thank you.”

“I just need you to fill out some documents. I can be at your place on Monday for you to fill them out.”

“Could you email them? I can fax them to you. It’ll be faster.”

“Yes, we can do that. What’s the rush?”

“I’m planning to leave this place today.”

“Carmilla. I don’t know if I recommend you to do that.”

“I’m sorry, but you can’t really stop me.”

“I can’t stop you but here we have some wonderful housing situations we can situate you with until you get settled.”

“Can I do this in a different state?”

“Yes, I believe we can maybe manage that. Do you know which state and city you’ll be living at? So I can provide you with the necessary information.”

“I don’t know what state but I can fill you in once I do.”

“Okay, so I am going to email you some forms for you to fill out and I will attach the fax number.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s no problem, Carmilla. Now go back and celebrate your birthday.”

“Okay bye.”

Carmilla hangs up and realizes that she is no longer in the woods but in JP’s bedroom. She does not remember walking this way but at least she is here. She grabs all her things and shoves them inside her backpack and a duffel bag that she is sure belongs to JP, but he won’t miss it.

She smirks when she sees Kirsch’s present which was a book of horror stories. She stuffs it in the bag before straping on the backpack and sling the strap of the duffel bag on her shoulder. She pulls out her cellphone to see that she a few more messages from Laf, Kirsch and JP. Carmilla pockets the phone; all she needs to focus on is getting to the bus station. That is all that matters right now and it has to be before midnight otherwise, She might find her.

Carmilla takes one last look at the house behind her. She is never going to be able to see this place again. She closes her eyes and pushes those thoughts further away from her mind. It’s too soon to feel this way, so she just starts walking down the path that she has memorized at this point.

She always dreamt of the day that she will be able to actually leave and here it is. The bus station isn’t far, but it sure feels like it. Maybe she should say bye to the people that have been kind to her all these years. She should even go to the party, but she can’t face them right now. Not after what happened..

Carmilla was able to avoid Her for so long, that when she faced her at the store, it shook her to her core. And she still feels invaded. How did she find her there, anyway? Has been following her or has she hired help? All she knows is that she does not feel safe here anymore.

Carmilla passes the woods and sends out a internal goodbye and thank you to all her friends, and to the woods. Being in the woods always made her feel at home, but now Carmilla has no idea when she’ll be able to be surrounded by them again. The thought of that sends a kick to her gut.

Great, now she’s getting emotional over trees. She reallys needs to get it together if this is going to work.

The bus station sign starts to appear and she begins to feel a little peace. She is finally here.

She is finally going to leave.

Finally. Fucking Finally.

xxxx

Carmilla places her bags next to her as she gets in line for the ticket booth. She scanns the ticket prices and tries to find one in her budget which doesn’t take long. It looks like she will have to buy some winter clothing because Chicago is going to be her new home.

Once she’s paid and gotten her ticket, she waits until it's boarding time. She pulls out her phone again and sees that her phone is bloated with all the missed calls and messages from JP. She unlocks her phone and clicks on JP’s messages but does not read them.

 **Sending to JP**  
_I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to the party. I just needed to leave asap. I’m gonna miss you. Goodbye JP._

Carmilla wipes the tears streaming down her face and accepts that she doesn’t have it in her to send a text to Laf. She takes off an earring and uses the tip to open the back of her phone. She pulls out the sim card and throws it away without a second thought. Now her foster mother has no way to get to her.

She sighs in relief when she hears that they are now boarding the bus to Chicago. Carmilla quickly picks up her bags and walks onto the bus.

Once her duffel is put away and the ticket is scanned, she sits and stares out the window. She knows even in Chicago, she’ll be under the same sky and it will be the same sun that wakes her up in the morning, but as for everything else, nothing will be the same.

There comes that feeling again; her eyes swell and vision blurs. She tries to swallow the lump and almost works. She wipes her tears on her hand and pulls out her iPod. She closes her eyes and relaxes when the music plays.

Such an appropriate song as well.

_“I'm tired of waiting on a ship that won't leave shore_  
_The water's bloody with the ones who came before_  
_Hey, she made you say it, yeah, they'll make you say it_  
_Yeah, you know you said it a lot_  
_Hey, you never stay for, now you gotta pray for_  
_Something better what you've got”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck. I've been really busy. Like this chapter was done when I posted the last one but it wasn't edited yet and when it was, I had to edit a scene that took me awhile to get to. I've just been real busy with job searches and hanging out with this cousin of mine that came from Mexico. Also I have a surprise to make up for the lost time. I know the ending of this chapter might make you angry with me but I'm gonna post the next one this week or the next. My beta will be able to edit this Friday, so once she is done it'll be posted immediately and in that chapter these two finally speak. So you have that to look forward to. Hopefully you can forgive me for this slow burn. I just hope you guys like where this story is going. Oh and I forgot to mention that this is the last chapter set in high school, the next one is gonna be a time skip which leads us to the future part of the fic. One more thing to mention is that I also wrote a alternative ending to this chapter, if you guys want to read it, let me know. Lyrics are from the song "Steep Air" by Sleeter-Kinney


	12. Modern Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 4 year time skip - Laura's POV

_4 years later..._

Nothing would be different if her eyes were closed; she feels like she could do everything just out of muscle memory. Laura hasn’t been at this job for very long, but ever since she started, it’s been almost the exact same tasks and routines. She tries to relax for a minute in her chair after she’d sent off the invoices to her boss.

She looks over at the time on her desktop, sighing as she realizes that she should probably get up to go refill the coffee machine, otherwise people might complain to the boss about her again. A girl forgets once and no one ever forgets it.

Laura stretches a little after she stands up; she felt a little stiff after sitting in that chair for so long, going through too many PDF files.

She makes her way to the break room which basically is just a tiny kitchen. She avoids staring at the other employees, she knows it is rude but after awhile it gets kind of tiresome giving people smiles and waves when they ignore your existence. No problem, she can just listen to her podcasts in peace.

Once she cleans out the coffee machine and has placed the new batch of coffee grounds in it, she leans against the fridge and waits. Laura pulls out her phone as the latest episode finishes playing and she decides that maybe trying out the new radio service app. She has never used it before but right now she is not in the mood for her same-old playlists. She decides to go through the popular music selection and hits play.

 _“Give it to me, I'm worth it_  
_Baby, I'm worth it_  
_Uh huh I'm worth it_  
_Gimme gimme I'm worth it_  
_Give it to me, I'm worth it_  
_Baby, I'm worth it_  
_Uh huh I'm worth it_  
_Gimme gimme I'm worth it”_

Laura already has this song in her playlist but she does love how much this song lifts her mood at times. She taps her hand on her thigh to the beat though she makes sure not to do it too loudly, she does not want to disturb her co-workers.

She looks over to the coffee machine and she sees is slowly filling up. She wonders when they’ll throw that machine away and just invest in a Keurig; it’ll be way more beneficial in the long run. Then again, she did hear the company hasn’t been making a lot of money.

She goes look through the cabinets and not to her surprise she finds 10 different coffee mugs and a box of cheese puffs that no touches. She can see a layer of dust on top of it of the box. Apparently, it belonged to a former employee that passed away and out of respect, they decided to keep it.

Laura shakes her head slightly before opening the next cabinet and grins at the baby bottle sitting on the shelf. No one knows how it got there, nor do they care enough to find out. She looks over at the coffee machine right at the moment it beeps.

She closes the cabinet and opens the former one and takes out a mug. Once it is filled, she walks over to the boss’s door and after knocking she walks in, with the biggest smile she can muster. Of course, he seems to be distracted with some conference call, so she just places it on his desk before going back to her own.

Laura pulls out her phone again to press skip and the next song starts off with an electric guitar playing a really familiar tune and she feels nostalgic over it but cannot identify the song. She leans back in the chair as she tries to remember where she heard this song before; she refuses to look at the screen because she will remember, then some drums start playing a tempo and makes the tune even more recognizable. It is not until the lead vocalist begins singing that Laura finally has her eureka moment.

 _"You might've been hurt, babe_  
_That ain't no lie_  
_You've seen them all come and go, oh..”_

It’s N’sync! Laura screams in her head and she feels the rush of adrenaline, her fingers curling into a tight fist, and her skin burning with excitement. She knows that if she were to look in a reflection right now, she would have the biggest smile on her face and maybe be probably a little red on her cheeks. She honestly hopes no one asks her why she looks like this right now, it would be not be a great response if she says that she guessed the song correctly.

 _“Every little thing I do_  
_Never seems enough for you_  
_You don't wanna lose it again_  
_But I'm not like them_  
_Baby, when you finally,_  
_Get to love somebody_  
_Guess what,_  
_It's gonna be me”_

It starts to dawn on Laura that the song is a cover; a rock cover which she kind of did recognize earlier but, didn’t really question it until now. Once she gets over the shock of the song, she starts to realize another nostalgic feeling it brings; she has heard this voice before and nothing is ringing any bells. And old artist from the late 90’s? No, the voice sounds like a young woman’s. It’s making Laura struggle intensely as she still refuses to just look at her phone.

Grumbling, she checks her list of duties for the day and sees that she is basically done, but can’t leave until 2:30pm and it's only 12:05pm. So, she decides to take her lunch early because she has nothing else to do.

Laura keeps the song on replay for a while, it does not help with identifying who the singer is, but it does leave her dazed. The singer has a deep, raw voice that adds a whole new layer to sexy.

Once she finishes her lunch, she heads back to her desk since there might a new email informing her of a new assignment. She sighs as she sees that there is nothing new. Laura decides to finally pick up her phone to look at who sings the cover is, but it’s just some band called ‘The Woods’.

Since she has the free time, she googles the band and comes across their website([x](https://40.media.tumblr.com/acbd4696edca2c0fc2d49fc57139a7e8/tumblr_nuajkhCObE1ufjw0vo1_1280.jpg)). She doesn’t have to guess who the lead singer is since she knows exactly who those vocals chords belong to. Laura feels her mouth dry up as she stares at the lead singer in the screen. She is kind of surprised that she was not able to put two and two together, she used to obsess over that voice and the person who wields it.

Laura has not thought about her in such a long time. She completely forgot about how Carmilla made her feel, and she even had a serious relationship with Emilia in college. Oh, Emilia used to consume her thoughts during long lectures and take up most of her time out of class. And then came Tara, who completely exhausted Laura physically and emotionally. It’s a miracle that both relationships ended mutually. Although sometimes she find herself stuck thinking about the days she had with Tara. But now Carmilla’s on her computer screen, and everything seems miniscule. Carmilla was the one that she never understood.

She looks through the website and notices the twitter feed on the side. There it shows that Carmilla is going to be doing a acoustic set at a cafe that was a few minutes from where she lives and it’s tonight. She does not remember having any plans tonight, but she should double check because she might have promised to take care of her neighbor’s cat, though that still wouldn’t be a good excuse to not go.

“Laura! My office, now!”

She turns off her monitor before rushing to her boss’s office.

“Yes, Mr. Ringwald?”

“Laura, I see that you’ve done well today, so I decided to give you a chance. A chance to prove yourself to Info-Feed. I want you to find me a story; a story that will give our website more… more views! I’m- Well, it’s obvious that our site isn’t doing well. So, I hope you’ll rise up the challenge... Otherwise Laura, you might need to find somewhere else to work. Nothing personal, we just can not afford an uninspired writer”

Laura nods and gently brushes her sweaty palms on her pants.

“Yes, thank you _so_ much for this job opportunity”, she breaths in. “When is the deadline?”

“The deadline is tomorrow.”

Tomorrow. Mr. Ringwald explains what he’s looking for, which is- from what Laura understood, anything legal, yet extremely creative, that can, of course get views “by the tons”. Laura thanks him one more time before heading back to her cubicle.

She has no idea what the hell she is going to tell her boss. She lets her head fall on her desk as she thinks about her options then sighs when she realizes all her old ideas might not get as many views as they need. She has to come up with something before tomorrow. Truth is, she needs this job. She is not a huge fan of this job, but she needs-

Mr. Ringwald calls her name again.

“Can you get me a fresh cup-o-joe, Laura?!”

Maybe getting fired won’t be the worst thing.

She sits up when she thinks about maybe telling her boss about Carmilla’s band, but doubts that her pitch would impress him: “There's this band and the lead singer is amazing- and hot. People will totally read about this.”

Maybe she can look at the most popular stories they have online and get an idea from those.

Or she can look for another job.

That sounds like a wonderful idea (she won’t do it, but it really sounds like a wonderful idea).

Laura sighs before lifting her head up and turning her monitor back on. She leans back in her chair and looks up at the ceiling and notices a coffee mug stain. How the hell did that get up there?

God, she needs to get to work.

Looking back at her screen, she sees the band site again and she feels an electric shock run down her spin. She cannot wait to go. Although, she might not be able to go if she’s stuck working on this assignment all night.

She decides to just go through the band page and ultimately decides to purchase this album the second she gets home.

Laura looks over at the time and almost jumps out of her seat. Shit, the coffee.

xxxx

Laura puts down a bowl of water next to the one she just filled with cat food. She looks over to the tubby cat that’s just staring at her. She hopes she won’t regret leaving this cat alone for an hour or two.

Once she feels confident that cat won’t need anything else, she goes back to her bedroom and goes through her closet. She’s still in her work clothes, so she knows she might have to take another shower since she kind of stinks of coffee. Though it might not be a terrible thing; she is going to a cafe afterall.

She decides to wear the cute sundress she bought last weekend at a thrift shop. It’s white with dark blue flowers and she has flats that will go with it perfectly.

After her shower and putting on her chosen outfit, she decides to spend some time applying some eyeliner, foundation and decides her face is pink enough that blush wouldn’t be necessary. She feels the excitement flow through her body and then she goes to curl her hair.

Looking in the mirror, she finds herself smiling. She is still giddy over reuniting with a former high school crush, but seeing the dress hug her waist perfectly makes her feel like she can strut towards the singer with nothing but confidence.

She is not going there to rekindle some fantasy romance, but if they get a chance to speak, Laura can fill her in on what Carmilla missed when she took off.

Laura grimaces at her reflection, she has not thought about JP in awhile. She remembers that the last time they spoke it was when he was starting a IT job at a fancy library, which was about 5 months ago.

She closes her eyes as she takes a few deep breathes. She needs to stop thinking about the past right now; it does not do her any good. She knows that.

Laura smiles at herself one more time before going to check on the sleeping cat on her couch. She feels a little more comfortable about the idea of leaving the kitty alone for a few hours. It’s not like she is going to be gone all night.

****  
Laura closes the door behind her as she walks out of the apartment complex. She begins rubbing her wallet and feels herself reflecting back to when she first got the keys to her place. It was a graduation present from her father, which was amazing since she wanted to live on her own after having to depend on herself for once. It was such an amazing feeling.

Even with her great job, sometimes she is not able to make rent, which her dad gladly helps with. She does hate that she still depends on her dad, but it could be worse. She is happy that she’s able to have her own place and it makes her feel even more grateful knowing that almost everyone her age that she’s known from college still live at home. She’s also come across some pretty amazing opportunities for a girl her age.

Laura smiles when she sees the sign for The Rustic Cafe and admires the plants out in front. The paint job on the cafe is a dark teal, there is a large window right next to the front door, and she can already see that the place looks more full than usual. She figures that it might because of Carmilla.

So that is going to be fun, she might not get a chance to speak to her at all tonight, but at least she gets to watch her live performance.

She walks inside and is greeted with the scent of coffee and hot chocolate. Laura smiles as she takes in the familiar smell. She comes here pretty often; their hot chocolate is the best in town.

Laura gets in the short line and orders her usual hot chocolate with a sprinkle of cinnamon. She holds her hot drink while she scans for an empty table. She makes a beeline for a table that just got vacant. She sits down victoriously when she notices she was not the only one going for this table.

Laura places her drink down as she tries to make casual glances throughout the crowd. She decides to pull out her phone, to see if maybe anyone from the band tweeted any updates. Nothing new, she sighs as she glances at the time. It’s almost 8.

She sits back and cups her mug as she takes a few sips.

She picks up her phone after placing the mug back on the table. She goes through some missed messages from a few friends but does not respond to them; she then goes through her emails and notices nothing new. She decides to go through old messages and stumbles upon some old emails between Laf and her.

Laura gives a small smile as she reads the painfully short responses they both gave each other. She remembers that Laf was such a character, she has no idea who they are now but from what she can tell from the messages, they are still a goofball, a goofball that is in love with their best friend. It’s cute.

She begins thinking about JP again which makes her head hurt. Too many questions that she will probably never get answered.

Laura slumps against her seat as she leaves the phone on the table, next to her drink. She crosses her arms as she tries to scan the small crowd again but this time she finds Carmilla, sitting at table in front of the small stage.

Seeing her in person, is so much more different than online. Carmilla has this mature look in her and she also seems more confident and relaxed. Laura stirs her focus from her face to her outfit, She’s wearing a black lace top, biker boots and leather pants. Laura never knew how nice leather pants can actually look on someone. She always thought they were impractical, especially after watching that one episode in Friends.

Regardless of her former thoughts about the pants, Carmilla looks really good in them. Laura decides to stop drooling over the singer and looks to the company that Carmilla has. They all look familiar which she realizes is because she looked at the twitter feed a lot and has memorized the profiles pics to the other bands members. She knows that one of the blondes there is named Amy and one of the other brunettes is named Lexa. She has no idea who the other girls there are, though they are in the pictures too.

The girls look like they’re having a good time, and it makes Laura miss having a close-knit group of friends. Instinctively, she looks down at her phone and sees a new notification. She clicks on it and it sends her to a new message from LaFontaine. Laura is curious about it but she decides to read it later. That’s enough nostalgia for today. Though one flashback comes hauling at her immediately.

The graduation party.

She looks over at Carmilla and is flooded with questions about why she took off that night. She shakes her head to clear the memories of the aftermath after JP read the text.

She closes her eyes as she starts thinking about whether or not coming here was a good idea. Is Carmilla the type of person that just abandons everything and leaves everyone without answering questions, or was the grad party a one-time-had-to-happen-type-thing? Looking back, Carmilla just seems like an asshole. An asshole with an amazing voice. And it’s probably the only reason she is going to stay. She wants to hear Carmilla sing live for free, because there is no way she is going to pay money to see this asshole.

Carmilla starts laughing which breaks Laura out of her inner thoughts. She’s giggling at something one of them said before finally getting up on stage. She grabs a stool, sits on it in front of the mic, and taps on the mic before smirking at the crowd. Laura feels her heart speed up.

“Hello everyone.”

Her voice got even more raspier. How is that even possible? (Smoking? Does Carmilla smoke?) Laura crosses her legs before taking another sip of her hot drink.

“My name is Carmilla and I hope you all don’t mind if I play a couple songs. For those of you who do not know me, I’m the lead singer for a band called The Woods.”

There is applause and cheers as Laura wonders if anyone else in this room feels as hypnotized to Carmilla’s voice as she does. It’s like Carmilla went through puberty again and made her voice deeper and much sexier and-

“This first song is one of my favorites and it's kind of a throw back. So if you recognize it make some noise.”

Carmilla picks up a guitar that Laura didn't notice was on a stand next to the stool. Carmilla looks up at the crowd before beginning to play a rhythm that Laura immediately recognizes but cannot put her finger on it (she hates her luck with songs today). Carmilla then begins singing a soft melody and strums chords to match.

 _“Have you ever been alone fightin' your own war?_  
_Someone stole the life from you and now they're back for more_  
_Your heart is on the floor beatin' out of control_  
_Oh, I don't want this anymore_

 _So I'll be sailin' on out into Bermuda blue_  
_Compass needle breaks like the heart I gave to you_  
_I've been layin' down in the devil's lair_  
_Sailin' into the sun, I'll be baptized there”_

A lot of people in the crowd began clapping once they seem to recognize it and others seem to just join in. Laura just cannot believe how much Carmilla’s singing voice has improved from when she sang this same exact song in the bathroom not too long ago.

 _“In matters of the heart, one must try to fill it up with love_  
_And grace can start a fire, immerse old wounds and douse them out_  
_Pick your heart up off the floor, hold it gently now and go_  
_To the place you were meant to know_

 _So I'll be sailin' on out into Bermuda blue_  
_Compass needle breaks like the heart I gave to you_  
_I've been layin' down in the devil's lair_  
_Sailin' into the sun, I'll be baptized there”_

Laura closes her eyes as she feels herself drown in Carmilla’s voice. She feels so relaxed, that she wonders when the last time she felt this good. She jumps when the small crowd began clapping.

“Thank you! I’m glad some of you know it. Okay so the next one is another old song so if you know it, you know what to do.”

Carmilla shifts back into a comfortable position and then starts playing a song that Laura has not heard before, but after tonight she knows that it’s likely that she’ll be downloading it.

 _"My baby loves me, I'm so happy_  
_Happy makes me a modern girl_  
_Took my money and bought a TV_  
_TV brings me closer to the world_  
_My whole life_  
_Was like a picture of a sunny day_  
_My baby loves me, I'm so hungry_  
_Hunger makes me a modern girl_  
_Took my money and bought a donut_  
_The hole's the size of this entire world”_

Listening to every word sang, Laura tries to stop herself from relating to the feeling of getting lost in the facade that you’ve put up your whole life. The air feels heavier, but she ignores the feeling and pays more attention to Carmilla’s voice rather than the words,

 _“My whole life_  
_Looks like a picture of a sunny day_  
_My baby loves me, I'm so angry_  
_Anger makes me a modern girl_  
_Took my money, I couldn't buy nothin'_  
_I'm sick of this brave new world_  
_My whole life Is like a picture of a sunny day_  
_My whole life Is like a picture of a sunny day”_

Laura claps like everyone else and resists the temptation of wanting to give her a standing ovation.

“I’m going to perform one more song but this time it won’t be a cover. Actually, this was one of the first songs I’ve ever written so yeah, it sucks.”

Some people chuckle as Carmilla clears her throat before giving the audience a smile. She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and starts playing a soft melody on her guitar. It goes on for awhile before she opens her mouth.

_“I’m gone and I got nothing to say_  
_Took my things and was on my way_  
_I don't know if I’ll be back at all_  
_But I don't know anything at all_  
_I thought I was doing it right this time_  
_All I wanted was my world to be mine_  
_It was my choice to make this call_  
_But I don't know anything at all”_

Laura can’t move, nor breathe. She didn’t know what she expected, but it certainly wasn’t this. God, she hopes someone is filming.

 _“Oh I already miss her shiny eyes_  
_Bet they’re the one thing I’ll never forget_  
_And maybe I’d wish I’d said my goodbyes_  
_But between us not many words were said_  
_But no I won’t miss those eyes at all_  
_Cause I don't know anything at all_

_I’m gone and I got nothing to say_  
_took my things and was on my way_  
_I don't know if I’ll be back at all_  
_But I don't know anything at all_  
_I don't know anything at all”_  


Laura really wants to pull out her phone to film this but she can’t stop staring at Carmilla. The music and lyrics are something that she feels that Carmilla probably wrote when she left. It is kind of obvious but it still shocks her. She starts to feels goosebumps when the strumming on the guitar get a lot more intense.

 _“Could’ve dodged the ball_  
_Could’ve held the stare_  
_Could’ve kissed - you instead”_

Wait, what? Laura freezes as she tries to comprehend what that means because there is no way that it means what she thinks it means.

 _“Could’ve dodged the ball_  
_Could’ve held the stare_  
_Could’ve kissed - you instead_

 _But i’m-_  
_I’m gone and I got nothing to say_  
_Took my things and was on my way_  
_I don't know if I’ll be back at all_  
_but I don't know anything at all_  


_I don't know any_  
_thing_  
_at_  
_all“_

The crowd break into applause and Carmilla breathes heavily into the mic before slowly opening her eyes. She gives the crowd one more smile as she places the guitar back on its stand and jumps off stage to join her friends.

Laura looks down at her table and tries to process the song she just heard. She grabs her phone and searches the internet, hoping to find a recording of this performance online. She needs to send this to Laf so she can get a second opinion. She knows that might be weird sending something like this out of the blue, but she knows it needs to be done. Laura looks back at Carmilla once she sends the video link. Right now is probably the best time for her to go and talk. She looks at her empty mug then back at Carmilla. Maybe she should go to the bathroom first. No one wants to talk to an old crush with a full bladder.

She stares at her reflection after she washes her hands. The song Carmilla performed has left her shaken up and confused. There is no way Carmilla wasn’t talking about her. Is there? God, she feels so self-centered. She dries her hands with the paper towel and goes back to looking at herself in the mirror, admiring her makeup and glad that she invested in the waterproof eyeliner. A moment later she starts to notice her hair frizzier than when she left the apartment, but she aggressively bites her lip before saying ‘fuck it’ and exiting the bathroom. She looks over to where she last saw Carmilla, only to find an empty seat. Out of nowhere, someone crashes into her and Laura blurts out “sorry” about three to four times as she’s adjusting her clothes, and making sure nothing’s spilled on her. But of course, she looks up and feels her mouth instantly go dry. Carmilla smiles from ear to ear.

“We uh- used to go to highschool together, right?”

Laura, still processing the situation, gives a long pause. This might turn into a very bad first impression if she does not respond.

“Yes.”

Carmilla extends her hand towards her.

“I’m Carmilla, if you don’t remember.”

Laura hopes that her palms are not sweaty when she shakes Carmilla’s hand, and finally smiles back at her.

“I’m Laura.”

“Nice to meet you Laura. Did you see the show?”

She bites her lip again as she awkwardly pats her thighs.

“Yes, that is the reason I came actually.”

Laura could swear that she saw Carmilla’s eyes light up maybe just a couple of degrees.

“Oh really? You’re a fan of The Woods?”

“I don’t know if I can answer that yet, but I heard your Nsync cover on the radio earlier today- which was really good by the way, so I uh- decided to come.”

Carmilla releases a small laugh and looks over to her friends then back at Laura.

“I wasn’t a huge fan of the idea of covering that song, but they’re convincing.”

Camilla tilting her head in the direction of where she was sitting with her band.

“Not a huge Nsync fan?”

Carmilla chuckles and shakes her head slowly before leaning against a wall that Laura didn’t notice before.

“Not really, nothing against them or anything but it's just not my kind of music.”

“So what is your kind of music?”

Carmilla smirks at her before glancing to look at her friends.

“I’d say anything, but I would be lying. Why don’t you come meet the band?”

“Yeah, okay.”

Carmilla looks back at her with a small smile before walking towards the big table. Laura follows a little behind so she can control her breathing. She has no idea how she was able to keep that conversation going with Carmilla, but she hopes that it doesn’t go away.

Laura sits down at the only seat available which so happen to be next to Carmilla, before realizing that this is turning into an amazing night. There are four other people at this table; two blondes and two brunettes. Two of them Laura can confirm are the bandmates, Amy and Lexa, and has no idea who the others are.

Carmilla clears her throat to get the four people's attention, to which they all seem to ignore her except for the brunette with the purple in her hair, next to Amy.

“Hey guys.” Carmilla says to the other three, who finally look over. Laura notices that the blonde next to Lexa, looks really amused and has little mischief in her eyes.

“Who is this?” Lexa asks.

“This is an old classmate of mine, from high school. Her name’s Laura.”

She hears a small set of snickers that end when Carmilla gives them a look. Laura really shouldn’t read into that. She really shouldn’t. That part of the song was about her, wasn’t it? She is not reading into it.

“I guess we have to introduce ourselves then.” says the one with mischievous eyes. “I’m Clarke and this right here is Lexa.” Clarke gives Lexa a small hug and then Clarke looks over at Amy,

“That is Amy and her girlfriend Re _agan_.” The way Clarke said Reagan’s name made Laura feel like there might be some bad blood between them. But Laura ignores and slightly raises her left hand.

“Hi, I’m Laura.”

Clarke grins and starts rubbing Lexa’s shoulder, “Yeah, we gathered that.”

“So Laura, how did you hear about this gig?” Amy asks after she clears her throat.

“Well, I heard one of your songs earlier and I checked your website ou-.”

“Which song?” interrupts Clarke.

“It’s gonna be me.”

Clarke and Amy chuckle while Lexa sends a smug grin to Carmilla, who just crosses her arms.

“You live around here?” asks Amy.

“Yeah, walking distance actually.”

“Oh, really?” asks Clarke.

“Hey, do you still talk to JP?” Carmilla blurts out.

Laura looks at her but Carmilla’s just glaring at a mug in front of her.

“Not really, but sometimes.”

“Well, I’m beat. I’m gonna go back to the hotel.” Amy says as she fakes a stretch while getting up and Reagan waves at Laura and follows Amy out of the cafe.

“We’ll be going too.” Lexa announces as she gets up from her chair but Clarke stays glued to her seat. Lexa looks down at her and Clarke sighs, “Fine, I’ll come too.” and then mumbles something that makes Lexa sigh really loudly.

“Have a goodnight, it was nice meeting you.” Laura says after them, she then looks back at Carmilla who is still focused on the mug.

“How mad was he?”

Laura swallows whatever was in her mouth before giving Carmilla a small smile. She didn’t feel like she wanted to have this conversation right now, but it feels like she doesn’t have a choice.

“He definitely didn’t take your departure very well. Not even Will could calm him down… neither could Laf.”

“I expected a reaction like that, I guess.”

Carmilla leans back in her chair and crosses her legs and then begins rubbing the mug’s handle. Her gaze seem to be unbroken with the mug.

“If you knew that was going to happen, then why’d you leave?”

Laura hears Carmilla give a small fruitless laugh before finally looking at Laura.

“He understands why I had to leave.” Carmilla says with a little edge in her voice.

Laf had told Laura the same thing before.

Carmilla sits up straight, and moves the mug to the side. “Anyway, that was like years ago and we were all kids. Bygones, you know? ”

“But like, why did you leave? Was there an actual reason, or?”

Carmilla sighs before standing up and looking back at Laura.

“It was nice seeing you, Laura.”

Laura quickly gets up.

“I’m sorry for prying.”

“Isn’t that what journalists do? Pry?”

Laura does not remember ever telling Carmilla what her career field is. How does Carmila know this?

“How do you know that?”

“Know what?”

“I never told you I was a journalist.”

“I think you mentioned it in highschool or something.”

“Did JP tell you or something because I never really made that public knowledge.”

Carmilla rolls her eyes and trying, but failing to make it look genuine.

“I don’t know. I just remember hearing about it somewhere.”

That is the most dumbest excuse Laura has ever heard. There is no way Carmilla couldn’t have found out something like that unless Carmilla looked her up online.

“Sure you did.”

“Um, what are you implying there?”

“There is only one way you could’ve found that out and it wasn’t in _high school_.”

Carmilla gives her a look of amusement before laughing.

“I’m sorry but you think I looked you up?”

“I don’t think. I know.”

“You’re hilarious. Why would I look you up? I barely even remember you. It was high school for godsake.”

Carmilla does have a point, but that song she sang implies that Carmilla totally remembers her.

“Sure.” Is the only thing Laura manages to respond.

“You sure sound like you think the world revolves around you.”

“I never said anything like th-”

“I’m kidding! Anyways, it was nice talking to you.”

Carmilla walks out of the cafe, leaving Laura hopelessly wanting more; is she ever going to see her again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked the chapter. I already started the new one though it is gonna be awhile until it comes out but I'm hoping that maybe it'll be done in the next two weeks. I might be starting a new job this week so I will be too busy but I will try my best. I really do hope you guys like what is going on so far, I've been impatient like many of you, I've been wanting to write this scene since the first chapter but there were certain things I needed to happen before we got to this point, so I hope you all think it is worth the wait. Oh and I hope you don't mind the mini crossover, I couldn't write oc's at the moment. PS I made the website before I even wrote this chapter, it was when I was lacking inspiration. The lyrics are from the songs, "Worth It" - Fifth Harmony, "It's Gonna Be Me' - N'Sync, "Baptized by Fire" - Spinnerette, and "Modern Girl" - Sleater-Kinney.


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